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Preface

If you’ve read the first edition of The Restaurant Diet or attended one of my lectures, you will know that I didn’t just go out and decide to lose a lot of weight one day, and it magically happened to work. Yes, it is true that anyone can go on a diet and lose weight, even a lot of weight. I had gained, lost, and gained back hundreds of pounds over the course of my life, up thirty, down twenty, etc. I thought I knew how to lose weight: go on a diet (eat less, and mostly foods I didn’t like) and exercise. The problem is, after losing weight, how do you keep it off? We don’t want to “diet” the rest of our lives, do we? All the diets I had tried before were essentially short-term means to an end: drop the weight, but good luck doing it for life! The weight would inevitably come back, as the routines were too extreme and unpleasant to continue long-term. Eventually, old habits would set in, and I never felt good about myself or was confident that the extraordinary sacrifices I had to make to lose a lot of weight were worth it.

I would learn the hard way that there is a lot more to successful and lasting weight loss than simply what we eat and how much we exercise. After years of struggling with my weight and countless miserable diets that left me feeling deprived and ultimately defeated, I was basking in the misery of being well over three hundred pounds with little hope for ever getting my weight—or my life—under control. The reality was, I was headed for an untimely death. Frankly, I didn’t care. That was the old Fred.

As you will read in this second edition, it took what one might call an “intervention from beyond”—a near-death experience at age thirty of being “sent back” into my aching, overweight body—to bring about monumental and seemingly impossible physical, emotional, and spiritual changes. Something many would call a “spiritual awakening” sparked the changes that would lead to my initial weight loss. These changes continue to this day and have enabled me to remain at a healthy weight and improve all areas of my life in ways I never before could have imagined. As you will read, this experience shook me to my core and showed me that we are indeed immortal, eternal souls living as people on earth. This newfound awareness led me to rededicate myself to living a better life. I would embark on a lifelong quest to improve my experience by working to become a better version of myself and finding my purpose in this life, which clearly wasn’t to die at age thirty or continue waddling around in my morbidly obese body, feeling sorry for myself and not living up to my God-given potential. My soul and God had other plans.

I was one of those lucky ones who almost died but didn’t. I got the chance to go back and do better. I was given a second chance at life. It was like being born again, except this time with a vivid awareness of who/what I am really made of. When we are born into the physical world, most of us forget our divine legacy and eternal nature. This is how it is supposed to be for us to learn to have faith and develop our character—or at least try our best to do so in a world that can be extremely challenging, to say the least. In my case, I was “fortunate” that (by not living up to my God-given potential) my body nearly gave out, and I got to have an awe-inspiring glimpse of “The Other Side” and who we really are. I was spiritually awakened. Realizing that God chose to “save me” and offer me a second chance to go back and be Fred Bollaci, but to do it better, is an awesome experience that has taken me years to try to wrap my human mind around.

When I began to grasp the reality that I am a soul having a human experience, it became easier to be grateful for this second chance and never take life for granted again. I had a monumental task in front of me—losing 150 pounds—but there was and remains so much more to do with this life than that. I had to learn to love myself as an imperfect (and at the time, a very overweight and unhappy) man. Not only did I have to accept my flawed humanity, but also my divinity. I needed to appreciate the gift of our eternal soul, which is the magical spark and driving force within each of us that is constantly looking out for our greater good.

Growing up, I hated when my parents or grandparents would tell me “it’s for your own good” when I got punished for doing something wrong or when something didn’t go as I would have liked. I can’t tell you how many times I heard that expression. Just like the people who raise us and seemingly know better about a lot of things, our souls know better than our human minds could ever comprehend. Our souls are our ultimate guides and teachers, bringing us into situations that test us and teach us lessons on how to become better people “for our own good,” for the growth and evolution of our souls and the evolution of mankind.

After visiting “The Other Side,” I got lectured by some of my now-deceased loved ones about how I needed to change my life and take responsibility, lose weight, and get healthier. The prize? I would be rewarded beyond my wildest dreams. Yes, it was the gift of life. I “came back,” this time with a new outlook. I was determined to do whatever it would take to realize my full God-given potential. At first, an overwhelming sense of gratitude and peace washed over me. I was at the lowest point in my life, but I knew instinctively everything I needed to know—that I was being guided, that I was loved by my deceased family members, and that I was supported by them and by God. I had an indomitable eternal spirit—my soul—which could enable me to do anything that was “for my own good” and “the greater good” of mankind. Literally overnight, I went from being a victim (poor overweight guy who can’t get a date) to being victorious (I have the power and ability to change my life). I changed my perspective from “It’s Impossible” to “I’m Possible,” meaning anything is possible.

