Читать книгу Senior Year, '94 - Megan B. March - Страница 5

Bright and early Sunday morning, my day was interrupted by Nate. Glancing through the slats of the Venetian blinds on the front window as soon as I heard the sound of an engine, I saw his truck drive up and really wanted to pretend like I wasn’t home, but there was no way I’d pull it off with him seeing my truck in the driveway. I reluctantly opened the door to his guilt-ridden face, but I didn’t immediately invite him in.

“Hi. Can I please come in?” He looked like a little boy who had recently been scolded, coming to ask for forgiveness. At least this time he didn’t look so wrinkled and his blue jeans were adequately fastened and I could clearly see the emblem of Tesla on his t-shirt.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” I glared at him with a penetrating look.

“Come on, Mia, I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. I was mad,” he pleaded, leaning his hand on the door jamb.

After another minute of us each trying to stare one another down, I stepped aside and motioned him in with a swift wave of my hand. There obviously wasn’t any way to win this. Maybe letting him in to speak his peace would make him leave. “Fine,” I said. Not the most hospitable way to be, but that’s all he was going to get. I chose to sit on a bar stool while he leaned against the back of the couch.

“Look, I’m sorry about the scene with Aria. After she talked to you at lunch, she wouldn’t let it be and wanted to know why I was being so weird around you. I finally caved.”

“I don’t fucking care about that. You should at least be honest with your girlfriend, even if you’re not going to be with me,” I spat. He flinched and I continued, “You led me to believe we’d had sex. Why? Do you know how much stress I’ve been through trying to figure out how the hell I was going to tell Jensen, my fiancé, about that?”

“You’re not wearing your ring,” he pointed out. “You weren’t wearing it at the party, either.”

I hopped off the stool, angrier than I had been. How could he downplay what happened and try to place the blame on me because I wasn’t wearing Jensen’s ring? “What does that matter?” I yelled. “He and I had to deal with some heavy shit while I was down in Phoenix. So much shit that I put our engagement on hold so he could figure it out. That still doesn’t mean I don’t love him and that I don’t want to marry him! Shit, Nate, what if I had told him we had fucked?” Internally I baulked at my vulgar use of the slang for sex, but I was on a roll. “Don’t you think there would be no coming back from that, given his historically bad luck with women?!”

Nate recoiled at my anger. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it go so far and I shouldn’t have lied. I thought you would’ve figured it out since there wasn’t a condom or wrapper in the trash.”

“Are you kidding me?” I eyed him angrily. “One, I didn’t look. I was a little pre-occupied! Plus, that could’ve just meant you lied about that, too, and that we hadn’t used one.” I turned away from him and put my hand to my forehead. “Maybe you should just go, Nate.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he muttered as if in defeat. It had become pretty clear that neither of us had any more to say.

Hearing Nate move toward the front door behind me, I turned to the side and almost instantly buckled as a searing pain ran through my abdomen.

“Fuck!” I gasped, holding my stomach and carefully easing my body down to the floor.

“What’s wrong, Mia?” Nate was at my side, hovering over me and trying to help.

“I don’t know, something’s wrong! Shit that hurts!” I gasped between clenched teeth. The pains I had been having were coming full circle. Why didn’t I get it checked out?

Putting his hands to my shoulders and helping me to my feet, Nate walked me over to the couch and insisted on taking me to the hospital. He told me to stay put while he went outside to get the truck’s engine started and the heater going. I wasn’t in any shape to protest and continued to cry out in agony as the pain worsened and jolted through my body. In no time Nate came rushing back in, picked me up and carried me out, setting me in the passenger side of the truck where I automatically curled up. Nate firmly closed the door before running over to his side, and in a flash he backed out of the driveway and threw the truck in gear.

