Читать книгу Anger Management For Dummies - W. Doyle Gentry - Страница 13

In this section, we explore the “where” of anger. After all, anger doesn’t occur in a vacuum; it happens in specific places or contexts. The most frequent place for anger to erupt is in the home. But the initial anger trigger often starts somewhere else.

Jennifer has a high-stress job as an account executive. Her boss demands long hours and often resorts to verbal abuse. Jennifer steams and fumes when he does so, but she remains silent out of fear that she could lose her job. Unfortunately, she routinely takes her anger out on her children. While preparing dinner, she feels impatient, short-tempered, and yells at her kids. Jennifer’s anger triggers occur at work, but the expression of her anger takes place at home.

Thus, in addition to understanding your anger triggers, knowing exactly “where” you usually express your anger is helpful. If there’s a mismatch between where your anger starts and where it ends up being expressed, you have something to work on. Part III provides you with a plethora of tools for more effectively managing your anger where it really begins.

Common anger situations or contexts include the following:

✔ Home: Sadly, many people save up their anger to express with their loved ones. They seem to believe that it’s safe to do that. What they don’t realize is that such behavior can be abusive and frequently causes emotional scars, divorces, marital strife, and even charges of abuse.

✔ Work: People in power have a tendency to express excessive anger, generally at those who have less power. People on the bottom of the hierarchy either stuff their anger in or explode and get fired.

✔ Crowds, noisy places, and traffic jams: Even people without major anger problems sometimes become irritable and frustrated in these contexts. Think about people who have gotten into fist fights on airplanes over 2 inches of legroom or instances of road rage that result in bodily harm. (See Chapter 23 for specific ideas about dealing with road rage.)

✔ Social settings: Parties and family functions can provide a tinder box for igniting anger. Sometimes that’s because of alcohol, which can disinhibit people’s anger expression. Other times, it’s because of long-standing histories of hostility between friends and family.