Читать книгу Senior Year, '94 - Megan B. March - Страница 8

Standing at the large window facing the channel from Jensen’s house, I watched as the snow swirled down in the six o’clock darkness. Little white powdery flakes floated down only to disappear into the despair of nothingness. There was just something rather quiet and lonely about snowfall and it fit my mood perfectly. A mood, which began to build after his revelation at The Fiddlehead, and festered after we’d gone to The Club and then out for pizza. It was so that I barely noticed the sky, let alone how cold it had become throughout the course of the day. Lost in the emptiness that now surrounded me concerning Jensen’s news and how everything had gotten so screwed up, I stared quietly out the window as if looking for answers. Had I not known the temperature would be frigid due to the snow, I probably would have gone outside and sat on one of the covered deck chairs to be alone with my thoughts. I had always loved the quiet solitude snow always brought with it. In my childhood, I remembered lying in the yard at night on top of snow piled several feet high, looking up and watching the big flakes come down around me. Every sound was muted from the thick air snowfall brought, creating the feeling that nothing else in the world existed but me and the snow.

“So, they’re not a complete match? What does that mean?” Alicia had come back into the room after having to answer a phone call. She’d been gone so long I almost forgot what we were talking about, but her questions reminded me all too well what the subject was. We’d been in the middle of talking about my evening out with Jensen and I told her exactly what had happened, including what Jensen had said about the DNA results. Alicia was an excellent student in science and nobody’s fool, so it didn’t take much for her to figure out what I was saying. When she realized what ‘not a complete match’ meant, Alicia was floored and completely agreed with her parents’ decision to call a lawyer first thing Monday morning. All she said about Emery was the exasperated mention of his name.

“I wonder if your parents have had much of a chance to really talk with Emery about all of this,” I said, moving to sit on the couch and picking up one of the sofa pillows to hug to my chest. I couldn’t imagine them staying quiet for very long.

“Maybe. I’d think that my parents would want to speak to Savannah’s parents right away, but then again they know the legal aspect of things and to let their lawyer speak for them. Sometimes that makes a big difference when it comes to lawsuits and such. They must have become aware this week because it’s been pretty fucking somber around here the past few days. Now I know why.” Alicia narrowed her eyes and looked out the window, seemingly in thought. She hardly ever swore, let alone dropped the f-bomb, so when she did it caused me to look up suddenly at her. She didn’t seem to notice my surprise and continued. “And if Madison’s knows what’s going on, I bet she’s freaking out. It’s a lot to take on in a relationship. I wonder if they’ll break up over this.” She must have suddenly realized that Jensen and I had just gone through the same thing and gave me a ‘sorry.’ Fortunately, it hadn’t played out.

I glanced down at where Jensen’s ring used to be and then looked up to see Alicia also looking at my hand. She regarded me for a second before pointing out that I wasn’t wearing my ring.

“So, what the hell does that mean?” Alicia asked. “I mean, obviously you guys are still together. Where is it?”

“We’re not engaged any longer. He said he realized he was pushing me too fast and that we had a lot of time to decide to take that next step.”

“I take it you don’t agree.”

I looked at Alicia and gave my best effort at making a smile, which wasn’t meant to be happy. “No, I don’t. I also didn’t tell him what I should have. I want to be engaged to him, I really do. The thing is, I don’t think he got the reason why I gave him the ring back. I wish I could do it all over again and make everything clear.”

“I would have been confused, too, Mia,” Alicia said pointedly.

I shrugged. “Well, the intent was to give him the ability to make a decision without having a string attached. I thought when he chose us being a couple, he would want to go back to what we were … engaged.”

Alicia got up and came over to where I was sitting. “He chose you. Why can’t you see this for what it is? Realistically, you guys are probably too young to get engaged or be married, anyway. I mean, I’m still all for it, but I can see his side of things.”

I shook my head. I still didn’t agree. “You know, this weekend sucked,” I said, stretching and moving the pillow to the side. It was my way of bringing an end to the subject of Jensen, but Alicia wouldn’t let it go.

“I still can’t believe he came to town and didn’t even tell us. And it’s even weirder that he stayed with Gabe.”

