Читать книгу A Quest for Healing – A Story of Love - EBOOK - Wendy Carol Abelson RNCP ROHP - Страница 13

The lab reports that came back during the month of August were not good. In a desperate attempt to remedy this news, I did a sixteen-day juice fast. Fasting could be dangerous if it was not done correctly, but I had researched it thoroughly. What more did I need to do to heal myself?

My confusion and despair grew stronger. I could not handle my body being ill a moment longer. I was anxious about losing my eyesight or even my life with kidney complications. Michael had suggested that I let life show me the way and to let go of the struggle. Perhaps life would bring me the answers if I simply flowed with it. Fighting with myself was empowering a negative situation.

The phone rang one afternoon and a warm familiar voice greeted me. “Michael!” I said happily. My spirits began to lift. “I was just thinking about you.” I had been wondering if I would ever see Michael again. It was a wonderful surprise to find out that he had flown into town that morning.

“Would you like to get together?”

“Like to? I’d love to!” Having Michael in town brought a renewed feeling of hope.

“I’ll pick you up at four.”

When Michael drove up, I could barely stand still. I wanted to run outside and throw my arms around him, but I did not want to appear overly anxious to see him. It seemed to take Michael forever to walk from the car to the door. It was amazing to see my friend again.

Michael picked me up and embraced me and spun me around in a circle. Just like a scene from a Hollywood movie. “It’s great to see you, Wendy!”

“What’s new with you?” I was curious.

“There have been great things happening lately,” said Michael. He was beaming with enthusiasm. “I did a seminar in Santa Barbara called the Sage Experience. The theme was about understanding ourselves and our beliefs. It could be something of value for you to do.”

“Could it help heal me?” The desire to be well continued to be a strong force within me.

“I’m certain that it would help you in many ways,” said Michael.

We drove to Riley Park where we were entertained by colorful hot air balloons. Their billowing sides were bursting with rainbow colors. Michael and I held hands as a red and yellow balloon was filled with air. A few people were scurrying about in preparation for their journey up into the sky.

“Tell me more about the seminar that you did in Santa Barbara,” I said.

“Much of Sage was about dealing with childhood issues that we carry around like extra baggage. It is amazing how much our childhood can affect our adult life,” said Michael.

“With the difficult childhood that I experienced, I’m sure that I have a lot of extra baggage.” It was uncomfortable to think about, I did not want to face myself.

“Using affirmations might help you,” said Michael.

“What are they?”

Michael described affirmations as positive statements that were repeated many times until a goal was reached. “I am healthy or I am happy is an example. The power of the mind is very great; we become whatever we think,” said Michael.

“So what we are talking about is disciplining the mind.” I knew from experience that it was easy to allow one’s thoughts to wander into confusion and worry.

“A miracle happened during the seminar. Tom’s mother was in the hospital with cancer. We all did affirmations for her. Not only did the cancer disappear from her body, but from the x-ray too.”

“That sounds rather far-fetched to me.” My logical mind doubted the story, but perhaps anything was possible. I also wondered if the doctors had looked at the wrong x-ray when they had made their diagnosis.

“How have you been?” asked Michael with compassion.

“This health issue is frustrating. Many people have been healed of serious ailments and the medical profession can’t explain it. Why am I not getting results? What more do I need to do?” I told Michael about the fast I had done and the many therapies I had tried.

“Everything you are doing is extreme. Maybe all you need to do is a little of one thing. Perhaps it is a question of balance.”

“That makes sense. Extremes need to be balanced. My health has not changed and it is discouraging. The support of my friends is also slipping away. Many of my friends have left my life because they think my beliefs are strange. This makes me sad.”

“Your true friends will always be with you,” said Michael. The sun was low on the horizon and the evening light gave the park a warm glow. We sat on a bench under a large pine tree and Michael stretched his arm out along the back of the chair behind me. He was indeed a true friend.

