Читать книгу Words B Word, Right? - Cathy Lorraine Bagley MD - Страница 7

Alliteration

In every way I found myself… Aways aching aiming to attain accolades, affirmations and abundant agreeable affections from a once-time lover. I couldn’t see how deeply enmeshed I was in his dense clever web of partial truth, seeming true deceptions. This former sleeping beauty later kissed by reality’s revealing, rivoting rap wrinkled before becoming bolder, brighter, braver. But beatened, broken, I still boo-hooed! Crazed, caring, calling constantly, I commensed then curtailed crying crocodile

tears over how, why he treated me like he did when I extended myself, albeit naively, to him in my best way and without acknowledgements, receipts. I repeatedly questioned, thought, questioned about rejection for more than a long while…

Definitely dear, it’s indubitable I’m distressed! You diabolically, definitively dissed, distanced then dumped a disheartened delicate daisy after dispensing Your unique brand of toxic fertilizer. True, I needed weeding, weaning. I allowed you to uproot my emotions planted everywhere. You were so convincing!

For years in a fortress built on a foundation of fickle forevers,

hounded, hysterical held hostage, I hollered hoping to be heard!

Morose me…

my many misgivings, mistakes

made me moribund, moody, mad!

How could an accomplished

woman stand for treatment

unquestionably that bad?

I wished wanting wisdom while wringing

hands wondering… woman, why

where, how had I lost myself, my soul

in all of this? Where the hell was I

every elongated empty evening earnestly?

Fretting, filling a fountain of frustration many frenzied, feverish years

while puppeteer perilously pulled person-strings?

I acquiesced to his sensitivities, trivialized my fears.

I am gratefully grown, not grieving, groveling having gained God’s grace.

His hand held this holey hurting heart helping its whole healing.

Consequently, every sunrise and set since gazing back,

I fight never to forget former forlorn love lost frigid, unfeeling-

an accomplishment after always achingly attempting to achieve his all!

This boldly beautiful but battered butterfly wouldn’t/couldn’t beg

him to beg for my forgiveness. He was a pulseless knave incapable of

claiming culpability. Instead, I grew within- a third eye, and without- a third leg!

These new and improved parts wouldn’t allow me… Unprecedently, I no longer since setting myself free crash-landed and couldn’t crawl, cry, creep along anymore aiding, abetting allowing his yellow-bellied, yowling, yelling, joltingingly judging, jealous jabs,

poking, prodding, punching fists, manipulating, misusing, modulating moody, oppressively obtrusive, odious

self-sole-satisfying, sadistic stabs to tease then tear down this/my tremendously treasured totem pole powerfully, properly propped, planted, preciously protected.

That former man-beast I’ve since erased reclaiming my

underutilized, unappreciated all unclaimed, unloved, rejected! Now, a nervy, nicely new, guarded, gilded, greatly grown, totem’s tremendously transformed.

Envigorated, its ego’s earned every

obtainable outpouring of optimism’s outcome.

Resultingly, a residual life- rested, restored, reformed.

Proudly poised standing here today with an intact image unbittered, unscathed, uninterrupted, unencumbered, mended me knows with even the half woman I willfully was back then,

he was and still remains helplessly, hopelessly two-to-one outnumbered!

Self-enlightenment brought what I needed to save myself, break bonds; obtain deliverance. Peace came as if I suddenly grew wings like a dove

making it hard to believe flying this high how beautiful my casted shadow appeared from a brand new perspective at this angle from above.

Never again needing nudging-

complete, captivatingly complex, commandingly cool,

many marvel at a most magnificent make-over: when my mate moves,

I flow, fluttering flirtaciously fully a woman not a fickle flinching fool!

As he rises, reaching ready to release

himself, his heart, head, hand

obligatorily, obviously, only,

exclusively every evening eternally,

I accept only pain-free love, one with no regrets.

Finally, I own this reality purchased at a price:

Worthy love doesn’t bruise, punch, slap, kick,

condescend, ignore, chide; mar externally or internally. It allows available actively attaching love lenience to let loose leveling fibers forever to fly frequently, freely flow.

A lesson duly learned by a former sleeping beauty

kissed not by a fairy-tale’s peck but by reality’s rivoting rap.

She/I finally awoke. The process was painfully slow.

Now in every way I find myself… Aways attentive, self-assured, affirmed, adjusted to affable, agreeable, augmenting affections.

Because of lessons learned from a once-time love,

I clearly see having undertaken a self-togetherness journey no longer trapped in a web of partial truth seeming true deceptions.