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PART I

The First Healing

“Before Face Down”

From the Author: It was 2008 and Donnie’s story had pretty much been written. The first manuscript of the book Face Down was just weeks from being ready to submit to the publisher. As the author, my conscience was grieving me to the point where I knew there was no way I could move ahead with the submission without doing something I tried desperately hard to ignore and not do. Ignoring the issue did not appease my conscience. I had to do what my heart said to do. Here is the account:

Figure 1 Donnie and his mother

It was some time in the cooler season of late autumn, 2008. Yes, this was Donnie’s story but within his story was a character whose life mattered as much as Donnie’s: A mother; a mother whose heart was in the shadow of every page. There was no way I could submit Donnie’s story to the publisher without talking with the woman who gave Donnie life. the mother who tried to make something of life, not just for herself but for her boys. In all the manuscript preparation, I had never talked with the woman hidden behind the scenes. I had to seek out and talk to Donnie’s mother, Mae.

I called Donnie one afternoon and told him I wanted him and Kelly to come to our house and bring Mae, his mother. Donnie was not happy about that. At that time, Donnie was harboring an antagonistic attitude against his past. He struggled for years with anger and animosity against his mother because of his life. On several occasions, he commented that she always denied the circumstances in his life were real, much less, that they were results of some of the choices she made. He would tell me, “I just want her to acknowledge it all happened but she just blows it off. She would never uphold the truth of our lives. It was factual denial at its deepest level.”

How would this mother react to the story of her child being told?

We set up an evening and time when they would come and sit around our table. I just wanted to talk to Mae, mainly to seek out her feelings about this project we were working on. She knew we were writing Donnie’s story and her feelings had to be addressed.

When they arrived, I could sense it was not a happy ride to our front door. Donnie was first in the door, followed by Kelly and then Mae. As Mae passed me at the threshold, she asked, “Are we going to fight?” Well, I certainly hadn’t thought about that but I could see where she was coming from. I knew she was nervous and experiencing great dread about the evening ahead. No doubt mistrust was also playing mayhem with her emotions. My heart was very heavy for her.

Trying to keep the atmosphere light, I presented simple snacks and beverages for everyone. We all took a seat. I’m not sure how we got started but Donnie jumped on his opportunity: he bolted forward in his chair, right in Mae’s face, and said, “You were never home!”

We were all a little shocked by his aggressive manner, so a brief silence surrounded the table, and then Mae spoke.

“Donnie, I was holding down two, sometimes three jobs, just trying to keep food on the table for you boys.” With disgust, Donnie leaned back in his chair. There were a few seconds of more silence and then Mae began to talk…and talk…and talk.

I glanced at Donnie from time to time as Mae poured out her story to us. Donnie was astounded! He sat there taking in every word his mother shared as she related her side of the horrible life she herself had fallen into.

After several minutes of listening and asking questions, Donnie calmly said to his mom, “I’ve learned more about you and me in these last few minutes than I’ve known in fifty years.”

Was there a spark of forgiveness in the air? No, not at that time but, hopefully, it would come. Decades of mystery, questions, and anger now had the hope of answers. There was more to the story than what appeared in the eyes of a frightened child. The door had been opened for new considerations for the heart to absorb, while it still remained reserved and protected.

Within a week of our meeting, Donnie and Kelly stepped up to the plate first, by inviting Mae to attend church with them. She agreed to go and they agreed to pick her up every Sunday.

December 2009: Donnie’s Story Is Released

Once the book was released, Donnie and Kelly were very careful and concerned about Mae reading it and dealing with it page by page. If she had comments, questions, or disputes, they wanted to be available. They invited her to come and stay in their home while she read Face Down, the story of her son’s life from his perspective. When she finished reading it, she gathered her things and went home. Nothing. No questions. No comments. Nothing. The feelings between them remained untouched but the door stood ajar with the welcome mat in place.

A few weeks later, Donnie and Kelly went by Mae’s house on a Sunday morning to pick her up for church. Kelly’s words: “She got in the front passenger’s seat of the van and reached over and cupped Donnie’s face in her hands and said, ‘Son, I am so sorry. I am so very sorry.’”

Those few words were enough. Acknowledgment had been made and Mae’s heart had been touched with the pain and anger that had abscessed for years in Donnie’s spirit.

Easter soon followed and Donnie baptized his mother at our church. As they clung to one another, soaking wet, there in the baptistery in our little church, there was not a dry eye in the house! Praise God for such a beautiful expression of love and forgiveness in the light of His glory. Donnie’s restored relationship with his mother has blossomed into a beautiful thing. Their bond is secure and strong.

This, dear reader, was the first healing since Face Down went live in 2009. Donnie’s desire now is to share with you exactly how God has moved in his life for the last 10 years. It’s been challenging, “But God”…those two beautiful words…but God has changed everything. God never let him down and has shown him how He covered him, during the first fifty years of his life. The journey has been and continues to be a phenomenal life-changing adventure. Not just for Donnie and Kelly, but for the many who have identified with his story and found hope; found the light that shatters all darkness through the power and love of Jesus.

“But he who does the truth comes to the light,

that his deeds may be clearly seen,

that they have been done in God.” (John 3:21 NKJV)