Читать книгу The Secret of Happy Parents: How to Stay in Love as a Couple and True to Yourself - Steve Biddulph - Страница 28

Let’s explore the subject of sexual bonding in more depth. Our sexuality is much more than a simple animal urge to procreate, it is connected to our emotions and our thoughts, and has a magnetic way of drawing people into relationships which can then develop far beyond simply lusty desire. In this way it builds between two people an accumulating reserve of pleasure, security, release and openness.

Lifelong pair-bonds are common in the animal world (and so is promiscuity, but few species combine the two). The unique nature of human sexuality – the intense female orgasm which only humans seem to experience and the absence of the distinct ‘on heat’ cycle experienced by other mammals – means that (for reasons we do not yet understand) sex is constantly present in our social lives. In evolutionary terms, pair-bonding meant that the whole fabric of family and clan was made more secure and trustworthy. People could spend time away hunting, children could be raised in relative safety, because the sexually forged bond between partner-parents meant that they would yearn for the specific company of that one person, above any other.

This carries a risk though. Put in simple terms, if you have sex with someone, you are very likely to fall in love with them. So clearly, it is not a good idea to get bonded to someone whom your heart and head have huge reservations about. This is why all human cultures are very careful about adolescent sexuality, and why young people themselves, in spite of what adults believe, are actually very conscious about relinquishing their virginity. Research has shown that a surprising 25 per cent of all young people are still virgins at twenty-one. Given the power of sexual attraction, young people have to be admired: most manage to hold out for a relationship with some closeness and mutual vulnerability. Those of us who don’t quite manage usually learn the lesson and quickly become more selective.

When ‘the fire down below’ connects with mental sparkle up top and the glow of emotion from the heart, then all three are charged and magnified. It’s worth waiting for.