Читать книгу The Interpersonal Communication Playbook - Teri Kwal Gamble - Страница 21

Recall that interpersonal communication between any two people ranges from “impersonal” at one end of an imaginary continuum to “intimate” at the other end.

When you respond impersonally to another person, you communicate based on limited knowledge of the categories into which to place that person—that is, the social groups or the culture to which you believe the person belongs—rather than on your personal experience interacting with that individual.

In contrast, when you respond to someone personally, you respond to an individual, drawing on your knowledge of their personality to guide your interactions. In other words, your past experience with the individual allows you to differentiate that person from the groups to which that individual belongs. You now take this unique person and their needs into account.

As a relationship develops and you get to know someone better, not only can you describe the person’s behavior, but you also can more accurately predict their behavior in a particular situation. When you know someone really well, you also are able to explain the reasons for their actions. For instance, when you share an impersonal relationship with someone at work, you likely can describe the individual’s behavior—maybe how they procrastinate in completing assignments. When you see a supervisor giving that person a project to work on, you may be able to predict that the project will not be completed on time. Were you to share an even more personal relationship with your coworker, however, you also might be able to explain the reasons behind the procrastination, such as concerns about a child’s illness or feelings of inadequacy.

Each party in an interpersonal relationship participates in the functions of sending and receiving messages. Each serves simultaneously as sender and receiver, both parties giving out and taking in messages. For example, in the following exchange, both Jana and Karl give and receive messages:

Jana: I’m so tired. I wish we didn’t have to go to the Joneses’ party.

Karl: You always feel tired whenever we have plans to go to a party for someone I work with.

Jana: Why do you have to attack me when I say how I feel?

Karl: What’s the matter with you? I’m not attacking you. I’m only commenting on what I observe and experience directly.

Jana: Give me a break. Don’t I have a right to be tired?

Karl: Sure you do. Just tell me one thing. Why do you never feel tired when we’re going to a party hosted by your friends?

Interpersonal communication is transactional in nature. It is a process in which transmission and reception occur simultaneously, and source and receiver continually influence one another. What we think of each other and what we believe the other to know affect the messages we send.⁶ Each party in a dyad simultaneously performs the roles of sender and receiver, also known as role duality. How the individuals perform the roles, or how good they are at sending and receiving, depends on what they bring to the relationship, including their feelings about themselves, their knowledge about communication, and their attitudes, values, and goals. All these elements influence how well a sender encodes his or her thoughts, feelings, emotions, and attitudes by putting them into a form another can relate to, and how the receiver decodes the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and attitudes of the sender.

Try This: Rating Relationships

Think about some of the relationships you have had over your lifetime.

1 Identify an extremely satisfying interpersonal relationship and an extremely frustrating one.

2 Identify the specific aspects of each relationship that made it satisfying or frustrating for you.

3 After summarizing the characteristics and qualities that differentiate your most satisfying relationship from your most frustrating one, propose steps you might have taken to increase your satisfaction with the relationship you found frustrating.