“This may sound funny,” I said with a grin. “It came to me that one day I will help you as much as you have helped me. It’s like you need me for something too.”

“Possibly, but there is a part of me that resists that idea. I think I can do it all on my own.”

“Maybe you’re not meant to do it all on your own, Michael. Maybe your lesson is to let someone in to help you.”

“It’s getting a little cool. Perhaps we should get going,” said Michael, changing the subject. “I also need to return my friend’s car by ten.” Michael and I walked to the car, admiring the stars that filled the sky.

“These August nights are beginning to get a little cool,” I said while pulling my sweater around me.

“Yes,” nodded Michael. “I think I’ll slip on my jeans.” Michael took off his shorts and slipped on a pair of jeans while standing outside the open car door. No one was near and it was dark, but I still found it amusing.

“Michael, I wouldn’t be brave enough to do that,” I laughed.

“Why not? We all spend so much time worrying about what other people think. Does it really matter? Besides it’s pitch black out here.” After a quick change of clothes, we were on our way.

“I’ve been doing some more automatic handwriting.” I opened my purse and unfolded a small piece of paper. “This one discusses how the light of God is pure consciousness and it will dissolve all unlike itself.”

Michael read the page and smiled with approval. “There is much knowledge here. Maybe one day we will write a book together.” Although I had never considered writing a book, there was something in Michael’s words that brought forth excitement. There was a feeling of discovery inside me, as if I had found a secret that was destined to occur.

“My high school English teacher wanted to do her master’s thesis based upon my automatic handwriting. She thought I was connecting with the subconscious mind in a way that most people couldn’t do.”

“Everyone has the potential to connect with their subconscious,” said Michael.

“I’ve also been working with subliminal tapes. I believe that it’s possible to program the mind to heal the body. My thoughts are very powerful and I see how they affect my body.”

“In some ways, we all get subliminally programmed,” said Michael as he turned up the volume of the radio. “Just listen to the lyrics of this song. They too are a form of subliminal persuasion. How often do we sing along with the words and not think about what we are saying?”

“It’s not the lyrics that are the real problem. We don’t think for ourselves anymore. We have become like lost sheep following the ideas of the crowd. We need to think for ourselves.”

“Anybody home?” asked Michael as we pulled up in front of my house.

“I think we have the house to ourselves.” Michael lay on my bed and I curled up beside him.

Michael picked up a book that was by the bed. “What is this book about?” he asked as he examined the cover.

“I’ve been reading books about visualization and healing. It is interesting how everyone’s perceptions are different. I’m learning mental exercises to develop my skills,” I said.

“Visualization has been around for centuries. Even the ancient shamans and village doctors used it,” said Michael.

“Our minds are incredibly powerful, but we use such a small amount of our potential,” I commented.

“Some research suggests that we use less than five percent of our brain power. Imagine what we could do if we were working at our full capacity,” said Michael.

As Michael and I talked, I began to feel the same explosions of energy moving up my spine. It was more than sexual energy and I did not understand it. There was a spiritual connection between Michael and me that embraced my soul with electricity. It was a curiosity, but it was also a little frightening.

“I realized something important, I said as I leaned toward Michael. “If any one of the alternative therapies that I used had healed me, I would have thought it was the only way. I now recognize that all systems have the potential to heal. It’s just a matter of which one I can believe,”

“That is an important lesson, Wendy. Belief makes everything happen.” Michael stroked my hand and grinned at me. “Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow night?”

“I would love that,” I said with a sense of relief. We had not talked about how long Michael would be visiting Calgary. At least he would be here for a couple of days.

The trees were swaying in the breeze the next afternoon as I walked up the steps of Daniel’s white two-story house. Daniel was a friend that Michael had met while taking an advanced massage course. “What’s for dinner?” I asked Michael with a mischievous smile. The kitchen was filled with enticing aromas.

