Читать книгу A Quest for Healing – A Story of Love - EBOOK - Wendy Carol Abelson RNCP ROHP - Страница 16

The next morning, Michael and I sat in Verna’s office. It was a cozy room with a fireplace and three chairs. We discussed what was going to happen and then Verna prepared herself to go into a trance. “Let’s see what the spirit has to say,” said Verna. The flames flickered in the fireplace, giving the room an atmosphere of mystery.

Verna became silent. Had another spirit entered her body? I became tense from the uncertainty. My legs were crossed and Michael reached over and moved my leg so that both feet were planted firmly on the ground. I did not understand why he did this. Had I done something wrong? I began to feel skeptical and frightened.

“This is Indera,” said the spirit who began to speak through Verna’s body. She had an Indian accent and her voice was different from Verna’s. Indera welcomed us and said that there were many interesting circumstances surrounding Michael and me.

She told Michael that he had been a drifter in his life, but that the present time was not for drifting. It was time for him to move forward and accomplish what needed to be done. I listened with fascination and began to lose my skepticism. Everything she was saying had truth. I was filled with awe.

“There is a new teacher who stands by your side. He indicates that to work with you, it is necessary for him to have a sense of humor.” Michael laughed as Indera said this. It was an amusing thought that Michael possibly frustrated his spirit guides.

Verna believed that every person had spirit guides to help deal with life’s lessons. Even if a person was not aware that he had a guide, the guide still played an important role in helping the individual to grow and develop. I wondered if guides were real, or if they were a figment of Verna’s imagination.

Indera told Michael that he had an understanding of life that was beyond the knowledge of many people. Michael had an open mind and perhaps this was the key to learning. If someone were unwilling to consider new ideas, they might close the door to truth.

“We want to speak also to the lady, and we will pick on you for a while.” Michael laughed at these words. “In your own manner of being, you will begin to stretch. At present, you put things up high as if you’re not ready for them. We want to encourage you to go beyond this particular point in your experience.” I wondered why Indera referred to herself as “we.”

Indera told me that I would learn how to be more confident in the future, and that a spirit guide by the name of Magdalena would help me to do this. Magdalena was a guide who would give me much love and encouragement. Many questions filled my mind. Was it true that I placed things up high as if I did not want to obtain them? Did I do this with healing? Her description of my fears and anxieties was incredibly accurate.

Indera pinpointed my inability to communicate my feelings because of the fear of rejection. My body shaking and stomach tightening whenever I revealed feelings that risked a friendship were examples of this. Instead of dealing with events directly, I would look for a way that would bring peace. I came to realize that I could do both. Apprehension had swept through my experiences, stopping me from enjoying life to its fullest. I wondered if encouragement from a spirit guide could help me take a leap of faith.

“I have a question,” said Michael. “Last year I worked with a friend of mine that had cancer. Did I have any part in his healing?”

“You played a dramatic part as a result of the love you expressed. Love is one of the deepest aspects of healing that you can give to another. Everyone has an energy field. When you stand in someone else’s energy field with love, there is always a change. Energy is given so that the body can heal itself.”

Michael looked at me with compassion in his eyes, “I am sure you will find healing too.”

“We speak to both of you now,” said Indera. “We remind you that whatever you continue to see in your mind will happen. It’s a matter of allowing it to come to you. We see many persons who bring things so close to themselves and then they let it go before it manifests.”

“Yes, I believe that’s true,” said Michael.

“I have one more question,” I said. “Have Michael and I known each other in a past life?”

“You have known each other numerous times.” Michael and I had been together primarily in learning situations where we were both seekers of higher learning. The most advanced time together was in Atlantian times, when we studied in the temples of learning.

Perhaps the legends were true about the lost land of Atlantis and the highly advanced civilization that existed long ago. I wondered if I had really known Michael in a past life and whether this was why I felt like I had always known him. My heart told me that this was only part of the reason. There was more of the puzzle that needed to be solved.

“You were also together in the continent of Africa. You often went down the river together and it was there that you met your demise. It was humorous because you both knew it was going to happen and you were prepared. You lived intuitively, totally in tune with nature. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” said Michael.