“Yeah, the whole visit was off,” I agreed in a monotone voice.

The door into the kitchen from the garage flung open and the kitchen suddenly became a flurry of activity as Alicia’s parents came in, fresh from grocery shopping. Satisfied that at least something else had taken Alicia’s attention away, I followed behind her as she got up off the couch and made her way into the kitchen where Ashlyn was busy pulling things out of bags and methodically putting them away. Dan came back in carrying a bag in each arm, setting them both down on the counter. Both parents look frazzled and neither said a word. There was no wondering why.

Alicia and I got to work helping Ashlyn put groceries away. It was quiet aside from the crackling sound of grocery bags and the opening and closing of the refrigerator and pantry doors. I felt like I had to break the ice and call out the elephant in the room, but Alicia beat me to it.

“You guys are freaking me out. You’re way too quiet about this whole Jensen-Emery-Savannah thing.” Ashlyn turned to face Alicia, her eyes narrowed. Dan looked lost.

“Alicia, this isn’t the time to talk about it.” Ashlyn turned to face Alicia with narrowed eyes, briefly looking at me and then back at Alicia in an almost scolding manner, as if to say it wasn’t the time or place.

Taking Ashlyn’s actions as almost an insult, I was upset and blurted out, “Actually, we probably should talk about it.” I was involved, too. After all, as far as I was concerned I was almost part of the family. At least I was once.

Blinking a few times as if to hold back tears Ashlyn stayed quiet, and a moment later she covered the distance between us in three large strides and put her arms around me and held me tight. By then she was crying, really crying. Awkwardly I hugged her back and had no idea what to say or do. After what felt like several minutes, Ashlyn released me and wiped her eyes. Dan came over to put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

“You’re really angry with both of them, aren’t you?” I said, watching Ashlyn nod and Dan keep a stoic look to his face. I couldn’t ever recall a time when they weren’t pleased with their children. It was a little bit of a shock. Ashlyn was the first to speak up.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to think the little girl was Jensen’s,” she said, “Now I understand why you left early. When I found out, I wanted to wring both their necks. We taught those two better than that!” The last was almost spat out through gritted teeth.

“It was also shitty of Savannah not to tell anyone until now,” Alicia piped up.

“Alicia,” Dan scolded softly, shaking his head. I wasn’t sure if he was chiding her for cursing or for bashing Savannah.

“I hope she isn’t planning on suing him for back child support since she didn’t tell him until now,” Ashlyn murmured angrily. She reached out and put her hand on my face unexpectedly. “How are you doing with this, honey?”

I told her the news was still a shock, but I was glad the girl didn’t turn out to be Jensen’s. What I didn’t tell her was that Jensen didn’t want to be engaged any longer, and that I was having doubts about whether we could actually make it through this. She gave me a knowing look and insisted I stay for dinner, which turned out to be very dismal. I was more than glad to finally excuse myself around seven-thirty, saying I had a lot of homework to finish, which wasn’t completely a lie. I had only one paper due the following day that wouldn’t take long to complete. I couldn’t get out of the Meyers’ household fast enough.

Walking through the front door, the strong, lingering scent of roses hit me as an immediate reminder of my weekend with Jensen. I only hoped the roses wouldn’t be a reminder of our strained time together from then on. Fifteen minutes into my homework, I was sitting at the little bar by the kitchen, wrapping my legs around the stool and trying to will my creativity to kick in. A mad case of writer’s block had taken over, and tapping my pencil against the empty sheet of paper wasn’t helping me to come up with anything for a first draft for Persuasion. With my thoughts a blank slate, I stared at the vase of roses and reached out to touch one of the soft red petals. Just as I was about to lean forward and smell it, someone came knocking at my door. I hadn’t heard a car, but when I turned around and looked out the window I saw Krissa’s car parked in the driveway behind my truck.

“Kris!” I exclaimed as I threw the door open.

