Читать книгу The Truth about Relationships - Stefan Blom - Страница 25

Show real interest

Your focus in a conversation is, firstly, to show interest in your partner’s real experience and, secondly, to understand what he or she is saying to you. Your focus should never be on being right or on fixing things or finding solutions, because real interest and understanding are the solutions.

The experience of a solution comes when you both feel seen, acknowledged and understood. That moment is a relief for most – the moment in which you see that your partner is really trying to understand you and is showing a real interest in what you are saying. Being seen is beautiful and it makes us feel deeply loved.

A willingness to try to understand each other’s experiences of life is an act of love.

You show your interest in understanding, and your willingness to understand, by switching off your television or phone, giving your relationship your undivided attention and looking each other in the eye when you speak. Trying your best to show real interest and understanding in what is being shared is the best conversation you can have. Doing so will bring you closer and make you feel more connected to each other.

Questions to ask about your relationship

•Which of our behaviours during a conversation make us feel unacknowledged and unheard?

•Which of our behaviours during a conversation speak of real interest?

•Which promise can we make to our relationship in terms of how we will show real interest in the future?