Читать книгу The Men Commandments - Christian O’Connell - Страница 43

I would take my relationship with my mates over women’s any day.

I’m serious. A man can break a woman’s heart but that is nothing compared to the vicious damage women regularly inflict on each other. Smiling assassins. All nice to their faces but hidden away with another friend/witch and the gloves are off. If Goodfellas had been Goodgirls the violence would have been far worse. With hair straighteners and nail files.

‘You’re saying I’ve put on weight? Put on weight how? How exactly do you find me weighty?’

Men can be cruel to each other but they do it to each other’s face. Dignified. Your clothes, hair, beer gut, bald spot, wife, girlfriend, football team, birth place, penis size, girth, salary, sexual orientation, everything. It’s all fair game. It’s a sign of proper, deep friendship that a mate can safely say ‘What the fuck are you wearing?’ when you turn up in a brand new shirt you thought you might be mistaken for Brad Pitt in. With a beer gut and bald spot.

Women’s friendships are generally more emotionally mature, but they are also more emotionally tedious. Discussions about problems and disputes with friends, feelings about things, can happily carry on for several days without any intake of breath. Is it possible that women can use their handbags as gills?