“It was because of this that you were not ill-prepared. It was as though you were in the physical one minute, and a few moments later you were in the realm of Spirit. You lived that close to it.”

I was in a daze when Michael and I left Verna’s office. Had I experienced an expensive drama or was it real? I could not confirm the past life information, but everything else was accurate. I was confused about what to believe.

“What did you think of the channeling?” asked Michael.

“I don’t know what to think. Is it possible that I’ve placed healing up high and that is why I haven’t achieved it?”

“Only you can answer that,” said Michael.

“I may be the only one who can, but it doesn’t mean that I am aware of the answer.”

We walked across the grass and up the steps to the Mission. It was a beautifully designed building that echoed with the history of the 1700’s. We sat on the steps and held hands as the warm sun surrounded our bodies. “Friendship is a wonderful thing,” said Michael. “I am happy that I know you, Wendy.” Michael looked at me and smiled, squeezing my hand.

“I am happy that I know you too. I wish the world could exist this peacefully.” Michael nodded in agreement.

We explored the museum, learning about Santa Barbara’s history. A gorgeous courtyard, filled with unusual plants and cactuses, connected the museum to the Mission Church. Inside the chapel was an array of eighteenth century art. “This is where I came for a service at Christmas,” said Michael.

“This church is beautiful!” I said. Before me lay an elaborate altar covered with pink flowers. Behind this, eight golden pillars reached up to the ceiling and three statues of angels embraced the majestic scene.

After exiting the church, we found ourselves in an old cemetery. Michael stood before a crypt and crossed his arms on his chest like a mummy. “Take my picture,” he said as he closed his eyes.

“You’re crazy, Michael,” I said laughing. “Don’t be disrespectful of the dead.”

“These people aren’t dead. They’re just somewhere else,” Michael said with a teasing grin. “Are you going to take my picture?” I shrugged and then took the photo.

“Smile, dear mummy,” I said teasing.

“Have you decided whether or not to do the seminar in San Francisco? You would get the chance to see Dan Millman,” said Michael.

“I’m not sure. It’s close to the time that I will be leaving for Calgary.” The real reason was that I did not want to do two seminars in the same week. Directly communicating this would have saved me from a painful lesson.

We left the cemetery and started to walk across the grass back to the van. A shiny metal object caught Michael’s attention. “You’re meant to go to San Francisco,” said Michael laughing.

He passed me an oval shaped piece of metal that had San Francisco written on it and a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. I wondered if finding it was merely a coincidence. “Maybe I am supposed to go. I don’t know.” I began to feel sad. I wanted to go to San Francisco, but I did not want to do another seminar.

“Nothing happens by coincidence. I’d say this was a direct message from the Universe.”

On the way home, we stopped along a road that overlooked the ocean. “Sometimes I forget how much this world has to offer,” I said, looking out at the water. “Worrying about my health stops me from enjoying life.”

“Much of the world is lost in concerns,” said Michael.

“It’s hard not to be if you look at all the things that are happening on the news. Why is this world such a crazy place? There is so much beauty here as well.”

“Many people are at war with one another, on all levels, whether it is global or within a family. Look at what we are doing to our planet. If we continue to pollute and exploit the Earth, what kind of world will we have left? That is also a type of war.”

“I want to do something to help the world, Michael. But there is so much I need to do to heal myself first.”

“That’s where it has to begin, Wendy. We all need to heal ourselves first, and I’m not talking about only the physical. When every person makes peace with themselves, there will be no more war.” Michael’s words carried a powerful truth. When man was at peace with himself, he would not feel the need to conquer and control other people. I believed that when people tried to be controlling, it was because they were not in control of themselves.

“Many New Age writings talk about how we are all God. That can be interpreted in many ways,” I said.

“People certainly have different views about God,” said Michael. He stood beside me as both our bodies absorbed the glistening sun.

“I feel like I am a part of God, and if this is true, then I’m harming myself when I hurt another. If everyone is a part of God, then it’s like they are a part of me. Why would I want to hurt myself?” As I thought about this, an answer came to my mind. “Maybe this ties into the concept of self-love that everyone is talking about these days.”

