Читать книгу Yes, Please. Thanks!: Teaching Children of All Ages Manners, Respect and Social Skills for Life - Penny Palmano - Страница 24

‘Easier said than done!’ you’re probably thinking, when the children have been arguing all day, refuse to leave the TV and won’t do their homework or tidy their room. In a perfect world we would never lose our tempers and shout at our children, but in a perfect world our children would never do anything to make us. However, in the real world they do and sometimes we do lose it.

In such cases when you suddenly snap and scream or shout at your children, if they are young, they may burst into tears as they have never seen their mother or father in this state and it frightens them. As soon as you compose yourself, apologize to them and say that you’re sorry you lost your temper. Some young children may need to be reassured that although you shouted you still love them. Don’t go thinking you are a terrible parent or having a guilt trip because you screamed a short monologue at your children. First, you are not alone and secondly, you are a parent not a saint!

However, even older children can be upset by seeing a parent suddenly losing it. Again apologize, but do not let your sudden lack of control become the substitute for their punishment. If during your rant you unrealistically said that they were not going to go out for a month and anything still remaining on their bedroom floor was going to be binned, when you have composed yourself, impose a sensible punishment. If your children are not used to seeing you lose control, they too will feel guilty that they pushed you that far, where in truth it was possibly a combination of things, culminating in their behaviour being ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’. If this is the case explain it to them, as they can start to understand, as they get older, the pressures adults are put under with work, relationships, money issues and children.

Try to stay calm.

Making a habit of shouting at your children will just teach them that if you can’t control yourself, why should they? They will revert to shouting and screaming when they are angry. Shouting is very ineffective and they will cease listening to what you are saying. Some children actually quite enjoy seeing a parent losing their self-control and will wind them up accordingly. Don’t fall into that trap.

It is far more effective to speak in a very firm, very controlled voice, as if to say, ‘I am in control and I intend remaining very much in control.’