Krissa couldn’t have come at a better time. In the short distance it took to walk from her car to my front door, she had accumulated quite a bit of snow in her hair and on her shoulders. I noticed she had her school bag flung across her shoulder and I asked if she had come over to have what we called a “homework crash.” I welcomed her in and she gave me a smile, kicked off her waffle-stompers and dropped her bag on the couch. Giving the place a onceover and eyeing the roses, she told me I was one lucky girl. I didn’t know how to tell her I wasn’t as lucky as she thought.

Making herself at home, Krissa took off her coat and left it by the front door to dry before unceremoniously depositing herself down onto my couch with a heavy sigh. Taking this as an indication that something was wrong, I sat down next to her on the couch and asked her what was going on.

“I broke up with Ryan,” she shared, sticking her thumb nail in her mouth. She seemed nervous. “Valentine’s day and all.” She rolled her eyes, but it wasn’t meant as a gesture of annoyance.

“Why? I thought you guys worked it out at Thanksgiving and he came here for Christmas.”

Krissa pulled her thumb out of her mouth and sighed again. “We did. New Year’s was a different story.” She looked at me for a reaction, and when I didn’t say anything she asked, “You disagree?”

Recalling the two of them being all over each other in the corner at the party, I pushed the thought from my head before I put a disgusted look on my face. It was the party where I’d gotten so wasted I didn’t realize Nate wasn’t Jensen. Krissa eyed me suspiciously and went on to say Ryan had gotten really drunk on New Year’s after he’d promised her he wouldn’t. Apparently because he’d been so drunk, Ryan had kissed some girl right in front of Krissa and embarrassed her in front of their friends. Part of me wanted to tell her to give him a second chance, but I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to go down that road. I had done the very same thing and knew it could have happened to Ryan, too. I’m glad I didn’t say anything because Krissa told me the last straw for her was when she later called a drunken Ryan at his dorm and some girl was in the background giggling and telling him to hang up.

“I’m sorry, Kris. Maybe he’ll get his act together and the two of you will figure it out.” A pang came to my heart as I thought of me and Jensen.

“I guess,” Krissa said, “I even told him to do just that before I’d consider getting back together with him. The thing is, I don’t think it’s in him right now to do that. I mean, the guy seems to be drinking non-stop anyway, and the cherry on the icing is him getting drunk to the point of making out with some chick right in front of me? You know, I don’t even think he remembered I was there.” She shook her head. “No, for him to straighten up it is going to take more than just a few dry weekends.”

Krissa opened her math book and started on her homework as if to tell me that was the end of the conversation. Reluctantly I went back to the bar and my own homework, but I really wanted to ask her if she’d known Ryan had a problem with drinking when he was still in high school. It was hard to believe college could do that to someone to the point of ruining a relationship, but then the realization hit me. It could happen. Jensen. Fallon. Nate. Me. We had all just chosen different outcomes than Krissa and Ryan.

Chewing on the tip of my eraser in deep thought, this new revelation bothered me, especially when it came to me and Jensen. Was there something deep down that was wrong with our relationship that we were both ignoring? I pondered that thought and seriously tried to think more about the paper I was doing.

Around nine-forty-five I was finished with my homework. Krissa had put her books away sometime before I was ready to and lounged on the couch to watch television, keeping the volume low.

When it was time to put my paper away, I asked if she wanted to stay over. Being alone wasn’t something I wanted, and I didn’t think Krissa wanted to go home, either. She looked more than ready to stay just where she was, and said her phone was probably ringing off the hook with Ryan at the other end. “I don’t want to deal with him right now,” she told me.

More than just glad she wanted to stay, I took hold of the phone and tossed it her way, saying to call her parents and that I had clothes she could borrow for the following day. “I can wake you up when I leave for zero-hour.”

“Sounds fab.” Krissa took the phone and dialed her home, talked to her dad, and then hung up. Their conversation lasted all of thirty seconds. “Ryan called twice,” Krissa shared as she put the phone back in its cradle. “Can we go to bed now?” She seemed a little agitated.

“Sure. I probably have an extra toothbrush, too.”

Krissa followed me back to my bedroom where I pointed to the closet and told her to put on whatever pajamas she found. We were both about the same size and I had a few outfits to choose from. When I came out from the bathroom after washing my face and brushing my teeth, a plaid-dressed Krissa went in and did the same.

