Читать книгу The Secret of Happy Parents: How to Stay in Love as a Couple and True to Yourself - Steve Biddulph - Страница 35

In the excitement of becoming a couple, people make a serious mistake: they forget about their friends. The role of friends in making life happier and easier has been badly neglected in our culture – especially amongst men. Friendships are often seen as almost a casual thing, people to fill in time with until one finds one’s ‘true love’. The post-war nuclear family was supposed to be totally self-sufficient. Friends were for chatting to at barbecues, to sell Tupperware to, and have over for a game of bridge. Then we began to discover the dramatic fact that the couple or the family in isolation does not work. A family on its own is about as stable as a tent with no pegs. The steep rise in both marriage break-ups and single parenthood soon led people to realize that friends were like insurance – they would be there when marriage failed or was just in a stuck spot. Lack of friends may even cause a marriage break up: it places too much strain on couples and leaves too few support networks in the event of hardship, illness, the death of a child. Today this tide is changing. People are valuing friends more. Men, and women, meet in cafes to chat once a week. The rise of men’s groups, and the willingness of parents of young children to build strong and intimate friendships with their neighbours, has begun putting some ‘village’ back into our lives.

Friends help you to continue to grow as an individual – not just one half of a couple. Long-term friends remember the teenager you once were, what you’ve loved, lost, tried, and achieved. And they remind you of your authentic self. This strengthens you and prevents you from losing yourself, and so the marriage itself is made stronger.