Ten minutes later we pulled up to Emergency at the hospital and a nurse arrived to help me from the truck. Nate jumped out to help her put me in a wheelchair, and then the nurse wheeled me through the sliding glass doors, into the reception area, and through another set of doors labeled: No Admittance without Authorization. I tightly closed my eyes as another jolt of pain seared through my abdomen, and before the doors closed I thought I could hear Nate pleading for them to make me better. Not hearing anyone answer him, I felt the chair move faster until it finally stopped beside a lone bed behind a panel of curtains. Two nurses rushed over to help me onto the bed and immediately began stripping me of my clothes. My tense body was making that difficult, but when I tried to relax the pain was worse. The nurses began asking questions that I couldn’t quite hear, and a doctor made his way over to look into my eyes with a bright light, asking questions of his own and trying to get my attention. I just stared at them all as darkness closed in around me.

Doctor Brackett. Doctor Richard Brackett. Please come to the first floor nurses’ station.

The distant voice of a woman entered my conscious and slowly became louder, calling out names and requests as slow beeping sounds went off around me. Gently my eyes fluttered open, taking in the blurry surroundings, but not really seeing anything. I closed and opened them again definitely seeing more. My eyes shifted from one corner of the room to the other, taking in lighted medical machines, a television, two chairs, and the crisp white hospital bed I was lying in. Taking a hold of the metal bed rail attached to the bed, I attempted to roll myself over but gave up when I felt a tight pinch coming from the skin of my arm. Looking over at it I could see an IV line taped to the inside of my forearm, which could have easily come out if I had kept on pulling. Stiffly I felt around with my free hand and pulled the length of the IV line out from underneath my body where it must have ended up while I was unconscious. More slack in the line made it possible for me to roll myself over, but in doing so I felt a pain in my stomach much like the ones that had forced me to the hospital in the first place. Stopping short and muttering every swear word I knew, I carefully rolled onto my back, taking in long, deep breaths. Why am I sore? And why does my stomach hurt so much? My appendix? I thought about pulling my hospital gown apart to look, but just then I saw the door open and someone come in. Squinting my eyes, I tried to make out the blurry face.

“Hey, you’re awake!” Nate’s familiar voice was jovial. He came over and pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down.

“What are you doing here?” I croaked. I seemed to remember we had been fighting, but recalled nothing specific. “What happened?”

“I brought you here, don’t you remember?” Nate gave me a questioning look and then softened. “You really shouldn’t try to move. If you need something, I’ll get it.”

“I’m thirsty, I guess. How long was I asleep?”

“A long time. Today is Monday and it’s after noon, almost one o’clock,” he said after checking his watch. “I’ll go get the nurse and let them know you’re awake.” He got up and went out into the hall.

Monday? It’s really Monday? The last I knew it was Sunday morning.

About five minutes later, Nate returned with a male nurse dressed in turquoise scrubs who checked my vitals and poured water in a cup, putting a bendable straw in it before handing it over to me.

“You look good, vitals are right where they should be,” the nurse said, smiling. “How do you feel?”

“My stomach hurts like hell,” I whispered, taking a sip of water.

“Let me check your chart and see what the doctor has written about pain killers.” The nurse picked up a clipboard from a hook screwed into the wall, slowly running his finger down a paper fastened to it. He stopped to read something before hanging the clipboard back on the hook again. “Your doctor has left orders to administer a painkiller through your IV.” He then smiled. “That means that you won’t have to take a big awful horse pill by mouth.” He took a syringe out of his pocket and plugged it into the vessel in the IV line. “Alright, you should feel better shortly. I’ll go get the doctor.” The nurse touched my arm briefly and then left the room.

“Did my appendix burst?” I asked Nate.

“No, no, I don’t think so. I don’t know what’s wrong with you and they won’t tell me because I’m not immediate family. I was going to call your parents, but I didn’t know your dad’s information and your mom’s is unlisted. People here asked about guardianship and I told them you were emancipated last year.”

I took another sip of water and let the cool, crisp liquid swirl around my dry mouth. Seeing that the cup was near empty, Nate asked if I wanted more and filled it back up after I let him know that I did. Just then the door opened and another familiar voice greeted me.

“Hi there, Mia, how are you feeling?”

“Dr. Mulland? Are you on call today?” I tried making sense of why my gynecologist would be making a visit and why she was looking at my chart. Dr. Mulland then smiled and nodded toward Nate before walking over to stand beside the bed and take my pulse.

