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Introduction

It has been nearly two years since the release of my first book, The Restaurant Diet: How to Eat Out Every Night and Still Lose Weight. The book tells the story of my 150-pound weight loss, my four-phase heatlhy gourmet diet plan, and how I managed to do it eating out four to five nights a week, plus tantalizing healthy gourmet recipes from one hundred of the nation’s best restaurants, which happen to be many of my favorites.

Since its release, I have traveled all over the country on a whirlwind book tour, coupled with television, radio appearances, interviews, and speaking engagements, and have had the pleasure of meeting many wonderful people along the way. Had I not lost the weight in the first place and given up on publishing my book when it appeared my project had reached a dead end, I never in a million years would have learned priceless things about myself and about life. I am grateful for the journey I am on, both the adversity and the triumphs, which have helped make me a better person and appreciate my success even more. I’ve experienced so much joy and am so full of gratitude for everyone who has been so supportive, for everyone who has attended my events, purchased my books, and believed in me, even when I was ready to give up. Believe me, there were many days during my weight loss, and even more days in the nearly ten years that followed, that I questioned why I was doing all of this and whether it was worth it. I am blessed, as we all are, to have an indomitable spirit, a relentless soul, and the backing of the universe that led me to succeed, even when I, and most people I knew, would have bet against it.

Just like years ago when I struggled with diets that didn’t last or work, or when I began my transformation—better known as The Restaurant Diet—most people I knew did not think I could do it. I never thought I would be able to lose fifty pounds and keep it off, let alone 150! Deciding to make a major change of any kind is scary. I accepted that I needed to give up gluttony—my years of overeating and my addictive, unhealthy, obsessive, compulsive relationship with a substance I still needed in order to survive: food. I began to realize that I was whole, complete, likeable, and yes, even lovable without the food I was shoving down to try to fill the emptiness inside. I realized that I was not honoring who I truly was when I overate or engaged in any form of self-destructive behavior. I am a child of God who is privileged to be on this earth. Not living up to my potential is not being grateful for all I have been given. If I don’t “like” where I’m at, it’s up to me to do something about it, which is exactly what I did.

The courage needed to undergo a major personal transformation is not much different from the kind needed for major discovery or success. Take the early explorers who left Europe to sail out into the dangerous, vast Atlantic Ocean. Imagine doing so when people thought the world was flat and that anyone who sailed west would eventually sail off the edge of the earth! It is that kind of perseverance in the face of fear that I needed. Distorted and inaccurate perceptions, self-doubt, a graveyard full of failed diets, clothes that no longer fit, practically every weight loss book ever written, thousands of dollars wasted on meals, snacks, shakes, and pills were all horrors I needed to confront. Tack on years of self-loathing, odds stacked sky high against me, people who bet against me, people who tried to sabotage my success, and voices inside my head that made me doubt and question what I was doing, and I still managed to leave my familiar world of unhappy gluttony, set sail, and succeed.

Having had a weight problem for most of my life, and never feeling good about myself, meant being fat defined me.

The excess weight was my security blanket, a protective layer that told everyone to “go away!” Nobody would want to date me and therefore hurt me, abandon me, reject me, and prove that I was unlovable at over three hundred pounds. I took the preemptive measure of nearly ensuring I couldn’t be hurt or rejected by being fat. The ironic thing was people constantly trying to fix me up with—big, fat, Whopper-sized Fred—with, well, large women. I appreciated their well-meaning intentions, but I didn’t want to date anyone who was overweight! Really I preferred not to date at all for fear of being rejected and spent most of my time alone with my demons, and food.

I didn’t want to share anything personal with anyone, and never in a million years could I have imagined I would be writing a book about myself! By losing weight and finally dealing with my emotions and distorted self-perception I would learn that I was my own worst enemy. As the pounds came off, new issues and deeper levels of hurt, pain, and grief came up and needed to be dealt with. I liken the process to peeling an onion. You shed tears as you peel through the layers, but eventually you reach the sweet, innermost part. In my case, I would finally discover the person I always was—a kind, caring man who didn’t need to abuse his body or overeat and who did not lack anything at all.

