Читать книгу Josh Billings on Ice, and Other Things - Billings Josh - Страница 6

Sum fu years ago, when i want so old nor near so hansum az i am now, i waz a feller citizen in one ov the sudden towns, which during the past 25 years, hav fairly sprung up, az it were, by necromancy, in the western country. At that time I waz verry ritch and owned a house, and lot. At one corner, on mi lot, stood, or rather leaned, a tree, az awkward az a shanghi rusetor; it bent at least 3 different ways, and its limbs were az sprawling az tho it had bin born in a nort-west storm. I had sum pride in them days, and longed to put that shade tree out ov misery.

The tree was a nondescribe, but seemed tew be a mingling ov the silver popular, which haz sich uneazy leaves, and a species ov soft maple. I would hav cut it down if mi heart had bin sharp enuff; but altho i hav lived on the edge ov the wilderness for more than half ov mi life, i never yet saw a tree fall before the choppers, but a shudder crept out ov me, it seemed so mutch like a wanton cruelty.

But i had manned mi guns fur one thing, and that waz, the tree had got tew be trimmed. I had four nabors near at hand; two lived upon the same side ov the street that I did, and the other two didn't.

They were mi Apollos, and when i wanted enny soothsaying done, i went tu them.

I will say one thing for these nabors, they waz always willing tew give advice.

Accordingly i asked each one ov them, az opportunity offered, how the tree should be clipped.

The first one suggested to leave the lower branches intact, and take oph the head ov the tree, and then it would soon form a cone, compact and graceful, like an umbreller on duty.

This plan pleased me, bekauze it had bin mi plan.

The next one picked out certain limbs, that positively must cum off.

The third one had hiz noshun, which he knu waz right; and the fourth one never saw a tree ov that kind trimmed but one way, which he suggested in sich an unmistakabel manner, that I felt like a pashunt in the hands ov a root dokter, willing tew take enny thing.

After fully elaborating each one ov the four diagnosiss ov the kase, i went tew work like a humbel christshun tew carry the whole ov them out.

I had no trouble in doing this. But the tree (the Lord watch over mi poor shade tree!) was nothing but a gaunt stick about 10 feet hi, too crooked to fall, not a limb nor a leaf on it, and too frightful even for a hitching post.

1st Moral – Advice iz good only az corroborating testimony.

2nd Moral – If yu put yureself into the hands ov yure frends, yu must expekt that the kindness ov their hearts iz no protekshun aginst the willfullness ov their judgments.

3rd Moral – Advice iz like a doktor's pills: it iz often advisabel tew receive them without taking them.

4th Moral – One man kan alwus milk a cow better than 4 kan.