Читать книгу Transform Your Life: 10 Steps to Real Results - Carole Gaskell - Страница 25

When you’re out of integrity and out of alignment with your own true self, it’s likely you’ll find yourself doing things because you feel others expect it of you rather than doing things because you really want to do them. This is where the ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ come in. Coaches have a very useful phrase: ‘Don’t should on yourself.’ In essence, if you say you ‘should’ or ‘ought to’ do something, unless you know it’s something you genuinely need to do, the chances are the statement is coming from someone else’s agenda and not from your own.

Be aware in your day-to-day life of how many times you say ‘I should do this’ or ‘I should do that’ – for example, do you ever say to yourself ‘I should lose weight’ or ‘I should change jobs’? Stop and think. Ask yourself: ‘Is this something I genuinely need or want to do?’ I’m not suggesting you abdicate responsibility for things that it is necessary for you to do. We all have things in life that we don’t particularly enjoy doing (housework or paperwork, for example), but we know we need to get them done. These are basic needs that you knuckle down and get on with. Equally, you may be required to take care of the needs of someone else (a sick relative perhaps), which is a question of facing up to your responsibilities. From a realistic viewpoint, I’d like you to be aware of your needs, responsibilities and wants and make choices accordingly. If your ‘should’ is neither a need nor a genuine responsibility nor a want, I suggest it is not a true expression of yourself and not appropriate for you to do!

Be aware of your language over the next few days and take note of how many times you say ‘should’ and ‘ought’. List your 10 most common ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’, decide whether they are things you genuinely need or want to do and if they are not, consider what you are going to do about them.

I actively encourage you to connect as much as you can with the real reasons why you do things. If something doesn’t feel right to you, don’t do it. For example, if you find yourself working extra hours each week, ask yourself, ‘Is there a good reason for this? How is it serving me?’ If the answer is that this is something you need to do, because you’re being paid overtime and you need the extra money perhaps, or the project is important to you, your company, client or customer, and you will all benefit, then the justification is there. However, if the real reason you’re working longer is because you feel you ‘should’ because everyone else does or you’ve just got into the habit, stop and ask yourself whether you can do this differently. Are you ‘shoulding’ on yourself? Would it serve you better to develop ways of becoming more effective and productive in fewer hours?

Your life will become more fulfilling when you eliminate any sense of obligation to things that don’t really serve you. Do the things you want to for your highest good – it’s your life!