Читать книгу Senior Year, '94 - Megan B. March - Страница 6

I returned to school that following Monday with only Nate and Alicia knowing my secret and hoping to keep it that way. Krissa knew better than to pry, and Aria was still pissed at me, so I didn’t have to worry about anyone else finding out the details of my hospital stay.

Although Nate and I had zero-hour together, we didn’t sit by each other as we usually did, and he only briefly said hello and acknowledged me in passing before class. I assumed it was a product of Aria’s anger with me since he and I had sort of gotten through the tiff or whatever you would call it while I was in the hospital.

In the mornings before zero-hour, I often ran into Jibby in the auto shop parking lot where he was smoking. I didn’t really understand why he was out there so damn early smoking every morning, and I never thought to ask. During our classes like Persuasion, one of two English classes I was taking, time didn’t allow for us to chat much either. We were either listening, giving speeches, or his cousin kept him busy in conversation about some upcoming Hawaii trip they were going to take during spring break. Probably another surfing excursion. At one point he did ask why I was out of school for a week, and I just settled on telling him and others I was sick. It was the flu season, after all.

Getting back into a routine at school gave me a sense of relief and allowed me to remain busy, for which I was thankful. It felt normal and meant I could focus all my energy there and not have to dwell too much on my relationship with Jensen. Work was even more of a nice distraction once I returned. Realizing I had been missed after I was met with a mountain of filing to do, I jumped right in and got to work. This allowed plenty of time for me to think. However, instead of thinking about my current issues with Jensen, I tried to focus on the future, keeping my thoughts on colleges and which schools I would send my applications to. I was definitely behind the ball on that task. The other outstanding thing I had to do was take the SATs again. The next test was coming up in February. My SAT scores from the test I’d taken back in December hadn’t arrived yet, and I wished I’d get them to help figure out how to spend my time studying. Studying ... that was another thing. I knew I needed to start setting aside time during the weekends to get ready for the SATs. In fact, I probably should have started doing that already. Maybe senioritis is setting in. At least my grades from first semester had been pretty decent; A’s with just one B in French II.

On Friday, I decided to take Alicia up on her offer to spend the night at her house, and as usual I had a good time with the Meyers family who made me feel welcome. That evening after dinner, Ashlyn became motherly and fussed over me, saying I was too skinny and a little pale, but Dan shook his head at his wife and disagreed. Not wanting to be the topic of conversation, somehow I diverted their attention to education and which colleges I should look into. After enduring about a half-hour of what seemed like mandatory time with the soon-to-be parents-in-law, Alicia pulled me away and down to the theater room to gossip. I took that as a way of getting out of her why she and Jibby secretly dated.

“Man, my mom was really acting over the top with you. It was weird,” Alicia said. “She doesn’t know, does she?” Alicia had her white, blue, green, and red splatter-print legs crossed and was leaning forward, her chin on her hands.

“Are you high? There’s no way would I tell her and not Jensen.” I shook my head. “She’s probably acting that way because she knows Jensen and I are in the middle of a rough patch right now. On top of that, I’m not looking one hundred percent healthy these days and she’s zeroed in on that.” I looked at Alicia and she just shrugged. “So,” I said to change the subject to something more interesting, “I’ve been meaning to ask you about your relationship with Jibby.”

“Ugh, you would have to ask about that!” Alicia sighed dramatically and fell back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling as she absently picked at her plain, white tank top.

“Hey, you knew I was going to ask sometime. You act so mad whenever you see me with him and you never say hi to him.” I waited patiently for her to answer.

After a beat, she finally started talking. “Jibby and I were in DECA together sophomore year for a while before he up and dropped out. We would flirt back and forth here and there, and one night we were both at a party that had gotten pretty wild. Not only was I wasted on Everclear, but I had also smoked my share of leafy greens outside with Jibby. To say the least, I was completely stoned.”

Looking at Alicia in complete shock, I didn’t say anything because I was getting insight into Alicia, who wasn’t as perfect as she seemed.

She continued, “Anyway, Jibby liked me more than I liked him. He must have thought he had to extort me somehow to get me to go out with him, so he said he’d tell everyone about me getting wasted that night at the party.” Alicia turned her head and looked at me to see how I was taking this news. “Of course, if anyone found that out it would ruin my reputation, so I did go out with him but it didn’t last very long and we eventually broke up. It didn’t start out as a healthy relationship and wouldn’t have lasted very long. Such a weird time in my life.” Alicia looked back up at the ceiling.

“I smoked cigarettes with Jibby!” I blurted out. Damnit! Alicia cocked her head at this news and then threw her head back and let out a loud belly laugh. “What’s so funny?” I demanded, not catching on with her laughter.

Alicia was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes. “Us!” she blurted out. “I was just thinking that everyone probably thinks we’re these two perfect goody two-shoes and we’re not!” Alicia continued to laugh. “I’m sorry, it’s just ironic.” Her laughter was slowing down.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know about you and Jibby.” I laughed. “How could I have not seen it? You were definitely successful at keeping that a secret,” I said, pointing my finger at her.

