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The Happiness We Seek

May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth!

(cf. Prov. 5, 18).

There is no better wish for a married couple than their happiness. Ultimately it is what everyone craves. Our whole life is a search for happiness. There exists within us an unquenchable thirst for happiness. Now: Are there happy marriages? We live in a deeply happy society... so how do we achieve a happy marriage in the midst of this society? One of the most intolerable and miserable things in the world is an unhappy marriage. A marriage should be a blessing but, in many places, it is like a curse.

The key: To be happy in marriage is like an art and has to be learned.

We all, in one way or another, talk about happiness: “I am happy,” “I am not happy,” “I believe in happiness,” “I am seeking to be happy.” But: What is happiness?

It is not easy to find an adequate definition that satisfies. If we ask a lot, or if between us we try to find the definition of happiness, we will discover that almost no match exists in the idea we have of it. But at the same time, we see they are not bad, but do not fully exhaust what we actually understand as happiness. What we are sure of is: “short-term happiness, long-term frustration.” Happiness should involve our whole life. We cannot stop at one stage as if fullness was reached since we find that time passes and circumstances vary.

Happiness, as we build it, produces a conscious state of satisfaction as when the achievement of a goal, or a desire is experienced. One feels good about one’s self.

We all need to achieve happiness, especially if we are humble, simple and generous. Happiness is not something that comes in itself, nor can it be acquired once for an entire lifetime. It is achieved with effort and sacrifice. Your search for happiness is an art. There are no magical recipes to be happy, but there are certain elements that must accompany the pursuit of happiness: reflection, self-awareness, acceptance and own self-esteem, self-love, respect for others, order, discipline, willpower, happiness to one's conscience and the path to God.

There are also dangers and enemies of happiness: exaggerated self-seeking, focusing on one’s self, going after the easy successes, the immediate gratification and momentary pleasure, selfishness, pride, ambition and injustice.

Happiness in marriage: is it possible? Many in front of the altar said “I do” but then eventually were dissolving “I do not want”, “I cannot” or “I will never love you.” However, there are many couples who are happy over the years. What is the secret?

The secret of marital happiness begins by knowing the desires and inspirations of yourself, spouse and interpersonal relationship. When these desires and aspirations are assumed, you discover happiness is at home and not outside it. Furthermore, to say that happiness in marriage is possible, a joint effort is required.

How to characterize a happy marriage? There is a certain mold, but we can take the common characteristics of marriages that become so:

• Between the two there is a current of sincerity and honesty.

• When proposing a target, they believe they can achieve it.

• Regardless, they are determined to overcome obstacles to make their marriage work.

• They are willing and open to sharing their whole being.

• They face with courage and maturity, the crises, conflicts and problems.

• They dominate their feelings, anger and jealousy.

• They like to be together as long as possible and trust each other as true friends.

• They accept each other as they are.

• There exists respect and mutual trust between them.

• They emphasize the positive in their dialogues before the negative.

• They emphasize what unites more than what separates them.

• Conjugal dialogue is priority every day.

• The “I’m Sorry” appears in their lives as often as necessary.

• They make some time to have fun together.

• They are generous, open.

• They know that their marriage is going well, but wish to strongly improve the marriage.

• They pray and read the word of God together.

Take heart! There is a very large energy of love in your marriage. Although it seems that everything is trapped by the routine, frustration or fatigue, say with the poet Antonio Machado: “I thought the fire of my home was out so I removed the ashes ... and I burned your hands.”

To dialogue as a couple

1. Do we believe that we are a happy marriage?

2. What do we need to be happier?

3. What can we do to make our marriage happier?

To pray together

Lord Jesus,

you called us to happiness,

so you came to save us.

We, together, as a marriage, want to reach it.

We're obtaining our quest

since years ago,

today with gains and some losses,

with joys and sorrows,

with many things that made us grow

and those that needed some forgiveness,

we can say: we are building happiness.

But we know that we are achieving this

because you are in our midst,

so we ask,

never abandon us

in this magnificent quest:

to be happy together.

Amen.