Читать книгу Josh Billings on Ice, and Other Things - Billings Josh - Страница 17

P'okeepsie, Jan. 1st, 1867.

Dear Dokter Bonesett:

Thru the politeness ov Mr. John Smith, i cum in possession ov yure valuabel letter, at about 9 o'clock night before last, in which yu offer me 10 dollars for a poultiss.

I hay had a fair chance to use yure pills upon several important occasions, and can sware posatively that they kan beat enny pills ov their size i ever contended with.

Underneath this letter yu will find a poultiss which i think will draw.

If yu see fit to use it, yu kan emit the 10 dollars by mail, at our risk.

In the mean time, bet freely than i am yure humble servant,

Josh Billings.

POULTISS

Barnabass Bonesett, M.D., (mutch dokter,) chuck full ov faith, bloze his horn, and bi these presents duz blo hiz horn about hiz "Lightning Express and Serio-Sensation pills" a cumfert and a joy to man.

Theze pills are of rutes – rutey, and kost the Author 4 years in the wilderness, besides sleepless nights, and anxious days, tew git them down to a spot, without blemish and filled with fun.

These pills will kure deffness, dipthery and dandruff – are good for baldness, bronkreeters and baksliding – are sertin tew heal hedake, hifalutin, and hangnails – will remove warts, windgauls and wens – destroy awl longings, lassitudes, laziness – will soothe the sorrowful, cam the crazy, and kure a common sized fit in 2 minnits.

They are closs packed in little round boxes, and each little box kontains 2 dozen and 2, or no sail.

Each box iz dun up in a trakt, which sez that they are az sure to cure, az lightning iz tew strike what it starts for.

On the top ov the box iz a full sized painting ov the Author, with a grub hoe in one hand, and a whole parsell ov roots in the other – with a napsack on hiz back, and mountains in the distance, tew which he iz pinting with the grub hoe – them iz the mountains whare he gits the rutes.

On the top ov each little round box, iz these words, in a forrin tung, "Hocus pocus, quod constallus," which being biled down means, "purely vegetabels."

For sum more partikulars, cummune with the author.

(Signed) Barnabass Bonesett, M.D.