“Not really, if you think about it. We hung out enough for someone as smart as you to deduce we were a couple. You were just going through your own shit with Jensen when he was with Alyna to not have noticed.”

Upon hearing the mention of Alyna, I felt an involuntary shudder through my body. Jensen being with her and not me had broken my heart. Trying to keep Alicia from noticing, I immediately chose to distract her by asking if she wanted to play Sega or watch TV.

“TV. Definitely TV!”

Snatching up the remote before I could, Alicia turned the TV on and started surfing through the many selections there was to choose from. I couldn’t help but think how nice it must be having satellite compared to cable like I had, and I could just imagine myself staying up all night watching show after show. Alicia made herself comfortable, and feeling a little chilled, I got up off the couch and went into Jensen’s old room to pull a comforter off of his tidy bed. The room was a little cleaner than the last time I’d been in it; the work of his family, no doubt. Wrapping the comforter around me, I could smell the faint scent of Jensen’s favorite cologne, Polo. Sighing, I went back in with Alicia and picked up my pillow I’d brought, pulling Jensen’s comforter around me tighter and imagining being wrapped in his arms.

“All the comforts of home?” Alicia asked, smiling. I nodded and put the pillow behind me on the couch and settled into watching a new episode of Friends. At least Alicia had good taste in TV.

Being the early riser that she is, the next morning Alicia got busy making blueberry pancakes and I was awakened by the smell of breakfast wafting down from the kitchen. In no time I was up there with the rest of the family, enjoying Alicia’s efforts that seemed to make her feel good. Alicia was simple and wholesome that way, and maybe that’s one of the reasons why I liked her so much.

The rest of our day was spent mainly vegetating at her house until I finally went home around seven that night. Rushing into the house to check any messages I might have missed over the weekend, I was met with a blinking three on the answering machine. A part of me hoped for a call from Jensen, but I knew that he probably needed time to think things over and not to expect to hear his voice.

Slipping my bag off my shoulders, I listen to the first one and it turned out to be from Nate: “Hey, just checking on you. Sorry I’ve been so distant, but Aria’s still pissed and doesn’t want me talking to you. Anyway, I hope you told Jensen what happened ‘cause I’m a little uncomfortable carrying around your secret. You know, just like when I told you Jensen had to man up with Alyna, I’m giving you the same advice. See you at school.”

I hit delete and listened to the next recording, which surprisingly turned out to be from Jensen. He sounded sad and maybe a little drunk: “Hi. Just calling to tell you I’m thinking about you. Miss you.” I chose to save that to play again later, but I wasn’t sure why. I guess I just wanted to hear Jensen’s voice no matter how short his message to me was.

The third recording wasn’t a message at all, but a song that had come in early that morning around four a.m. The music was strong and purposeful as piano chords streamed through the little speakers of my answering machine: I believe there’s something deep inside that shouldn’t be from time to time. I sure found out, thought love was such a crime. The more you care, the more you fall. A smile spread across my face as Def Leppard continued to serenade me: Oooh, I miss you in a heartbeat. Oooh, I miss you right away. Oooh, I miss you in a heartbeat. ‘Cause it ain’t love if it don’t feel that way, oh no.

“Oh, Jensen,” I whispered.

Knowing that I had to speak with him, I picked up the phone and dialed the number to his room, hoping he was home alone and not with Erik or his other so-called friends. After fifteen empty rings I gave up and put the phone back in the cradle. Where is he? What is he doing? My thoughts began to get the best of me. Trying not to think about what party he may be at and if Fallon was there, I wandered into my room and picked up the dust covered Discman I’d borrowed from Jessica for the Phoenix trip. Still inside was the Ace of Base disc that I listened to on the plane, but I wasn’t in the mood for that and went out into the living room to poke around my CD collection where I found the new one from Enigma, The Cross of Changes. That seemed fitting. After putting earbuds in my ear, I pressed play and shut the living room light off before lying down on the couch and pulling the blanket I kept on the back cushion down and over me. Closing my eyes, I got lost in the music.

Waking up after who knows how long, I pulled the earbuds from my sore ears and did my best to check the time on my watch. Once my eyes could focus in the dim light of the room, I saw that it was six thirty Sunday morning. How could I have slept so long? Sitting up, I frowned and carefully stretched my stiff body, putting the Discman and blanket aside before I attempted to stand up and make my way into the kitchen. Even though I wasn’t necessarily hungry, I knew I had to at least eat something and settled for a bowl of cereal. When that and a cup of hot coffee were finished, I ambled off to the bathroom to stand under a long, hot shower.

Standing in front of my closet with towels wrapped around me and my hair, I looked through the closet and picked out a pair of purple Bongo jeans and a simple black turtleneck. I wasn’t going for style that day, just comfort, and with that in mind I pulled the plainest bra and panty I owned out from a clothes drawer. Once everything was in place, I swept my wet hair back and up into a high bun, which sat atop my head and put on just enough make-up to give me some color. A quiet, simple distraction was what I needed, and there was no place better than the Jordan Creek Mall, which really wasn’t a mall at all. Jordan Creek Mall was made up of business offices and a few places employees and customers could get something to eat. If people wanted to go to a shopping mall they went across the street to Nugget Mall. The Jordan Creek Mall was a place where the chance of running into any one I knew was slim to none.

