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whole life fitness

We need connection and a sense of belonging to our group, team, or tribe—our family. It’s a slippery slope we find ourselves on when we’ve either lost, or never had, that kind of support. We tend to drift aimlessly through life when we feel isolated and alone. But when you feel happy and loved, flavours take on new dimension, and colours seem more vibrant.

In Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman explains how the human need to connect is as fundamental to our survival as food and water. Children feel hurt when their social bonds are threatened or cut, which increases the likelihood of health and academic problems later in life.

Personally, I think John Lennon said it best: All you need is love.

Of course, we’re all human, with complex emotions that sometimes get the best of us. It’s only natural to lose our cool from time to time, and to disagree with the people closest to us. I know I’ve had less-than-proud moments when I have lost my temper with my family. All through the day, all I would think about was how I’d lashed out at my wife or children, replaying the scene in my mind over and over again. I’d feel so badly about myself that I would make bad decisions at work and eat poorly, if at all. Those times really sucked!

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The Power Of Human Connection

Human connection is an incredibly powerful motivator. In the past, our ancestors valued human touch and close interactions with one another. This need for empathetic touch remains important today. For example, studies have shown that babies in orphanages have higher mortality rates when they aren’t cuddled and socially stimulated. Speaking from personal experience, I know that the power of a hug from my kids, a caress from my wife, or even a congratulatory high-five or fist-pump from a friend or colleague puts a huge pep in my step and elevates my motivation.

The seemingly simple action of physical human connection can lift a person from a place of self-doubt to a place of self-belief. I’ve seen this over and over again with my clients: a gentle pat on the back, helping someone up from the floor after a set of sit-ups—any small act of kindness involving a light touch is enough to make a connection, and BAM!, the other person lights up. Next thing you know, they pay it forward and use that energy to tackle their life with a newfound appreciation, passion, and understanding.

To test this idea, try to recall a time in your life when you felt deflated or depressed. Take a bad day at work, or a time when you lost your temper with your child. Maybe your GPA has been brought down by that C on a final exam; or you gained an extra pound this week, even though you’re sure you followed your program perfectly. All of these scenarios suck! Yes, I said suck. It’s okay to say that—you can’t be positive all of the time. (Seriously, we’re only human.) Can you think of the difference it would make, if, in any of those situations, someone you cared about took the time to console you?

I see this in my kids, when they feel down about something. A simple, loving touch on the shoulder, or a few words of encouragement is all it really takes to help them feel happier, more confident, and ready to take on whatever is getting them down.

Empathy is more than a powerful emotion. I believe it’s an important life skill, one that everyone should practise. Taking the time to understand each other and our feelings can make a very big difference in the world.

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Dai Manuel's Whole Life Fitness Manifesto

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