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Meet the Needs of Marriage Itself

Therefore encourage one another

and build each other up,

just as in fact you are doing

(1 Thessalonians 5, 11).

Each member of the couple has specific concrete needs. It is important that the other party knows them, and as far as possible, satisfies them. But there also exists needs of the marriage such as to seek to grow together.

In my life experience serving marriages, I think the basic need for excellence that demand most couples is to be “one.” This is the most sublime dream of every husband and every wife. Now this desire for full unity is expressed by elements involving the unit’s needs: communication and intimacy. Moreover, as the unit does not mean to close in on itself, there is a need for openness and spirituality.

Being “one”

Liliana stated: “I get the impression that our marital needs are being attended to fine. We complement each other quite well, rather than competing as we did before. We feel good with what we have, rather than mourn what we do not have. You're helping to discover the good in me and inspire me to overcome the negative. Thank you for being mine, I am proud of you. “

We said before that the unit is one of the most sublime ideals of a husband or wife for their marriage. But we must clarify that there are diverse types and stages of the unit.

As for the latter, we know that unity is not static as opposed to disunity. But through the various stages there exists the possibility of growing in the unit, causing it to grow farther away from disunity. Thus, the unit is not a mere sentiment, but something much deeper which requires serious work to go about destroying (without losing the individuality) the “I” and to build “us.”

With regard to the fact that the unit is not a loss of individuality and the personality of each, we see two possible types of unity, one true and one false.

Many falsely confuse unity with uniformity. Everything conjures up the image of the same symphony. But it is not, because no symphony consists of a single note repeated throughout the entire piece. When you look at a staff you discover a piece of music that is composed of a wide variety of notes. It is true, genuine, and is compatible with the differences. And it is always realized with variety. Otherwise, what is achieved is pure uniqueness or dominion of one over the other.

True unity is only reached by those who honestly share and walk together in the same direction: having one and only one heart; one mind and one soul. Now, how to satisfy the unity that you need in a practical way?

To be a solid reality the unit demands a deep communication that, in turn, opens the door to a great intimacy.

Communication

Jorge commented: “The most important need in our marriage is our trust and mutual communication. Open up with one another to share our feelings, our sorrows and joys, our fears, and even our weaknesses. Only then can we understand and help each other“.

Without communication, without a deep dialogue, it is impossible that couples are happy in their marriage. Communication between the two is the concrete way to grow and mature in love. But for that communication to be effective, you need to devote time to marital dialogue. We must never forget that people are more important than things. Ah! Do Not forget that the greatest enemy of communication is individualism.

Privacy

It is the natural fruit of a mature conjugal relationship. Hence Liliana said: “Our loving intimacy grows as the time we spend with the other, the things we do together, our frequent and increased communication, and our prayer.” Intimacy is a very strong need of the male and female married couple. After a time of sharing home, table, and bed, spouses yearn for greater mutual intimacy.

Many times, we have a fear of this intimacy, and this infringes on our unity. There is a fear of losing one’s individuality as the spouse knows his own imperfections, limitations and weaknesses. Unfortunately, they often create tricks to avoid intimacy. But when they manage to overcome this fear, they discover with joy that both are longing and need a more intimate marital relationship.

The unity has need to express, hence the opening. Without opening, the unity is not true. You must join to open. The closed, sooner or later becomes corrupted. Marriage must be opened through its specific mission in society and in the Church. It should open its masterpiece which are the children. Seek to help all those who in one way or another knock on the door of the house. The truly united marriage is always open to life and love.

Moreover, marriage, which wants to build unity, imperatively needs a spirituality. In our materialistic and consumeristic society, apparently the majority of men and women do not care much about spirituality. “Whether we admit it or not, our most important and basic need is our relationship with God,” said Carola and Chiche.

We are so preoccupied and absorbed by the material things that we lose the sense of human life. Spirituality is the forgotten and lost dimension and indeed many marriages die from lack of spirituality. Without it, it is unlikely that the other needs of marriage can be fully satisfied. Without conjugal spirituality the marriage disintegrates. Therefore, “encourage together one another to grow.”

To dialogue as a couple

1. What needs did we discover in our marriage?

2. How will we work to grow in “being one”?

3. What are the clearest signs of our unity?

4. What degree of intimacy have we achieved in our marriage?

5. Do we cultivate our married spirituality or is it a forgotten and lost dimension?

To pray together

Lord Jesus,

We feel the basic need

Of our marriage is unity.

So we ask you to help us grow in it,

achieving greater communication between us,

which enables us to be more deeply intimate.

And yet, we want that unity of our hearts

to appear in our attitude of openness towards others,

especially to our children and those who

need us the most.

In addition, so that our unity is solid,

and since you are in our midst,

help us to live a rich spirituality.

Amen.