After we both climbed into bed, I felt the need to confess to my best friend. “Jensen came to town on Saturday,” I divulged, pulling the blankets up to my neck.

Krissa turned toward me, propping her head up on her right hand. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I don’t know, I guess because it was a weird visit. You seemed to be pretty upset about Ryan and I didn’t want to put this on you.” I stared up at the ceiling.

“That’s what friends are for, to talk about our guy problems.”

I wondered just how much I should tell her, and then I decided I was already in it and I should probably just continue to share how shitty my weekend had been. “After I got home from the SATs, I found those roses on the counter. Jensen invited me to dinner via a card.”

“How odd,” my friend commented. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught her examining some of her hair, which she had pinched between her thumb and index finger.

“We went to The Fiddlehead and it seemed like he’d been there before. Anyway, the whole dinner was a bit tense because the last time we saw each other was when I went to Phoenix and all that shit with his ex and her kid happened.”

“Wait, you didn’t say anything about this to me. Oh, do tell!” Krissa dropped the hair she’d been examining and was suddenly all ears.

Backing up the story to when I’d met Savannah the first time, I brought Krissa up to the present and told her all about my weekend with Jensen. She got a brief rundown of what The Fiddlehead was like and what they had to offer (because she just had to know), and then I told her that Jensen got the DNA test back and it wasn’t a perfect match.

“He’s not the father? That’s great news!” Krissa exclaimed.

I gave her a look and her excitement wilted fast.

“So who’s the father? If it wasn’t a perfect match, then he’s just related to the kid somehow, right?” She hadn’t thought the test result through.

“Emery.”

Krissa eyes widened and she got a shocked look on her face before letting out a low and bewildered, “Nooo!” She leaned in closer to hear more and I told her what Emery had told Jensen about hooking up with Savannah. Krissa didn’t understand why Jensen would feel cheated on because they were broken up at the time.

“Yeah, Kris, but there’s like some kind of bro code that you don’t fuck around with your brother’s ex. That also goes for the ex of your best friend. It’s even worse if they haven’t been broken up for very long.”

Krissa began chewing on her thumb nail.

“His parents are pretty pissed at both him and Emery for being so careless,” I continued, “and Dan and Ashlyn didn’t mess around when it came to ‘the sex talk.’ They were pretty adamant about birth control and having safe sex.”

Krissa took in all that I said and had few questions, but then I brought up Jensen’s small tryst with Fallon and that seemed to floor her even more. She wasn’t surprised Jensen got high, most everyone did at some point, but she couldn’t get over him messing around with another girl, no matter how much weed he smoked.

“It had to be the booze, Mia,” she offered.

I sort of agreed, but that wasn’t an excuse. From there I told her about the rest of my time with Jensen at The Club and then lunch at Bullwinkle’s, not leaving out the details of him flirting with Bree or treating me like one of his guy friends. “He didn’t even want me seeing him off at the airport,” I finished with a heavy sigh.

Krissa was quiet for a few minutes and then turned to look at me, saying, “It feels like just yesterday I was helping you into my window after your midnight birthday rendezvous with Jensen. Who knew it would all come to this?”

“What made you think of that?”

“I guess sleeping over reminded me of when you lived with me that summer before you broke away from your mother. Things seemed so much less complicated then.” She sighed. “We seemed so much younger then, too.”

“Yeah, we did.”

For a minute I thought about Ryan and wondered when he started drinking more than just a few beers at the occasional party. When I asked Krissa out loud, she confirmed my suspicions by saying he had been drinking for quite a few years. I guess it wasn’t college that had turned him into an alky.

“Jensen didn’t really drink much before college, did he?” she asked.

“Not really. About as much as Nate, I guess.”

“Nate a year ago, maybe,” Krissa commented, stifling a yawn.

I immediately came to attention. “You noticed, too?”

“How could you not? He smells like a brewery.”

“Aria has to know. I wonder what she thinks about it.”

“I don’t know, she’s pretty preoccupied with being pregnant. Do you think the baby is why Nate started drinking?”