“Chicken, rice, and some stir-fried veggies. I have also cooked some seafood for you since you’re not eating meat. Have you ever had mussels?”

“Can’t say I have. I’d love to try ’em.” I was no longer eating only raw vegetarian food.

“You look nice,” said Michael. I shied away from the compliment and looked down at the floor. I did not feel attractive. Michael hugged me and commented that he liked the perfume that I was wearing. The sound of his voice stirred something inside me.

A knock came from the back door. Daniel came into the kitchen to answer it and Michael released me from his arms. A heavy man with black hair and a moustache came in the door. “Hi,” he said. “It sure smells good in here.” He looked at me and introduced himself. “I’m Kevin. You must be Wendy. Michael has told me lots about you.”

“What did he say?” I asked with apprehension.

“He spoke highly of you,” said Kevin. “Michael tells me that you are interested in healing.”

“Lately it has become an important part of my life,” I said.

“I am also very interested in healing. I’m a minister of a New Thought Church,” said Kevin.

“Dinner is ready,” said Michael as he lit the candles placed in an elaborate candelabrum. Michael served dinner and then eyed me mischievously. He gently placed a mussel drenched with butter into my mouth.

“Hey, these things are great,” I said with surprise.

Kevin nodded in agreement and then told us about his church and beliefs. “Yesterday, a man was lying on the side of the road. He was unconscious so I took him to one of the shelters. He looked like he had not had a decent meal in a week.”

“There are many people in our city who need help,” said Michael.

“I wonder how many people really care?” I asked.

“Being homeless and hungry is not just a third-world problem. It happens here too,” said Kevin.

Daniel was uneasy with the conversation. He moved about in his chair like he was trying to avoid the subject. Did he fear poverty because he was terrified of being in the same circumstances? I felt compassion for his fear as I did for the impoverished people. “What’s for dessert?” asked Daniel, trying to change the subject.

“How about ice cream?” asked Michael. “Wendy and I can get some from the corner store.”

Michael and I walked down the alley hopping over puddles of water from an afternoon rain shower. We were like two little kids. Michael had a playfulness that most adults had lost. I laughed when I missed dry land and put my foot in the middle of a big puddle. We walked down the alley intentionally bumping into each other. Michael and I laughed and made jokes all the way to the store.

We peered into the frozen dairy section and Michael looked at his reflection in the glass. “It’s been a long time since I’ve taken a good look at myself in a mirror. Sometimes it’s difficult to fully appreciate our own beauty. I usually look into a mirror with judgment. I guess I don’t look half-bad.”

My immediate reaction was that it was vain to look in the mirror and appreciate one’s self. There was an important lesson in what Michael had said. Self-love was important to any healing.

Michael bought vanilla Haagen Daz and we headed back to Daniel’s house. “I feel like I’m becoming more in tune with myself, Michael. I believe healing comes from inside me, but I don’t know what that means yet.”

“We all have growing and learning to do. There’s nothing like the school of life,” said Michael as he hopped over a puddle.

“I guess there is a positive side to experiencing a health challenge. It is an opportunity to learn,” I said while looking up at the stars. “Why is life such a mystery?”

Daniel and Kevin had disappeared when we returned to the house. Michael and I sat on the sofa and I enviously watched him savoring each mouthful of vanilla ice cream. “Would you like a taste?” asked Michael as he teased me with a spoon full of sweetness.

“Sure, why not? One spoonful won’t hurt me.” Michael carefully pushed a spoonful of vanilla ice cream into my mouth and I could not believe how it tasted. “This definitely tastes better than wheat grass.” I had not experienced its creamy texture and sweet flavor in over a year.

Michael decided to extend his visit for a couple of weeks. This news filled me with joy because he would be able to take a few of my dance classes at the College. Although I was still very tired from my struggle with my health, I had decided to teach for another semester.

