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ОглавлениеTHE TOP 3 QUESTIONS ASKED AT THE TILL
Pay attention please. This store’s exclusive welcome gift to you is a set of the top three customer questions:
– ‘Where are the toilets?’
– ‘Don’t you have any bags?’
– ‘Are you open?’
Out of context they’re not so bad. But wait until you’re behind your till. By the end of the day these questions will make you want to commit an act of violence (or, at the very least, have a good scream). Judge for yourself.
The most urgent question: ‘Where are the toilets?’
CUSTOMER (rushing up and usually quite flustered)
Where are the toilets?
CHECKOUT GIRL (obliged to interrupt her conversation with another customer) Hello!
The customer does not reply.
CHECKOUT GIRL (sighing but only inwardly)
Over there.
And she points at the big glossy sign saying ‘Toilets’ hanging just opposite the tills. The customer rushes off. No ‘thank you’ or ‘goodbye’ or even ‘damn it’. Takes too long. When you’ve got to go …
The most aggressive question: ‘Don’t you have any bags?’
One of this millennium’s greatest revolutions is the disappearance of the complimentary plastic bags offered to customers by supermarkets. Some people find this very irritating, especially the first time they come across it. They see it as a money-making scam. Their reasoning is as follows: ‘If the store doesn’t provide free bags any more, they can sell them to customers and boost their profits.’ That thought had occurred to me too. But I also have the urge to say to my customers, ‘Think about the future and all the beautiful countryside there will be without plastic. Isn’t the sea a nicer place without bags floating in it?’
Now the disappearance of plastic bags is pretty much accepted. You no longer see irritated customers abandoning their overflowing trolleys at the till. Yes, that did used to happen. But you might still be lucky enough to experience the following:
CHECKOUT GIRL (who has scanned the customer’s three items)
£2.56 please.
The customer pays by cheque (yes, really – he doesn’t have any cash, you see).
CUSTOMER (who is looking about at the end of the conveyor belt for bags for his pre-packaged tomatoes, his pre-packaged salad and his pre-packaged apples) Don’t you have any bags?
CHECKOUT GIRL (for the thirtieth time in less than two hours)
Supermarkets don’t provide plastic bags any more. There are boxes in the storeroom or we have recyclable bags for 10p, which can be exchanged when they wear out.
CUSTOMER (furious, his eyes almost popping out of his head)
Couldn’t you have told me before I paid?
CHECKOUT GIRL (sighing deeply but again only inwardly) Sorry, but we haven’t provided bags for several months now. (Smiling at the customer) Why don’t you just carry your shopping as it is? Everything is already wrapped in plastic.
Even more furious, the customer takes his apples and his salad … and departs minus his tomatoes. After all, he only has two hands.
The most annoying question: ‘Are you open?’
So you aim to be the best, most polite, and friendliest checkout girl? OK, that’s your right and it’s very admirable (although don’t forget how little you’re paid). But promise me that you will never let anyone address you as if you were your till. You are a human being, not a machine that beeps. It’s not only customers who have rights. Here are a few suggestions as to how to deal with confused customers:
CUSTOMER
Are you open?
THE POLITE CHECKOUT GIRL
I’m not but my till is.
THE SARCASTIC CHECKOUT GIRL
Beeeeeep!
(If the customer is really good-looking)
Try me and see …
THE CHECKOUT GIRL WITH HER BEST SMILE
Are you?
I can’t guarantee what reaction you’ll get to any of the above.
Over time, you’ll find that some customers vary the question:
– ‘Are you closed?’
– ‘Is she open?’
– ‘Are you available?’
– ‘Can I come over to you?’
It’s up to you how you interpret them …