I nodded. Shit, how do I skate around this question? Of course I know it is because of the baby. He had come to see me drunk off his ass after he’d found out.

Krissa rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more interesting.” She gave a dark laugh.

“Yeah,” I said, rolling onto my side.

It was quiet for a few minutes and then Krissa reached up and turned the light off, ending our conversation abruptly by telling me goodnight.

“See you in the morning,” I said, rolling over and closing my eyes. I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning, I didn’t have to wake Krissa up—the shower did that for me. She was groggy and a little grumpy, but said “that’s alright” and rolled over when I explained I had to get up a little earlier than usual because of all the snow that had accumulated during the night.

Cleaning off my car and driving in it would take some time, so I recommended she do the same. After brushing off all the snow from my truck and heating it up, I arrived at school with time to spare and walked into zero-hour ten minutes before the bell rang. Opening my accounting book, I began looking through the next chapter, thinking it might be a good idea to study the material before the teacher discussed it, and when I was deep into it someone sat down next to me. Looking up, I caught sight of Nate’s sly smile.

“Hey, how were the SATs?”

“Long.” I shut the book and leaned back in my seat, placing my hands casually behind my head and stretching my back out against the chair. “I thought you were going to take them?”

“Already did. Last spring. I got a twelve-fifty.”

I looked at him to see if he was bullshitting me, but it was obvious he was being completely serious.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, not believing he didn’t share that news with me sooner.

“Sorry, I just forgot. I got the results over the summer and didn’t really see you much since you were spending every waking hour with your boy.”

I felt a pang of guilt for not spending more time with my good friend. He had been there for me more than anyone lately. He was with me when I’d been in the hospital, even though we’d been fighting at the time. Not to mention he was still keeping my secret although he pointedly told me I had to tell Jensen sooner rather than later. I imagined that a lot of other people in the same situation would have bailed, but not Nate. Before I could think too much about it, I reminded myself that Jensen wouldn’t have been thrilled about me spending any amount of time with Nate.

“Anyway, it’s not like I’ll be going away to college or anything,” Nate added. His eyebrows came together a bit and I figured he was thinking about having to start life in the real world now that he and Aria were going to be parents. I could tell he was a little bitter, but before I could give any kind of comment the bell rang and our teacher told us to settle down.

The hour dragged by and finally the bell rang to signal the end of class. Quickly gathering my books and materials, I headed for the door and was a bit surprised when Nate hastily rushed past me and left the room before I did. Aria wasn’t hanging around outside the classroom door like she normally did, but looking to the stairs to the left of the class, I could see her slowly coming down the stairs. For being five months along she still wasn’t really showing and part of me felt like her slow walk was a ruse to get Nate to pay attention to her.

Nate zig-zagged through the crowd and caught up to Aria, taking her books from her before they went up the stairs. She didn’t look happy at all and I could have guessed that it had something to do with making that long climb up the stairs that she had just come down. Students who couldn’t get around easily on the stairs were given a key to the elevators, and I wondered if Aria would get one when she was too big to move around much. Watching the two of them, I felt a surge of sympathy and a wave of sadness. At one time Aria was a good friend, and after all that had happened I wasn’t quite sure if I would ever call her my friend again. I should have been one to carry her books, help her up the stairs, get her through the nine months like any friend would, but no, there I was, walking behind her at a slower pace so she wouldn’t see me and possibly call me out again like she did that day at my house.

I walked slowly and felt relief when I saw her go into a bathroom at the top of the next floor. Taking the stairs two at a time, I dashed past the bathroom door and Nate, who was standing nearby looking down at his waffle stompers, and made my way down the hall to my locker. When I got closer I saw Krissa there and she was in the process of shutting the door.

“Not yet!” I said, reaching for the locker door. Krissa grabbed it before it slammed on my fingers.

“Just in time,” she called out before I quickly tossed my accounting book inside and grabbed my notebook for my next class with Alicia. “I should stay over more often,” she said. “That was a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, we should, but on a weekend. We can stay up later and gossip,” I said while at the same time looking around for Alicia. It was odd that she wasn’t waiting for me.