“Mia, your friend brought you in before things got really bad for you.”

“Did my appendix burst?” I asked, not knowing what else could come on so fast.

Dr. Mulland looked at me and then Nate. “Nate, can you excuse us for a few minutes?”

Nate gave the doctor a nod before looking at me and making his way out the door. Before saying another word, Dr. Mulland stepped over and pulled Nate’s empty chair closer to the bed and sat down. “No, honey, it wasn’t your appendix.” She took a deep breath and then stated matter-of-factly, “You had a fairly good-sized ovarian cyst that ruptured.”

“What?” I was stunned for a few seconds before going on. “I … I had no idea I had a cyst. Aren’t you supposed to feel a lot of pain when you have large cysts?” My mind raced to the times I felt slight pains in my abdomen, but they were never anything major so I always ignored them. I was about to say something to the doctor, but stopped when I saw the look on her face—she had more news to give me.

“There’s something else…” she paused and regarded me for a beat and then continued, “you were about six weeks pregnant.” The doctor waited for me to say something but I needed to take it all in.

I’m pregnant! Shit! Thanksgiving! The car ... the shower ... how am I going to tell Jensen? What about Savannah …? My heart was racing and I felt a rush of adrenaline. Beads of sweat broke out along my hairline. Suddenly my entire body felt hot and prickly. “What? I’m pregnant?” I was trying to wrap my head around the news.

“No, honey, you’re not.” The doctor’s hands dropped into her lap.

“But, you just said—”

“The trauma of the cyst rupturing caused you to miscarry. You’re feeling sore because of the ruptured cyst and the fact that we had to do a D&C. We had to take swift action because right after you came in you blacked out because of the pain. The situation turned out to be high risk.”

With my head still a bit fuzzy I didn’t quite comprehend what the doctor was saying. I am pregnant? I was pregnant? Ruptured cyst? Trauma, miscarry, D&C? What?

“But I was on the pill. How could I get pregnant?”

“Contraceptives aren’t always foolproof, but being on the pill is the least of your worries right now. With a ruptured cyst there’s a chance of infection, which can be more than serious if it’s not treated correctly. On top of that, your body aborted a fetus and a D&C had to be performed to remove leftover tissue. You should heal up nicely, but that will take some time.”

The seriousness of my situation began to sink in. “How long do I need to stay here?”

“Maybe another day or two. I want you to take the rest of the week off of work and school to rest.”

Oh, shit! Work and school! Do they know where I’m at? I tried to listen to the rest of what she was saying, explaining the situation with the cyst and the miscarriage, what a D&C entails, and finally what I could expect to feel in the days to come. The doctor told me that I should be able to get pregnant in the future, but she sternly stressed when the time was right. I just stared at her.

“I’ll let your friend back in so you can talk to him,” Dr. Mulland said as she went to the door and opened it. Turning back she added, “I’ll check on you later today and before you’re discharged. The nurse will have a few prescriptions you’ll need to have filled right away.”

“Thank you, Doctor. Will you tell Nate to give me some time before he comes back in?’’ I forced a smile and she nodded before she left the room.

Now that I was alone with my thoughts, I began to realize what Dr. Mulland had just told me—I had been pregnant! Just as that sunk in, an image of Jensen came before me and a familiar sting rose up in my nose, letting me know that tears would soon be coming. Without fail they started coming slowly, dripping down my cheek. Soon I was sobbing into my pillow and wishing that I could bury my head deeper into it to muffle my cries. When I could cry no more and my tears finally stopped, all that was left was an occasional sniffle or two. Ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door, and assuming it was Nate I invited him in.

“Hey, why are you crying?” Nate asked right away, sitting down in the chair next to the bed and taking my hand. “What did the doctor say?”

“I was pregnant, Nate. I miscarried.” Slowly I moved my hand to my face and wiped any remaining tears away.

“What?! Holy shit. That’s too bad. I’m sorry, Mia, really I am.”