Michael was now staying with his friend Peter who lived downtown. Peter had an elegant apartment with a cushy black couch and an old-fashioned wardrobe style cabinet. Quartz crystals and other impressive stones were scattered on the coffee table. As I looked at the crystals, I noticed a white book beside them. It seemed to be calling me. “What is this book about?”

“Have I told you about Ramtha?” asked Michael.

“No,” I said waiting to hear more.

“Ramtha is a great teacher in spirit form. He helps people to find themselves and conquer their fears. If you’ve got a fear, Ramtha will make it happen. You soon learn to get over your anxieties.”

It was beyond my understanding how any spirit could make things happen in a person’s life. I found the thought of anyone manifesting my fears about my health terrifying. “It sounds really weird to me.” I reminded myself to keep an open mind.

Michael explained that Ramtha was channeled by J.Z. Knight. A channeler was someone who allowed a spirit to talk through them. I was afraid to hear any more about Ramtha because I did not want him to manifest my fears, even if it might help me to get over them.

I sat on the sofa and took my blood pressure. “Oh, no! My blood pressure is very high again. This always scares me because of the eye and kidney stuff!” Maybe Ramtha was already manifesting my fears.

“Try to remain calm, Wendy. Sit there and relax for a moment. Peter and I were experimenting with something last night. I want to try it with you. Just breathe deeply.” Michael sat with a very upright posture in front of me, and an intense look of concentration came over his face. He seemed to be looking into the depths of my soul. Although I did not understand what he was doing, I began to feel calm. “Now take your blood pressure.”

I took another reading. “It’s lower, but it is still far from normal. I reached for my bottle of pills and slumped down into the sofa, almost sliding onto the floor.

Michael embraced my body, crouching over me. I was surprised he did not fall on top of me. It seemed like a peculiar position to hug someone. Michael had succeeded in making me laugh. “You are going to be fine, Wendy.” I wished that I could be as confident about my health as Michael.

“Maybe I should visit you in Santa Barbara and do that seminar you were talking about. It might help.”

“There will be another Sage Experience in January,” said Michael. “I think it would be very valuable for you.”

There was something I wanted to ask Michael, but I wondered if I had the courage. “If I visit you in Santa Barbara, could you hold me in your arms one night as a friend?” For several reasons, I had an extraordinary fear of men. I was hopeful that Michael would be able to help me heal this fear. There was a part of me that longed to simply be held.

“I would be happy to do that for you,” said Michael as I curled into a little ball facing him on the sofa. Michael pulled my foot into his lap and started to massage it.

I had read that newborn babies die if they were not held. It seemed that touch was an important aspect of health. There were times that I had experienced such extensive touch depravation that I felt like a part of me was dying.

We arrived early for dance class, and sat at a round table near the snack bar. Michael reached across the table and held my hand. “It was interesting what came up for me at Sage when we were going through family issues.” Michael told me about some things that had happened in his childhood.

“Our lives have many parallels,” I said.

Michael’s face tightened as he looked at me with sad eyes. I could feel his pain. “I don’t know why this stuff is coming up again for me now. It was supposed to have been released when I did the seminar.”

I squeezed Michael’s hand and listened with compassion. “Michael, a lifetime of emotions may take a little time to understand.”

“Many psychics have said that I hold anger within me. If it’s there, I don’t feel it. We did processes at Sage that were supposed to bring anger to the surface, but I just didn’t feel it.”

I glanced up at the clock and realized that I needed to prepare for my jazz class, but all I wanted to do was hold Michael’s hand. He seemed to be reaching feelings that he had not dealt with at the seminar. I felt his pain and I looked into his eyes with great love. “I hate to say this, but...”

“I know. It’s time for class.” I was pleased that my dear friend was there to share the joy that I felt in teaching. Michael had an amazing talent when it came to dance. His technical skills needed polishing, but he was a natural.

The class was soon over and we were sprawled all over the floor while we stretched our bodies. One of my students walked up to me with a big grin on her face. “You and Michael make a great team. There is something special when you are together.” It was true that something was there, but I did not understand what it was.

