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Talk Turkey to Me is a spirited and playful how-to book that will guide you humorously as you prepare a perfect turkey for any occasion. It features an assortment of cooking methods. Whether you choose to prepare your turkey the traditional way—roasted in the oven—or on a grill or rotisserie, roasted upside down, or even cooked from frozen (yes!), you’ll find that this cookbook is like no other. The pages that follow contain detailed instructions for more than 20 cooking methods and how to achieve a picture-perfect turkey every time. Our “call girl,” Renee Ferguson, provides straightforward answers to questions from the call-in turkey hotline, an essential resource for those legions of people who find themselves with a case of “turkey trauma” when it comes time to prepare their holiday meal.

This comprehensive, step-by-step guide will help you to plan a special feast or an everyday dinner by recounting amusing questions and comments by hotline callers. The helpful but lighthearted responses of our hotline “call girl” make for lively and entertaining reading.

Turkey is the ultimate comfort food. A turkey dinner usually conjures up images of traditional holiday meals with family and friends. Now you can have that feeling year round. Turkey is making an appearance on menus throughout the year, whether it’s at a backyard barbeque, Fourth of July celebration, everyday dinner, or any of a multitude of holiday gatherings. Low in carbohydrates, fats, sodium, and cholesterol, turkey is a popular choice among the food-conscious, from South Beach, Atkins, and Sugar Buster dieters to those who are simply concerned with healthy eating. Yet for all of its nutritional benefits, turkey still manages to maintain a comfort-food profile.

A turkey dinner offers the versatility of that little black dress in every woman’s wardrobe. It’s the subtle backdrop to the accessories of your outfit—or to the side dishes of your meal. The main course that isn’t prepared properly, like the little black dress that doesn’t fit properly, can ruin your entire evening.

Callers’ kitchen trials and tribulations are recounted by our hotline “call girl.” Ferguson uses each amusing question or anecdote to guide the reader through the various steps and methods of turkey preparation. Many of the questions will have you chuckling. Just as with reality television, the reader becomes a voyeur, listening in on the everyday cooking challenges faced by so many people. Used as a reference, the book offers quick and easy answers—but don’t be surprised if you find yourself caught up in the questions and answers as you thumb through the pages.

Most cookbooks approach the cooking task from a basic, one-size-fits-all perspective. They assume you’ll be cooking your turkey either in an oven or on a grill and simply give you the required cooking times. Well, one size does not fit all. Maybe you intend to roast your turkey in an oven bag or in Grandma’s covered roaster. Or perhaps you forgot to thaw the bird! Dovetailed with the variety of methods described in these pages are questions and stories from callers that will help to enlighten you in an entertaining way.

Beyond turkey triumphs and challenges, the book includes a collection of tried-and-true recipes for starters, side dishes, desserts, and various accompaniments. Experienced cooks as well as novices who have never so much as picked up a cookbook before will enjoy trying out these recipes. They may even discover a dish or three that will become part of their holiday celebrations for years to come.

So whether you have a convection oven and can’t find the instructions, or are trying to master a water smoker for the first time (or the twentieth), in this book you’ll quickly find your answer, your funny bone, and how to prepare your turkey perfectly, from grocery bag to table.

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