“Yeah, I know … thanks. The doctor said that I had a big cyst that ruptured. I guess it caused too much trauma to the baby and it aborted itself.” A fresh set of tears started all over again.

Apologizing again for my loss, Nate reached over and wiped a tear off my cheek with his thumb like a concerned parent would. It was quiet for a time before either one of us spoke.

“Wouldn’t you have felt the cyst if it was that big?” Nate wondered out loud.

“I guess. Maybe I did and just thought it was something else. Stress … a pulled muscle … a full stomach … something.” I shook my head and it was quiet again for a few minutes until I was the one to finally break it.

“Why aren’t you at school?” I asked.

“And leave you here having fun all by yourself?” Nate gave me one of his playful smiles. “Actually, I’ve been here since yesterday. I feel responsible since I’m the one who brought you here. Of course Aria sure wasn’t happy about that.”

Alarmed at the mention of Aria’s name, I tried to sit up but the pain smacked me back down. “Wait, what? Aria knows I’m here?” Any hope of keeping this secret was now gone.

“So does Kris and Alicia,” Nate nonchalantly informed me. “And I also know that Alicia told Jensen. He called this morning and made me promise to have you call him the minute you woke up.” Nate looked at me for a response.

“Great, good news travels fast,” I grumbled. Fucking friend hotline.

“You’d better call him, you know. Jensen was pretty serious when he said that if he didn’t hear from you soon he’d be on a plane.”

“What? No!” I yelled.

Nate put his hand on my arm. “Relax, just call him.”

“And say what, Nate? I can’t tell him about this,” I whispered harshly, putting my hand to my stomach.

“Why not? It was his kid, wasn’t it?” Nate eyed me questioningly.

I was about to answer angrily that yes, it most certainly was, when the shrill ring of the telephone broke the silence. Taking in a sharp breath, I stared at the little red light on the phone as it lit up. Nate reached over and answered it, but not before giving me a look that told me I’d better be ready to deal. Saying hello into the receiver, I saw Nate take a deep breath before looking at me once again.

“Hey, Jensen,” he said. “She’s—”

A streak of alarm rushed through me and I held up my hand, shaking my head fiercely to let him know I did not want to speak to Jensen right then.

“Ah, Jensen, Mia’s asleep right now.” Nate listened for a few seconds, telling Jensen that he wasn’t sure when I’d be awake and that me being in the hospital wasn’t serious enough for him to come home. Evidently Jensen asked him what the matter with me was because Nate told him that the doctor hadn’t been in to give any explanations. He then did his best to answer Jensen’s questions without giving anything crucial away, and was more than happy to tell Jensen he’d have me call him as soon as I woke up. “Damn, Mia. Your boy is not happy and I totally just lied for you. You owe me big time,” Nate said, figuratively as he hung up the phone.

“Do you think he can wait an hour? I need time to think.”

“A half-hour at the most, unless you want him hopping the next plane. He’s literally freaking out and sounded like he was throwing clothes in a bag.”

I sighed and was resigned to the fact that Nate was right. I needed to call Jensen back. “What did you tell people about why I’m in here?” I asked.

“I didn’t.” Nate shook his head back and forth. “I really didn’t know why you were in here, and as far as they’re concerned I still don’t. Although I did call school and work to tell them you’re in here and won’t be able to go back until next week. Your doctor mentioned that the last time she was in here and I offered to call them.”

After thanking Nate again for all he had done, I asked if I could have some privacy to call Jensen. My friend looked a little like he was being put out. He kindly handed me the phone before waving and heading out the door. When Nate was gone I slowly dialed Jensen’s dorm, and after two rings he answered.

“Mia?” Jensen sounded more than just worried.

“Hi there,” I murmured.

“What’s going on?” he quickly asked. “Why are you in the hospital? I’m about to fly up there!”

“No, no. Stay where you’re at, I’m fine. It’s nothing but a case of food poisoning and subsequent dehydration,” I lied. Figuring that another lie couldn’t hurt, I said, “I’ll probably be out of here in a few hours.” I couldn’t tell him the truth just yet after everything that happened with Savannah and Solveigh. No, it was much too soon. On top of that, there was the business of him cheating, me cheating, and Aria’s freak-out at my house.

