Читать книгу Checkout - Anna Sam - Страница 8
ОглавлениеDo you care about your appearance? Do you hate uniforms? I’m sorry to have to remind you then that even though checkout girls sit behind tills, that is not enough to identify them as checkout girls and so, to avoid any confusion, you have to wear a uniform. Anyway, how else would you feel like you were part of a big family, the big brand family of the chain you work for? Your uniform is essential if you are to give of your best.
Here are the various spring/summer/autumn/winter collections that await you.
The glamorous uniform
A suit with a skirt (generally navy blue) and flowery scarf (tastefully poking out of the pocket of your jacket). Flat shoes to match your shirt (generally white) and to be bought with your own money. Did you dream of being an air hostess when you were little? If so, this outfit will make you feel your dream has been fulfilled. A budget airline though, I hope that’s OK. You could also use it for a wedding, bar mitzvah or award ceremony (delete as necessary). Isn’t life great?
Watch out though, don’t make any abrupt movements. The stitches (made in China) are fragile and frankly the clothes aren’t very well cut.
The grandma uniform
Do you need something to wear to put the bin out? Now you have just the thing, thanks to these wonderful shapeless black waistcoats and skirts or black pleated trousers size XXL. Even if you’re only in your twenties, beware the attentions of the elderly. If you’re hoping to attract customers under seventy, however, forget it, there’s no chance. Oh and don’t forget to have your knitting ready to complete the outfit.
Your queue will be the spiritual home of grannies.
The farmer’s wife
This consists of an extra-large overall (colour ranging from electric blue to piglet pink) with poppers. Whether you’re pregnant or not, people will assume you’re eight months gone (or, if you’re a man, that you’re obese). Completely stain-and waterproof, so invaluable when it rains.
The clown costume
This one has a bright-red jacket over a shirt of a vile green, patterned with large flowers, and wide trousers of an indefinable colour. All that’s missing for the Ronald McDonald look is the red nose. The customers certainly won’t miss you. But you’ll hope your friends will, so don’t encourage them to stop by – you’ll never hear the end of it.
The cheap uniform
Here we have a polo shirt, sleeveless waistcoat or T-shirt, made in Taiwan, and vaguely in the chain’s colours (before washing, that is). This garb is worn by all employees of the store, regardless of their role. The stores that favour this style are experts at saving the pennies. Better hope it’s one of these stores that offers you a job. Besides, of all the options, you will look slightly less ridiculous in this one than in the others. I won’t go any further than that. And the feeling of belonging to a big family will be even more pronounced.
Just to complete the fashion show, be aware that if you arrive at a bad time of year you might have to mix styles and find yourself wearing the Glamour/Clown, the Grandma/Farmer’s Wife or the Clown/Grandma … Won’t that be hilarious?
In any event, avoid looking at yourself too often in the mirror at work if you don’t want to have a breakdown or be forced to resist the urge to laugh like a madman in front of every customer.
