Читать книгу Cooking Without Made Easy: All recipes free from added gluten, sugar, yeast and dairy produce - Barbara Cousins - Страница 29

If we are not following our true path and meeting our needs, then we are not loving and caring for ourselves. We then need other people or other things to serve as a substitute for love, and to use as an anaesthetic to cover up our basic unease. Natalie used food, but whatever ‘substance’ you are addicted to—be it alcohol, drugs, sex, television, shopping or gambling—you are using something or someone to cover up your pain. Natalie’s husband used work. I used sweet food, but I also always wanted other people to love me because I didn’t love myself. I always dreamt of wonderful birthdays and Christmases when I would be showered with gifts. I always hoped that my husband would buy me chocolates and flowers and book tables in romantic candlelit restaurants, but it never happened. And it didn’t happen because the universe wanted me to learn to love myself. This lesson repeated itself so many times in my life that I eventually wrote the following quote, which I’ve handed out regularly to clients over the years: ‘We don’t get what we want in life, we get what we need in order to grow. When we’ve grown we get what we’ve always wanted, only then we don’t need it any more’.

The more I wanted others to show how much they loved me, the less love I received. Eventually, however, when I started loving myself sufficiently, others started treating me better, but guess what? I didn’t need it any more. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t appreciate their kindness, because I did, but it became a bonus and an indulgence rather than a necessity.

Learning to love ourselves doesn’t make relationships redundant, but it does mean that we move on from dysfunctional relationships where we are too dependent on our partners to meet our needs, to a relationship where two people come together for mutual growth and benefit, one in which each is able to stand on their own feet, meet their needs and follow their own path.