“If you’re looking for Alicia, she had a DECA meeting this morning. I saw her when I came in.”

I was about to comment when Krissa lunged up on her toes and began waving her arms above her head. “Hey, Aria! Hey, Nate!”

I rolled my eyes in the confines of our locker so only my books would see my annoyance. Oh, no. Now what do I do?

Aria and Nate arrived at the locker before I could make a discreet get-away, and all I could think of to do was give them a quick nod. Aria let out a “hi” but I was sure it was directed at Krissa and not me, and in order to save myself I put out a “see you guys” and took off down the hall without looking at any of them. Current Events class awaited me.

Slipping into a seat, I watched for Alicia to get there and remembered that Jensen hadn’t called to tell me he’d made it back safely like I’d asked him to. Before I had a chance to pick apart and analyze that, Alicia slid into her seat just as the bell rang. She smiled at me and our teacher got right to business reading the bulletin for the day. The entire class period, we were more than busy and didn’t get a chance to talk until the bell rang and we walked together to our lockers. Now that we had a new seventy-five minute class schedule, breaks in-between were now fifteen minutes, enough time do to more than just get from one class to another. At the time she heard about the change in times from the school bulletin, Alicia had thrown a fit and I wondered what she thought of it now. To me it seemed a plus. Walking down the hall and dodging other people, I asked how her parents were holding up.

“The same,” Alicia shrugged, “although Em called last night after you left. Evidently Madison knows, and she and Emery are at a bit of a crossroad about this whole kid thing. Em is taking a DNA test to confirm it’s really his kid, but obviously it is since Jensen wasn’t a hundred percent match.”

“I guess I’d also take the test just to be sure and have it down on paper. If this does wind up in court, anyone who could possibly be the father has to be tested.” Sometimes I liked watching the talk shows on TV that dealt with cheating and paternity and knew the value of scientific tests. Alicia agreed, and I said Jensen was pretty pissed at Emery. “Do you think he’ll talk to him anytime soon?”

“I don’t know. Em said he tried calling Jensen but couldn’t get ahold of him. He said something about going to take a trip to see him, but Mom told Emery to give Jensen space. I’m not sure what he’ll do.”

“That would be smart. Jensen is ... he’s just not himself.”

By then we had arrived at my locker and Alicia looked at me as if willing me to share more, but there wasn’t anything I could add. For some time now I’d been trying to figure out what the hell was going on and how I was going to handle it, no matter what anyone else did. Some days felt as if there were so many circumstances and no clear-cut answers. I spun the dial on the lock and quickly opened it.

“Well,” Alicia started before she took off to her own locker, “let’s hope he breaks out of it. I don’t like it when he’s not his usual self.” Alicia then skipped off to her locker, leaving me with that thought and thinking about the last time he wasn’t exactly himself. It was not a welcome reminder of my sophomore year.

That night, coming home after a long day at both school and work at my job with the Federal Government, I found a short and sweet message on my phone from Jensen. He said he was sorry for not calling to say he’d arrived safely, that a layover in Seattle had lasted longer than planned and he didn’t want to wake me after getting home. I listened to it twice just to hear his voice before hitting ‘delete,’ and then picked up the receiver to dial Gabe’s number for his perspective of my weekend. He answered on the fifth ring, seemingly out of breath and claiming to have been out for a run. I knew better because I heard a faint female voice in the background ask who it was and if he could call me back. I assumed it was Marissa.

“It’s not a bad time, is it?” I asked, feeling a little embarrassed that I’d caught them in the middle of ‘the act,’ although he didn’t have to answer the phone in the first place.

“Eh, it’s fine. What can I do you for?”

“I kind of need your opinion on Jensen since he stayed at your house this last weekend.” I brought my feet up on the couch and sat cross-legged, not caring now whether his evening extra-curricular activity was waiting for him or not.

“He wasn’t his usual self, that’s for sure,” Gabe shared, and then listened as I launched into my time with him. Once I was finished, he gave his two cents.

“Most of the weekend I was with Marissa,” Gabe said, “but we did talk before you two went to dinner on Saturday and when I took him to the airport on Sunday.”