“It sounds like you’re on to something,” said Michael with a knowing grin.

“Perhaps one day I will understand life.”

“We will all understand in time,” said Michael. “Hey, want to use my skateboard? This looks like a good spot for it.”

“Would you believe that I’ve never been on a skateboard in my whole life?”

“Really? Come on, let’s try it.” Michael grabbed his skateboard and whisked down the street with great agility. I was less than skillful when it came to my turn. “Why have you never been on one of these things?”

“My mom was always afraid I’d kill myself. She thought it was too dangerous.”

“I guess it would be if you had that much fear.” My list of new experiences was growing by the minute. I did not realize the importance of this until much later. Healing was not only placing myself in the presence of love. It was letting go of fear.

Later in the afternoon, Michael’s friend Colin took us for a drive into the mountains to see the sunset. The winding road to the top was very narrow and exhilarating. We reached the summit in time to see the charm of an orange sun as it set over the horizon.

“Wendy and I went to see Verna this morning,” said Michael. He leaned against me as we watched the extraordinary scene that was before us.

“Did you learn anything?” asked Colin.

“Yes, it was quite interesting,” said Michael.

“Mafu is being channeled by Penny at the Biltmore tonight. Would you like to go?” asked Colin.

“I’d love to go!” I exclaimed. Two channelings in one day was a thrilling thought. My curiosity wanted more proof that the spirits were real.

That evening we arrived at the Biltmore Hotel and found three empty seats near the back of the room. I sat between the security of Colin and Michael. Apprehension and skepticism came over me as Penny began the process of going into a trance.

Penny’s expressions and posture changed dramatically when Mafu was channeling through her. Mafu walked around the room and talked to people as he passed. Love for all mankind was his main message.

Mafu told a young woman that she would meet her soulmate. These words seemed to rush through my body like an electrical charge. A strange feeling came over me as I looked at Michael. I wanted to ask Michael what a soulmate was, but I bit my lip as the words came out and remained silent.

On Thursday, Michael and I drove along the scenic coast to Disneyland. We were both like five-year-old kids as we stood in line for the Star Wars ride. We walked up the ramp to the space dock where C3PO and R2D2 greeted us.

There was a sign warning people not to go on the ride who had heart conditions or who were pregnant. “Michael, I don’t know if I should go on this ride. It might elevate my blood pressure.”

“Would you rather wait in the van?” asked Michael sharply. He sounded annoyed and impatient. There were lessons that Michael obviously needed to learn too.

The jungle cruise was next on our agenda. “I’m experiencing lots of new things on this trip. Sushi, channeling and now Disneyland,” I said grinning.

“There’s our safari boat,” said Michael.

“Look at that boat. It’s called The Magdalena,” I said with astonishment. “Do you think that’s just a coincidence? Verna said that one of my guides went by that name.”

“Nothing happens by mere chance, Wendy. Maybe you’re being given more examples of this.” My day at Disneyland was filled with childlike adventure, but it was soon time to return to Santa Barbara.

By the time we arrived home, it was after midnight. Michael played the piano while I took a shower. His musical composition stirred strong feelings from within. I could feel each note that he was going to play next as if I was playing the music.

“That sounds wonderful,” I said as I came out of the bathroom in my black silk robe. I sat beside Michael and began to harmonize with what he was playing. We created a song that sounded magnificent.

“I can’t believe what we just did!” exclaimed Michael. Our second attempt was not as sensational, but we had created beautiful music together.

While Michael was in the shower, I made my attempt at composing music. I loved the feeling of the keys as my fingers rolled over them. Michael came out of the shower and began to gently run his fingers along my shoulders as I played. “Want to sit outside on the deck?” asked Michael.

It was a warm night. We sat in silence, listening to the sound of ocean waves. Michael looked like he was deep in contemplation. “Penny for your thoughts,” I whispered. Michael only smiled and took my hand.