We all have the capacity to do great things and to be and do better. We were all created with an inner spark, a divine eternal spirit that has the power to see around blind corners, that will lead, guide, and challenge us to become better versions of ourselves—just as long as we are receptive and willing to do the work. My soul brought me to “The Other Side” to see that we are all part of something bigger, that we are in fact eternal, and that we have a whole cheering squad there rooting for us to go be our best so that I could come back and do better and share what I’ve learned with the world! It was time to get out of denial, stop making excuses, leave the pity party once and for all, and claim my power! We are all here to learn lessons, help, teach and inspire others, and to do better than before. This is the essence of the fabric of humanity and our purpose on this planet. As you can see, this was a far bigger challenge and calling than simply losing 150 pounds. Losing the weight almost seemed like a given, following the amazing experience I had. The point in sharing this very personal story is that I am no different from anyone else. We are all created the same way and all have this divine, internal spark that, when ignited, allows us to move mountains. Yes—I got to go to “The Other Side” and then remember it. This is something not everyone will do, but everyone can learn from my story. At the simplest level, we are not here to be overweight or unhappy. We are here to be our very best!

We all need to trust the universe and know that, when we are ready to go “all-in” and transform our lives, we will be given everything we need to do so. In fact, we will learn we have always had everything we need. It’s inside of us. It’s our divine essence or soul that knows no limits or suffering and does not want us to be fat, unhappy, addicted, or anything short of the fullest, brightest, best expression of itself in human form! It is when human beings get in touch with our divine essence or spirit that major breakthroughs—incredible discoveries, amazing acts of creativity, the beauty of famous works of art that hang in museums, architectural marvels, and music that makes us want to sing—come into being. It is from here that our true essence, which is love and compassion for ourselves and one another, will ultimately shine brightly enough to overcome the fear, hate, and negativity of this world, to touch, enrich, and enliven mankind. We weren’t created to be ordinary. We were made to be extraordinary!

Like in the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy had to learn through her adventures that she always had the power, she just needed to realize it; there is no wizard or magic diet pill that will make your life better. Winning the lottery, getting a dream job, house, car, boat, toy, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, isn’t gonna make you happy. In fact, no one and nothing else outside of ourselves can make us feel happy, sad, or anything. We alone are responsible for how we feel and how we choose to live our lives.

There are no shortcuts for achieving lasting success and happiness. In fact, I had lost a lot of weight before—not nearly as much—and I still felt as empty, lost, alone, and unhappy as when I was fat, so I went back to eating what I wanted and not exercising, figuring, What’s the point, I still feel like shit! The problem was that I had changed my exterior but didn’t remodel the inside. The outside of my body looked great, but inside there was still a mess that needed to be cleaned up. At the essence of the interior remodeling is getting in touch with who we really are, our souls. Our souls are divine and eternal. When we start living life in a way that honors the precious gift of life and start stretching beyond our comfort zone and working toward achieving our potential, life gets easier, things like losing weight become easier, and the need for any kind of external gratification from anything outside of ourselves will diminish. The more we practice and live soulful lives, the truer we are to ourselves, and the better our lives (and the lives of those we touch) will be.

My soul led me to see that there is so much more to life than a number on a scale or outward appearances, and that losing weight and maintaining a healthy lifestyle are just a small part of a complex and beautiful life full of passion and wonder that we all have the ability to discover. I am writing this second edition to help awaken and raise the human consciousness by sharing the most intimate aspects of my weight loss, far beyond what I ate, how I made restaurants part of my success, or how much exercise I did. These were all important parts of my total makeover, but the bottom line is that this has been and continues to be a spiritual journey—something I felt the world might not have been ready for a couple years ago when the first edition of The Restaurant Diet was published.

Through all my book signings, events, and in-person interaction with coaching clients, it became clear that this is the right time to deliver the deeply personal part of my message—that losing weight, struggling to keep it off, and improving any area of our lives is really about learning to know, understand, appreciate, and love ourselves (as people and as souls) on a deeper level than we ever thought possible. Living a more soulful life means rising to the occasion and becoming better versions of ourselves. In doing so, we are choosing to love and honor ourselves in everything we do, to treat our bodies as the vessels that carry our sacred, eternal souls through this life we are living. When we start living this way, we are in power, and we have universal intelligence behind us. By operating at this level, things that may seem totally impossible to our human minds become totally possible. Things that used to baffle us become easy and second nature. Instead of worrying about the seemingly insurmountable challenges that lie ahead and making every excuse for why I couldn’t move forward, I was propelled from this old, comfortable form of paralysis, procrastination, and avoidance. It felt like I was being led by the hand right where I needed to go. From here, I would start working toward a better version of me, a process which will continue for as long as I live.

We can live amazing lives, fulfill our soul’s purpose, and pay it forward by sharing our wisdom, strength, and hope with the world, leaving the world a better place through our example. As each of us finds ourselves and shares this gift with someone else (who in turn does the same), think of these “awakened” human beings/souls as lights being turned on, one by one. As more and more lights turn on, we will start feeling the impact far and wide. Think of satellite images of cities during nighttime on earth, where the largest clusters of lights are visible from space. We each possess an inner light, and, when we tap into it and harness it to do good and be our best, we can “light up”—and inspire others to light up as well.