“What was he like before we went to dinner?”

“I don’t know, I guess he seemed a little nervous.” Gabe paused.

Assuming his hesitancy was because he wasn’t quite sure what Jensen had shared with me about Fallon, I thought I better speak up. I wanted a no-holds-barred opinion from Gabe, so I told him I knew all about his drug-and-alcohol-induced entanglement with Fallon.

“Alright, good, I wasn’t sure how much of it he told you, or if he had yet.” Gabe relaxed and began to freely tell me about Jensen. “It was really tearing him up and I think he was stressing over seeing you for the first time since Phoenix.”

“Did he even tell you everything that happened in Phoenix?” I wanted to know.

“He saw Savannah, thought her kid was his, you gave the ring back and left ... yeah, he told me.”

“I think Jensen missed the point of why I gave the ring back,” I stressed. I now knew without a doubt I should have made it clear to Jensen then that I hadn’t ended things, and I should’ve done so before he acted like a single guy and did something that would be hard for me to forgive. I was starting to feel party to blame for his actions. “Gabe, I didn’t give him his ring back to end our engagement or even our relationship. I did it because I wanted him to feel like he had time to make an informed decision without any pressure. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to choose me simply because we were already engaged.” I unfolded my legs and stretched them out in front of me, digging my toes into the carpet.

“Yeah. By the way he explained your split, I’d say our boy may have missed that point. He also said something about Phoenix being a wake-up call, and that he was pushing you too fast to do the whole marriage thing.”

“Did he tell you that Emery got Savannah pregnant?” I hoped I wasn’t saying too much.

“Oh, shit, yeah. He’s pretty fucked up over that, too, that’s for sure. We talked about that a lot on Sunday. He was analyzing why he had such bad luck with girlfriends cheating on him.”

I winced at Gabe’s comment and was feeling two things at once: relief and guilt. Relief that I hadn’t told Jensen about Nate because it would have surely pushed him over the edge, and guilt that I still needed to come clean about that with him. It felt like a ticking time bomb that I needed to hurl as far away from me as possible before it blew up in my face.

“Mia?” Gabe called me back to the conversation.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“You’re not saying anything. I was just telling you to just give him time. I think he’s coming back here for spring break and I’m sure he’ll be in a better mood then. When is that? A couple of weeks away?”

“Yeah, it is. I’m hoping you’re right because I don’t think I can take another uncomfortable visit with him.” I laughed awkwardly to try to lighten the mood, only it didn’t feel lightened.

“Listen, I gotta go,” Gabe said. “Hang in there. It’ll be alright.”

“Thanks, Gabe. Talk to you later.”

Gabe hung up quickly and I put my phone back in its cradle. Looking at the calendar hanging on the wall, I flipped through it until I reached what I was looking for. Spring break for me was the first week of April. If Jensen’s classes ended in mid-May, his spring break would probably be earlier in March. I picked the phone up to call him and ask. It rang four times and Erik answered in his usual chipper voice.

“Hi, Erik, it’s Mia. Jensen there?”

“He went to the library to study. I guess I was too damn loud for him.” Erik laughed. “Sorry, a little sex humor.”

I laughed awkwardly with him, but inside I was cringing. I didn’t need to hear about Erik’s sex life or have the visual of Jensen trying to study while Erik was entertaining someone in his bed just a few feet away.

“Maybe you can help me with something,” I said. “When is your spring break?”

“Oh, um,” Erik paused. I imagined he was looking at a calendar stuck on the wall as I heard some paper flipping in the background. “Yeah, here it is. It’s the second week of April. Are you coming out?”

“I don’t know. Jensen said something about coming back to visit during spring break. I get the first week of April and now you tell me he gets the second. Hmmm … I wonder how that will work out?” Not knowing what else to talk about with Erik, the line became silent and I knew I was going to have to end our so-called conversation. “Just tell him I called, alright?”

“Sure thing. Later, girl.”

Knowing that Jensen’s spring break was far enough off to give him more than enough time to chill out, I felt better. Now all I had to do was figure out how the hell I was going to tell him about the baby and what happened that night with Nate.