Читать книгу The Epitome of Perfection - Ryan Reynolds - Страница 9

This piece of crap, still looks better than my school.

I hate school. I really do. You know I could just leave this whole chapter at that. That first statement just sums it all up for me. I hate school, so much. And you know what, that’s what I’m going to do, I am going to leave this chapter here. I am going to leave you with this picture of a… wait. This picture may symbolise how much I love school, and maybe after you stare at it for hours on end, you will see it all in the same way as I do.

But, before I leave you to fantasize to this great picture, and discretely abuse the tissues I asked you to retrieve earlier, I will say a thing or two about myself regarding school and education in general.

First of all, I want to take this opportunity right now, to stress to you, NOT TO STUDY A LANGUAGE. End of. I studied French for eight whole years at school. I can speak around 4 sentences if I’m lucky, and those aren’t large or complex sentences. Every lesson is boring and repetitive. I can’t even remember what I used to do in those classes, I was always falling asleep. I can only speak a few sentences of French and I passed the class. I got a frickin’ A. The exam was a memory test and nothing more. It was nothing to do with your knowledge. There were three parts to the exam. Two of the parts, you needed a decent memory, and the third, all you needed to know was how to use a dictionary.

Part 1 was a speaking test. All you do is memorise a paragraph, then read it to the teacher. We were told to study it for months leading up to the test. I memorised it in the final lesson before it. I came out with full marks, and I don’t even have that great of a memory!

Part 2 was a writing test. It was the same as the speaking except you write it down. The only difficult thing here is spelling the words correctly, which even then, is not too difficult. I only dropped one mark here.

Part 3 was the most pathetic of the lot. It was the reading test. They sit you down with a passage and a dictionary and you have to answer questions related to the passage. Let me say that again. THEY GIVE YOU A DICTIONARY! What is the point? Anyone with half a brain can use a dictionary. You just look up the words in French and it tells you what they translate to in English and vice-versa. I seriously think that the people who make up these exams only have three more brain cells than cows. And the reason for having those 3 extra brain cells is just to prevent themselves from shitting on the floor while marking the papers. Idiots.

Besides French, I also studied Physics, which was another huge waste of time. I somehow passed that with he second highest grade possible without ever studying for it and having no clue what was going on half of the time. you know, I NEVER studied for any of my subjects that year and I passed them all with high grades. My favourite part about this is the fact that every single one of those teachers always used to sit us down and lecture us, lesson after lesson about how it is was impossible for anyone to pass unless you study and try your hardest.

Well, I guess I’m just as much of a genius as I present myself to be and that others see me as, going by the fact that I proved all you people wrong, big time.

TAKE NOTE: Ryan’s favourite pass-time: proving people wrong.

Okay, that is enough on this so called ‘education’. I never intended to go into the detail I have gone into so far. I am stopping here.

Now please, enjoy the great picture, to which I was earlier refering to.

Doesn’t it just look so god damn tasty? Just like school food.