My thoughts drifted into how little time was left of my stay in Santa Barbara, and how special my time with Michael had been. I looked at Michael sitting in a cozy wicker chair in front of me. I wanted to make love with him, but I was afraid to let him know.

Michael went inside the house and reappeared a few minutes later. “I’d like to give you a massage,” he said softly. I followed Michael to the bedroom to be greeted by a welcoming sight. The flames danced in the fireplace giving the room a warm glow. Candles flickered, casting our shadows upon the bed.

I slipped off my robe and Michael began to massage my back. My face was buried in a pillow as I attempted to ignore my passionate feelings. Michael completed the massage and we lay together in silence. I wondered if we both wanted to be lovers, but the circumstances were wrong. Michael already had a lover in his life.

Morning arrived with the promise of a new day. We packed the van and began our journey up the coast to where we would be meeting Tony in Lompoc. Tony’s persistence had worked its way under my skin and I had agreed to do the seminar in San Francisco.

There was something that I wanted to say to Michael before we reached Lompoc. My stomach tightened at the thought of communicating my true feelings. “Michael, there is something I want to express to you, but I’m afraid.”

“Just say it,” said Michael.

“I wish we could be lovers,” I said in a quiet voice.

Michael was silent for a moment. My heart was beating with anticipation as I wondered what his reaction would be. “I’ve thought about it too, but it’s not right at the present time. If it does happen one day, then it happens.”

Tony was impatiently waiting for us in Lompoc when we arrived. As we journeyed to San Francisco, thoughts filled my mind about the seminar. Sightseeing with Michael was what I really wanted to do. The seminar was less appealing.

The sparkling lights of San Francisco gave the city a welcoming glow. We checked into the motel where Michael and I would be staying. Tony would have the privilege of staying at a luxurious hotel that Michael and I could not afford. Money could certainly make life more comfortable, even if it could not buy happiness.

Saturday arrived with a feeling of apprehension. I stood in awe over the lavish hotel where the seminar was to take place. I hugged Michael and watched him walk away. I wanted to run down the hall after him, but I had already paid for the seminar. I entered the room and found Tony sitting near the front.

“You’re finally here. It’s about to start,” whispered Tony. As the seminar began, a feeling of despair came over me. I did not want to do the seminar. I was wasting my time and money in a seminar while San Francisco was calling me.

It was late in the evening when Michael picked me up and we returned to our motel. I was exhausted from the seminar and discouraged in many ways. “So how was your day?” asked Michael inquisitively.

“I’m not very happy about this. Two seminars in the same week are too much!” I had agreed to take the seminar because Tony had persuaded me to do it. I was angry with myself for not expressing my true feelings.

“At least you’ve learned something,” said Michael.

My heart was pounding in my ears when I took my blood pressure before retiring for the night. “Michael, my body is doing it again. I can’t take this anymore!” Blood pressure medications also made me feel ill.

“It’s really just a state of mind,” said Michael. “I’ll show you this if you’ll take my blood pressure.” I put the band around Michael’s arm and the gauge showed a normal reading. “Now let me have one of those pills.”

“Are you crazy? They’ll make your blood pressure too low. I don’t want you to pass out on me.”

“Trust me,” said Michael. He held the round white pill to his forehead and closed his eyes. A look of deep concentration came over his face, and then he popped the pill into his mouth and swallowed it. “How long does it take for it to work?”

“It will be fully effective in about an hour.”

“Let’s watch some TV and we’ll take my blood pressure later,” said Michael. We sat on the bed and watched music videos. I wondered if Michael could handle the pill he had taken.

“It’s time, Michael,” I said while looking at my watch. I took his blood pressure and I could not believe what I saw. It was high, not just slightly high, but ridiculously high. “How did you do that?”

“Like I said, it’s just in your mind.”

“That sounds so simple, but I don’t understand how to do it.”

“All the answers are inside you, Wendy. You’ll find them.”

Michael went into the bathroom and came out wearing what looked like a shawl wrapped around his waist. “You’re wearing a skirt to bed?” I teased.

“No. It’s what the men wear in India. I bought it there during my travels.” I wondered what it would be like to travel through India. These thoughts filled my mind as I lay my head on the pillow and fell asleep.

