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3. Delayed Sexual Gratification

Today, sexual pleasure is all about instant gratification. Quickies are rampant and online virtual sex is only a click away. BDSM takes a slower, sexier approach. It builds erotic anticipation, basks in each physical sensation and prolongs the sexual experience to intensify orgasmic release. To enjoy BDSM to its fullest, a dominant should delay the submissive’s climax—and his or her own climax—for as long as possible. This may or may not involve elements of orgasm control (see #28 and #33).

To this end, BDSM partners must be exceptionally tuned in to each other. The dominant must watch the submissive’s body language, listen to his or her moans and be aware of where he or she is in the arousal cycle. In this way, BDSM helps lovers become intimately connected and conscious of each other’s sexual experience and desires. Despite BDSM’s shady reputation, many couples find it a practice that is focused on sexual bonding as much as sexual bondage.

Specific ideas for delaying gratification, such as tickling (see #32), erotic torture (see #33) and so on, will be found throughout this book; however, these are a few general ideas:

 Watch a favorite TV show in bed, limiting sexual activity such as kissing, fondling and even oral sex to the commercial breaks. Stop the moment the show comes back on.

 Sleep in separate bedrooms for a night—not out of anger, but to increase arousal.

 Agree in advance on how long to wait until orgasm. Two hours is not unreasonable, providing you have some ideas to pass the time. For example, thirty minutes of erotic massage and kissing, twenty minutes of oral sex, twenty minutes of full-body kissing, twenty minutes of sex toys and thirty minutes of intercourse, breaking when necessary to prolong the experience.