“You had me so damn worried,” Jensen said weakly into the phone. “Especially when you didn’t call me back right away and I had to hear from Alicia that you’re in the hospital. Mia, I love you.” He stopped for an uncomfortable amount of time before going on. “What happened with Fallon … I—”

“Jensen, I can’t do this right now,” I solemnly cut him off.

“Okay, okay. I just want you to know how sorry I am and that I love you.”

“I know. We’ll talk about this later. I just can’t right now.”

After telling me he loved me once more, we hung up. Nate came back about twenty minutes later and reached for the TV remote that was lying next to me on the bed, pressing the button and causing the screen to come to life. I told him I’d like to rest for at least thirty minutes, and Nate said he’d keep the sound low. I barely heard the last of what he said before quickly nodding off to the quiet buzz of daytime television in the background.

To what sounded like a slamming door, I startled awake and blinked my eyes several times before looking out the window to see the settling dusk. Just out of sight I thought I saw something move and turned to see a hand pull the chain to the lamp beside my bed. Immediately a bright light filled the room and made me cringe. “Nate? What are you doing?” I groggily asked.

“No, it’s not Nate. He went to get something to eat.”

Recognizing Alicia’s voice, I squinted harder and saw her standing by the window with her hands on the hips of her light blue Guess jeans. Her red sweater seemed to intensify her irritation, if that were possible. “Alicia?” I asked.

“Yeah, it’s me. Why does my brother think you’ll be discharged tonight? You look horrible and I doubt you’re going anywhere!” Nate returned before I had a chance to answer. “She looks terrible, doesn’t she? There’s no way she’s being discharged tonight,” Alicia complained to Nate.

“They thought she would be able to, but she still needs fluids. Probably another day.” Nate is covering for me! Why? I could visually see Alicia relax as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“So … food poisoning? Where did you eat so I steer clear of that place? I’d hate to wind up in here.” Alicia gingerly picked up a box of tissues from the moveable tray over my bed and looked at it like it was some kind of germ machine.

“I’m fine, Leesh, really,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You can tell Jensen that, too.”

Willing him not to open his mouth, I threw a quick look at Nate who furrowed his brow at my little lie. I was relieved when Alicia changed the subject, and after ten minutes of small talk and dodging the answer to what restaurant had given me food poisoning, I promised to call her later. She wasn’t out the door thirty minutes before Krissa stopped by. By then I was really tired, so Krissa didn’t stay long and made Nate leave with her, saying something about Aria being upset that he was there.

Nate had been playing the part well of a true friend, but I was glad he’d finally left. It gave me time to be alone to think about telling Jensen and what I would say. Obviously the truth, of course, but it was going to be difficult. Yes, I knew I’d have to give this some serious thought. Thinking about what I would say and any subsequent possible reactions, I turned on the television as background noise. Now that I was alone it was way too quiet.

After two days I was finally released from the hospital and Alicia insisted on driving me home.

“So,” she said as we were pulling away from the large concrete building, “are you going to spill where it was that you ate that left you out of commission for an entire week?” Alicia gave me the eye. She knew it wasn’t food poisoning. “Honestly, Mia, I don’t understand why you won’t tell me why you were really in the hospital. I’m covering for you with Jensen and I don’t even know why.”

Instead of answering her, I just sighed and looked out the window at the dimming afternoon light. I wanted to tell someone, anyone, of what had happened and why, but I couldn’t find the words. Besides, Jensen would have to be the first. If only I knew what to say ….

After trudging through the early evening traffic in Alicia’s Prelude, she drove me safely home and helped me into the house before getting me settled on the couch with a blanket she found lying on my bed. Carefully draping the blanket over me, she knelt down and smiled sweetly, almost too sweetly, asking if I was hungry or needed anything. The look in her eyes told me that she wanted to know more, and I was more than tempted to tell her everything. Should I? Coming up with something to tell Jensen was going to take some preparation, so I wondered if maybe I should practice on his sister. She was another girl who would certainly understand what I was going through, so when Alicia turned to leave I softly called her name. Surprised, she turned and looked at me.

