Читать книгу Move Your Mind - Nick Bracks - Страница 15

As part of my healing, I enrolled in a Business and Entrepreneurship course at RMIT University. After so long out of university and not working, I needed some purpose and something to focus on. The psychologist was instilling in me the importance of taking baby steps forward, so I liked the sound of starting my own business. But there was a hurdle: I was expected to do 15 oral presentations in the first semester as part of the assessment.

I was still too shy to speak in front of even one person, and couldn't look people in the eye, so I completely panicked. I couldn't sleep, was sick to my stomach and tried to pull out of the course due to my fear of public speaking. I would have quit too had I not had the support of my mum, the psychologist and my friend. They knew, as I did, that pulling out would not only waste more time, but would also lead to having no purpose again and putting myself in life-threatening situations.

I turned up for the first of the presentations. They were often in front of just five people, as it was a small course. Nonetheless, I was in a state of sheer panic. So much so that I vomited in the bathroom beforehand.

When it came time to deliver the presentation, I read what I had written word for word and stood there, staring at the floor and mumbling the words. No-one would have understood anything that I said. As horrendous as I felt, nothing bad happened. Sure, I'd made a terrible job of that first speech, but I'd kept going and got through it, even when I stuffed up.

I did many more like that and they taught me an invaluable lesson: not to listen to all the stories that your mind tells you. My mind would say, ‘Nick, you're not good enough’, ‘You are pathetic’, ‘You have nothing good to say’ and ‘You don't deserve to be here’ to the point where I would throw up beforehand. We can’t stop our mind from thinking, but we can choose which thoughts we give power to.

As well as not listening to the stories your mind tells you, it also taught me something I apply to this day: not to give credit to everything your mind tells you. It taught me that even when I did an average job, people were supportive. It taught me that it's okay to try new things and that it's okay to not be the best. The only way anyone gets good at anything is by taking that first step. I use this mindfulness technique to this day.

By the end of that course at university, I was comfortable speaking in front of groups of people and had made major progress in my mental health. I had also started to develop a passion for mental health and helping others, which sowed the first seeds of my work in this area.