Once I had made it over to the mall, I parked and went inside, walking over to where the atrium was located with more than a few empty tables with benches. I sat down at the closest one to me looked up at a large panes of glass hovered overhead. Through the glass I could see the sun trying to get through patches of clouds that had failed to burn off. Oh, well, I’ll take what I can get. Closing my eyes, I listened as the sound of a nearby water feature broke the stillness of the large space around me. That was the kind of quietness I needed; a hum that muffled out any human voice that tried to make its way into my ear. Yes, the few people and the quietness of the mall was just what I needed.

“Adams?”

My eyes fluttered open and I saw Jibby ambling toward me. My friend was looking a little too dressed up in a pair of beige slacks, a cream button up shirt, and a pair of dark brown leather loafers. He never wore button up shirts, much less slacks or loafers. His hair was even slicked back like some Wall Street worker. And what’s with the attaché case in his hand? Before I could say or ask anything, Jibby sat down next to me and placed the leather attaché case on the bench next to where he sat.

“You’re probably wondering what’s up with the garb, right?” He slightly pulled the material of his shirt away his body and then let it go, giving out a laugh.

“Well, kind of, yeah.”

“I’m working in my mom’s office today because tax season tends to be quite busy. She can always use the extra help and made sure I dressed the part. Her boss is going to be in today, so Mom didn’t want me looking like something the cat dragged in. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this around.”

“I see. Are you off?”

“No, just on break. I was coming down here to get a snack.” He nodded toward a little snack bar just down the way from where we sat. A girl in her 20s with short black hair and wearing a uniform sat on a stool reading People magazine. I couldn’t help but think of what a skate job she had, even if it had to be more than a little boring.

“What are you doing here? No one ever comes to this so-called mall.” Jibby made air quotes as he looked around at the few people who graced the area.

“I just needed to get out of the house for a while.” I shrugged and asked teasingly, “So, you’re not going outside for a smoke break?”

He laughed and gave me a cute smile. “No, I quit. Besides, my mom would smell it on me.”

“You did? Wow, I never thought you would.”

“Are you still smoking?” He laughed again because he knew I wasn’t much of a smoker.

That day out at the auto shop parking lot was the only time I’d ever lit up. Somehow Jibby

knew that and must have thought it funny.

Playfully I pushed my hand against Jibby’s arm and shook my head. “No, I didn’t make it a habit like you did.”

“Well, that’s good,” Jibby said before looking at his watch and standing up. “I have to buy something to eat and get back. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” Jibby then walked over to my side of the table and bent down to give me a hug. “You’re doing okay, right?” he whispered into my ear.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

Jibby let me go, and not saying a word he just smiled. I wasn’t sure if he believed the lie or not. “You just seem ... I don’t know … I guess the right word would be sad. Ever since you came back to school you haven’t been yourself.

Shrugging, I assured him that I was fine and pretended like I didn’t know what he was talking about. “It’s just the distance thing with Jensen and the pressure of graduating early and getting college figured out. Thanks for being concerned though. You’re a good friend.”

“Well, I try … alright, I’ll catch you later.” Jibby strolled off to the nearby snack bar where I watched the girl who was supposed to be working there put her magazine down and take her place behind the counter. She immediately perked up when he leaned against the laminated counter and placed his order. Jibby sure had a way with the girls. It didn’t seem his style to rely on blackmailing Alicia into dating him, and I wondered if she hadn’t misunderstood him. The thought stayed with me as I left the mall and made my way to the parking lot where my truck sat. A large pile of homework was waiting for me, and would probably take most of the day to it get through it all. On top of that I’d decided to apply to other colleges besides Stanford, so there were a dozen college applications that needed to be prepped for mailing. I shook my head thinking about the amount of work that had to be done yet.

Over the next few weeks I made numerous calls to Jensen’s dorm, while at the same time he made just as many calls to my place. It was almost as if neither of us were ready to talk live yet, and leaving messages for each other sufficed. Hearing his voice over the recorder gave me some piece of mind, and the musical communications he left were more than just memorable. The first one he’d left consisted of Def Leppard reminding me to stand up and fight for our relationship. The second was a new song by Bryan Adams fittingly titled Please Forgive Me. Sometimes I would replay them and think about the last time we were really happy. I didn’t know what we were, but I guessed we were still together, even though our relationship was strained. I tried not to think negatively and decided to stay focused on school and studying for the upcoming SATs on February twelfth. Jensen was thinking of me, though, because he left two more musical messages on my recorder.

The personal side of my life was not going great, but the career side was finally in order and I sent off applications to Washington, Stanford, UC Davis, UC Berkeley, Seattle Pacific University, and to my back up schools, the University of Alaska Southeast and Portland State. These were schools I had thoroughly researched, from which scholarships were available to what credits and essays were needed.

My love life may have been a mess, but my educational career was seemingly back on track.