“I was in the hospital because I had a large cyst that burst and caused a miscarriage.” Just like that my news was out.

Alicia’s jaw dropped as she gaped at me in surprise, lost for words. I don’t know if I had ever seen her with such a blank look. Slowly she came over and knelt down by the couch, putting her hand over mine.

“I was pregnant,” I said, still trying to believe it myself.

“Oh, Mia, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“Neither did I. The baby was about six weeks along,” I said with a touch of bitter icing to my tone. “Thanksgiving,” I added, not sure if Alicia had done the math. She looked sad. “Jensen doesn’t know yet. Please don’t tell him,” I begged. Alicia only frowned, perhaps in thought. “Alicia?”

“Of course, Mia. Sorry, but I’m still processing the fact that I was almost an aunt ... again,” she added quietly. “Almost ironic.”

I looked at her, questioning what she meant, and Alicia reminded me of Savannah. Oh that. I closed my eyes and welcomed momentary darkness. After a few minutes of quiet she asked the question I was expecting.

“How did you get pregnant if you were on the pill?” Her eyes were wider than normal.

“Savannah was on the pill,” I shared, but Alicia didn’t seem pacified by the answer.

“Which means my brother was irresponsible and didn’t use a back-up.” Alicia bit her lip.

“There were two of us involved here. There’s always two involved. It’s not his fault entirely,” I said, feeling a little annoyed that she was blaming it all on her brother. True, he had gotten two girls pregnant, I couldn’t argue with that, but I felt her logic was flawed.

“Point taken,” Alicia directly said. “Do you want me to stay?”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll call you if I need anything,” I promised.

Alicia handed over the remote and gave me a silent wave before going out the door. Through the double-paned windows I heard the muffled sound of her car door closing before she fired up the engine to drive the short distance to her house. After watching her car slowly back out of my driveway, I visually swept the room, looking everything over and being more than content that I was finally home. The last thing I wanted to do was watch television since that had been my constant companion at the hospital, but the house was a little lonely and the noise coming from the TV would do nothing but help fill the void. The empty screen almost instantly showed a commercial for the health insurance I had purchased through work, a decision in which I was more than thankful. The hospital bill was sure to be astronomical.

Jensen called the next day around noon when I was lying in bed, trying to relax and take a nap. His voice was heavy with worry.

“Hi, you’re home,” he said, almost like he wasn’t aware I’d come home the night before. He is the one calling me—did he not expect me to be here?

“Alicia gave me a ride,” I answered suspiciously.

“She told me. How are you feeling?”

“Better, but I’m still a little sore in the stomach area.” I stopped myself short, thinking I may have given too much away. Knowing what food poisoning did to a person, I covered with, “I guess that’s to be expected when you’re puking your guts out.” I felt bad lying to Jensen, but it wasn’t the right time to tell him.

“I wish I could be there to take care of you.”

“Me, too.” And that wasn’t a lie.

“Mia, about what happened with Fallon—”

“Jensen, it’s done. Please,” I interrupted him. I knew he wanted to say more, but my tone had decisiveness to it. The truth was, I wasn’t over his episode with Fallon but I didn’t want to talk about it right then. Besides that, I had to confess my own issue with Nate. And then, of course, was the miscarriage. Those subjects needed to be done via a face-to-face conversation. If we got into The Fallon Thing right then I would feel guilty and would have to reciprocate. No, this was wise. Shut the conversation down before I was stuck telling him in a way I didn’t want to.

“Ohhh-kayyy,” he strung out his words in a funny manner.

“Do you mind if I let you go? I’m really tired and I need to get some sleep. Your sister said that early tomorrow she’s going to bring homework for me to catch up on. I’m sure I’ll have a ton of it to get through this weekend before I go back on Monday.”

“Sure,” Jensen sighed. “I love you.” Before I had a chance to tell him I loved him back he hung up with a click, leaving me with nothing but the dial tone.