Читать книгу Laughing at Cancer - Ros Ben-Moshe - Страница 14

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8 June 2011

Shhhh…hush…

It just dawned on me I am the source of awkward silence. The hushed conversations and disquiet in the air.

How can it be that in the course of two weeks, things that were always talked about are now not? Conversations feel fraudulent; there’s no hint of normalcy. How can there be any when chats begin in such forced fashion? No one dares air their own troubles or concerns. General chitchat and everyday complaints are absent. In this moment, everyone else’s lives seem a picture of perfection. I am now living in what feels like a surreal experiment.

Never one for small talk, my inner resistance is growing; that, and the tears quickening their pace, edging me dangerously close to flooding point.

I think of the times I’ve been privy to these types of conversations and imagine the non-verbalised track in people’s shocked minds: ‘I can’t believe it.’ ‘Have you heard?’ ‘So young.’ ‘cancer? Really?’ ‘She seemed so healthy.’ ‘Oh no…how terrible.’

Yet there have also been times since I was co-opted on this roller-coaster ride, I have almost felt psyched, as if higher forces had chosen me to serve the ‘Greater Good’. I am aware this may sound deluded—or taking positive thinking to an extreme—but in the end I know I will be a stronger person for this. I will triumph. I will learn. I will grow. I will rise to the occasion, give back, nurture, and I will heal. My body will be rid of any lingering toxins and replenished by Vitality and Spirit: the true essence of life.

Will it be easy? Probably not. Will it be achievable? Yes, because I’ve made a commitment to myself to live, really live. Not half-heartedly, or casually, but with a bolstered level of commitment that often comes when faced by life’s ephemeral nature.

I’m certain that if I searched Google for ‘let’s really live’ support groups, activities such as jumping out of airplanes would come up; not the answers I am looking for. Yet it does get me thinking, what does living really entail? My hunch is it’s about all the minutiae things that compose your day. Not the big life events you have to wait for half a lifetime in the hope you will then reap the rewards.

So in the days ahead I’m going to embrace the recommenda-tions by Positive Psychologist Dr Barbara Fredrickson, to create micro moments of joy that lift my spirit, boost and enlighten my happiness and enrich my soul. I need to identify things that make my heart sing. These need to be ritualised. Whilst some activities such as grocery shopping, washing clothes and keeping the house in a semblance of order may need to be done, they should be recognised for what they really are: chores that are rarely filled with joy or purpose. At this time especially I need to enhance my joy and actualise a greater sense of meaning and purpose.

And with that I’m signing off, resting my weary eyes and body to rejuvenate with a nice, transformational, deep slumber.

List 5 things that make your heart sing.

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List 5 things that often get in the way.

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