The next morning the seminar room was filled with people who eagerly waited for the day to begin. Dan Millman would also be speaking. It was the only reason that I had returned for a second day.

I had talked with Dan Millman on the phone during the summer. By using his intuitive abilities, he had helped me to see myself more clearly. He had reminded me that I sought perfection to a degree that I missed the beauty of what was happening in the present moment. I had high ideals that made me view things as perfect or flawed, especially when my ideals were not reached. Dan had said that I felt unworthy and it was time to start appreciating myself. Everything he had mentioned about my personality was true; even the fact that I was a “late bloomer.”

Dan had said that my health problems were related to judgement of other people. I had been a judge in a past life, which had created pain for many people. He had brought humor to this information by telling me that we have all had past lives that we would not want to take home to Mom. The judgement pattern could be seen in my family in this lifetime. There was a critical side that had brought me much distress.

The information that I could be successful at any field I choose to work in had been encouraging. Dan had said this was something he did not tell very many people. I had always felt there were no limitations to what I could do. Determination and stubbornness are a part of my personality.

The story about the athlete had also impacted me. A young girl had become anorexic and in hospital close to death. Dan’s clairvoyant friend had concentrated on loving and caring for her. She gradually drank liquids and then ate solids. After her recovery, she had a dinner party where much time was spent preparing to make it special. Even the radishes were cut like roses. At dinner, her mom had not noticed the special effort her daughter had undertaken. Her mom’s concern was that her daughter had not warmed the plates. This story was an example of missing the beauty of the moment by focusing on what seems to be wrong.

The conversation I had with Dan on the phone, changed my life. He was a wise man who had a sincere desire to help humankind. This was also evident with the seminar. I enjoyed hearing Dan speak, but I was restless.

With the completion of the seminar, Michael and I returned to Santa Barbara late that evening. “Are you alright?” asked Michael as we curled up together by the fireplace. It had been a long day in the seminar, and I was not feeling well.

“I’ve learned two important things. I need to express my emotions as situations arise, and do what feels right for me, not what other people think I should do. I shouldn’t have done another seminar so soon after Sage.”

Michael reached over and put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s good that you see these things now. The key is to remember them in the future. Many lessons get repeated until we not only know them, but live them too.” The truth of this statement would echo throughout my life.

In the morning, I packed my bags and put them into the van. My body was shaking and I felt sick. Sadness filled me as my time with Michael drew to a close. The love I felt for him was beyond words. “Would you like to walk down to the beach?” asked Michael.

“Sure,” I said trying to hide my sadness. We walked through the backyard and Michael stopped to pick me a beautiful red rose. I held it to my nose and breathed in its fragrance.

“The roses in this garden smell so good,” said Michael.

“Yes, they are wonderful. Thank you,” I said as I buried my nose in the petals. We walked along the railway tracks, trying to balance on the rails. I tried to hide my tears as we reached the beach.

“It looks like the tide is too high for walking, but it’s a good day for the surfers,” said Michael. The waves were larger than I had seen them all week. Michael and I sat on the steps and watched the talented surfers as they moved across the rough water. The sky was blue and the sun shone brightly creating reflections on the water.

“It’s so beautiful here. I don’t want to go home.”

“Could you stay longer?”

“I have to teach at the College this week.”

“I’ll be moving out of the house in a few days anyway,” said Michael. It was too complicated for me to stay longer.

We arrived at the airport and Michael followed me through security. We sat in the waiting area and Michael held my hand. “Do you plan on visiting Calgary again sometime in the near future?” I asked.

“Possibly, I’m heading back to Victoria soon,” said Michael. “I want to continue working with people who are interested in healing.”

My flight was called and I sadly looked into Michael’s eyes. “I guess it’s time for me to go.”

Michael continued to hold my hand as we walked down the ramp. “It’s been great, Wendy. It is nice to see how our friendship has grown.” Michael hugged me and gave me a gentle kiss upon the lips. As he walked away, he turned several times to look at me. I prayed that time would soon bring us together once again.