“That was fun! I should take dance classes more often,” said Michael. He was silent for a few moments. “I’ll be leaving for Santa Barbara tomorrow. This is for you.” Michael placed a cool solid object into my hand. It was one of his beautiful quartz crystals.

Many people believe that crystals channel energy into the body when held, and that this energy can heal. It is also believed that crystals store information from ancient civilizations. Although I did not know what to believe, I tried to keep an open mind about it.

The gift of the crystal touched my heart. Michael and I shared a special friendship. We were two souls searching for the meaning of life. Michael had taught me innumerable lessons, but there were still many questions unanswered. “Oh Michael, you are so sweet,” I said as I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

Michael drove me home after class. I felt sad as we approached my house. “I’m leaving tomorrow around noon. It has been great to see you, Wendy. You have my address where I’m staying in Santa Barbara. You can send me some more of your writing.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“Nah, you will be busy with other stuff. I love you, Wendy. Take care of yourself.” I slowly walked up the sidewalk. Michael waited until I was inside and then he waved. A tear rolled down my cheek as I watched him drive down the street.

The next morning, I looked out the window and watched the birds chasing each other on the tall pine trees that stood in our backyard. It was a cloudy day and it looked like it might rain. The weather reflected my emotions. I surrendered to allowing life to guide me.

“Would you like to go for Sunday brunch at the airport hotel?” asked Mom as she cleaned the kitchen counter. “Aunt Pat has invited us.”

“Maybe I will get a chance to see Michael before his flight! This is interesting timing because we had not been to the airport hotel restaurant in years.” A curious feeling of joy enveloped me. Michael’s flight was leaving around noon, but it seemed unlikely that I would run into him. I did not know which airline he was taking or the exact time of his flight. If it was meant to be, I would see him.

When we arrived at the airport, I felt an urgency to rush to the departure level. I ran down the escalator steps as it slowly chugged along. I wondered if Michael was even in the airport. Perhaps my imagination was simply running wild.

A thought flashed through my mind that if I turned the wrong way, I would miss him. “God, which way do I turn?” I headed down a corridor of people rushing to meet their flights. There was a large crowd of people mingling about. Would I even see Michael if he was there?

At the other end of the airport, I saw someone with a familiar face walking toward me. Doubts haunted me because the face was too distant to be certain, but I could feel it in my heart. I walked toward him until I could see it was really Michael. “Wendy!” Michael said with astonishment.

“Would you believe I was invited to the airport hotel for brunch today?”

“Your timing is unbelievable. I just arrived here and it’s time for me to catch my flight.”

I walked Michael to the gate where he would be going through security. “Have a wonderful trip, Michael. I love you!” I said with exuberance. Life had given me a subtle message by bringing me to the airport that day. It was the beginning of many unusual coincidences.

Christmas arrived with a wonderful surprise from my parents. It was a plane ticket to go to Santa Barbara to do the Sage Experience. The plans were in motion for me to make my first trip outside of Canada.

A couple weeks before my trip, I sat on the sofa and pondered life’s mysteries. Michael’s face came into my mind and I began to feel very agitated. The feeling increased until I was pacing the floor. I could not understand what was happening to me.

My instinct told me that these feelings were coming from Michael who was many miles away in Santa Barbara. Why was I experiencing emotions that were not my own? Perhaps it was just my imagination.

That evening I phoned Michael. “How was your day?” I asked with curiosity.

“It was a rough day for me. An incident happened with this child that I was baby-sitting.” Michael explained the details. All I could do was grin. Michael’s description of his day confirmed what I had felt earlier.

“I had a feeling that your day was a challenging one. That’s why I called to see if you were alright.” A new possibility came to my mind that I had not considered. Close friends could pick up feelings from each other regardless of geographical distance. A mystery was unraveling before my own eyes.