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4. Behavioral Restraint & Mind Games

Perhaps you’ve heard it said that the mind is the largest sex organ. BDSM players know that to be true. Dominants will often use mental manipulation on submissives—the quintessential mind fuck—to exert control and build erotic anticipation. In fact, the power exchange between partners has to happen in the mind before it happens with the body. This brain game might involve the submissive asking the dominant’s permission to engage in non-sexual actions such as preparing a meal or making a phone call, whether such permission is required for a day or for longer. This strengthens the perception of a power imbalance and sets the stage for BDSM sexplay.

To bring a psychological dimension to BDSM sexplay and further exploit the control dynamics, the dominant may order the submissive to call him or her by a certain title (see #2) or perform certain chores. This is a great time to have him fix that leaky faucet. The dominant may also make the naked, restrained and blindfolded submissive wait lengthy periods of time before sexplay starts—this increases the submissive’s sense of expectation and dread, and allows both partners to immerse themselves in their roles.