Читать книгу The Epitome of Perfection - Ryan Reynolds - Страница 6

This is your savior in three different poses, looking simply… amazing.

Before we get into my tales of life and jaw dropping theories. Let me first introduce you to myself, just in-case you somehow have absolutely no idea who I am and you are only reading this book due to the fact that someone recommended it to you (which would be every intelligent being, by the way). Either way, somebody, somewhere in your life, realises how great I am and how pathetic and discreet your entire existence is, hopefully you can now realise this and begin changing your ways with help from yours truly in the following, godly pages and coming chapters.

So anyway! Without further a due;

I am Ryan Reynolds. NO! Not the actor… I’m better.

The next person to ask me if I am the actor; if I’m related to the actor; or if I was named after the actor, is going to receive a swift kick to the face. Followed by a litre of bleach being poured down their throat; I shall then cover them in oil, light them on fire, push them into a pull full of angry sharks which each have no teeth left due to me personally removing each of them one by one. I will then drag you from the pool and tie you to the back of a motorcycle which I will then proceed to navigate, 5 miles along an uneasy road; I will hang you by the left ankle, upside down from a street light and slice open your torso; I shall saw off your left arm with a stale toothbrush and I shall ram your decapitated elbow into your colon. Finally, I will blindfold you and throw you into the back of a truck; I will pay the truck driver to drive you far away from our current location and to throw you into the nearest lake. It’s all fair game from here on.

Now, back to me.

I was born, Ryan Alexander Graeme Reynolds but a lot of you people may know me as ragreynolds, due to my online nature. The name ragreynolds was created when I first created a YouTube account back in 2008. I decided to combine my 4 names into one. Hence creating: r[yan]a[lexander]g[raeme]reynolds; ragreynolds.

Since that day of creating that YouTube channel, I have been dedicated to bringing joy to others with great quality entertainment and by supplying others with a shining lifestyle exemplar. I have slowly been shaping humanity in my likeness just so that every person can attempt to have as great of a life as mine is.

But enough of this entertainment crap, we’ll get to that in a later chapter, for now all you need to know is that my name is Ryan or ragreynolds (but you can call me Sir, or Lord, whichever you prefer) and that I am going to take you on the journey of your life and mould you into the best possible person that you are capable of being.

That’s it.

So buckle up people and stay for the ride, this planes ‘bout to part, don’t get left in the dark.