Читать книгу The Men Commandments - Christian O’Connell - Страница 27

Egyptians may have been the first real beer monsters. In Egyptian society they invented beer before they invented bread. That’s right, beer came before bread.

Egyptians believed beer was invented by one of their most powerful gods: Osiris. Of course they did. Who knows how strong that stuff must have been. Imagine a deity who says, ‘Forget continents, seas and mountains, the first thing on my list to create is beer. Let’s get the party started!’ This explains why the Egyptians built so much weird stuff for no good reason. They were pissed most of the time.

‘Oh wise Tutankhamun, we have finished your grand Pyramids, what would you like us to do next?’

‘Build me a massive statue with a… dog’s head… Yeah, a dog’s head. And then build me a sphinx.’

‘What is a sphinx, oh lord?’

‘It’s a lion with a woman’s head… Urggh, I think I’m going to be sick.’

The Egyptians, in their drunken haze, were soon overtaken by the new boys on the civilisation block, the Greeks. Mathematics, astronomy, medicine, and a nice salad. They also invented one of the most important things in man history. Organised sport. The Olympics.

Legend has it that the games were instituted after Hercules won a foot race at the Greek city of Olympia and then decreed that the race should be re-run every four years. But in reality, you put enough men together in one place and sooner or later they’ll decide to challenge each other to some contest or other. The Olympic Games of yesteryear bore no resemblance to the games of today, though. Mainly because the ancient Greeks hadn’t invented anabolic steroids.