Persevering in the face of unthinkable odds—despite what that “shitty committee” inside our heads, our friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, or other perhaps fearful, insecure, or jealous people may try to tell us—is how we build character, how we become better people, and how each of us can change the world. We are told a thousand reasons why we can’t do something or won’t be successful. It is our job to find the one reason why we can do it, and how we will be successful, and then go for it! This is how life-changing inventions like Thomas Edison’s lightbulb were created and how cures for diseases have been and will continue to be discovered. I learned that I not only had to throw caution to the wind and spit in the face of fear, but I also needed to have faith in what I was doing and determination to do better, and I had to want it more than I’d ever wanted anything! A tall order but totally doable if you believe in yourself and you commit to yourself, “all-in.”

Half-assed will not work when it comes to becoming a better version of you. Do you want to be considered (or consider yourself) half-assed? No! Anytime we decide to do anything, the results are practically guaranteed by the intention and the energy put forth. Intention is attached to everything you say and do in furtherance of your goals, and energy (positive or negative) is the intensity given to your intentions. You want to think of yourself as badass, someone who dares to do courageous things, things that aren’t necessarily easy or fun, but whereby the reward far outweighs the effort—no pun intended.

People who are badass own their power, take responsibility for their lives and their actions, acknowledge their shortcomings and strive to do better, are confident in their skin, and rock the bodies they are in. Kind of like how you can rock an outfit on a model’s runway or at a party. You are able to go for it with an attitude of I can do this, I’ve got this, I deserve this, I will win this!

This is very different from a typical “diet” mentality, which typically goes more like:

I need to eat less

I can’t go out to eat anymore

I gotta get my fat ass to the gym

I hate to work out

Maybe I’m just a lazy, undisciplined person

I hate my body

I hate myself

I hate that I’m overweight

I hate that I can’t eat like a normal person

I need to eat small portions of foods I don’t like

I’ll do it until I lose twenty pounds

I’ll do it as long as I can stand it

I hope I can stick with it long enough

I hope I don’t gain the weight back

What’s the use, I’m always going to be overweight, why even bother?

Badass doesn’t mean bad. It doesn’t mean arrogant or cocky. Quite the opposite. Owning your power, shining from within, and being a beacon of light that reaches out to touch and inspire others is the essence of soulful living and the answer to our calling to be our best. From this place, we can go forth and conquer with ease what before seemed impossible.

The second edition includes the same original four phases of The Restaurant Diet, plus a brand new Part I, which focuses on self-love, the spiritual part of my journey, and how this knowledge will help you succeed! When I was contemplating what to add or change in the second edition, I took into account a lot of the feedback I received from people who read my book and wrote to me, people who attended my book signings and lectures, as well as people I have coached. People wanted to know more about me. They enjoyed my stories and could identify with what I was saying, so they suggested that I include more about me and my personal, spiritual journey behind The Restaurant Diet. People asked me what “mindset” they need to be in to succeed. They asked me, “Is it just all about willpower?” Well, it is both of these and so much more. The reason I was able to begin to let go of food and go relentlessly in pursuit of my goal of not just losing weight but becoming a better me was knowing and being grateful for who and what I truly am and honoring myself and my body. Knowing this makes my message more powerful.

As someone who lost a ton of weight and has struggled in the years that followed to keep the weight off, I can tell you that I need motivation and reminders even more after losing the weight. It has helped me to find positive and motivational calendars and books and to subscribe to e-mail lists for daily meditational sayings and positive thoughts. I like to start each day with a positive thought, whether I read it somewhere or I come up with it myself. Gratitude is a go-to, so I constantly try to think of things I am grateful for. We often need reminders in this crazy, stressful, hectic world we live in. It helps to contemplate this and to give thanks for all the good things in our lives. I prefer starting the day on a positive note, as opposed to turning on the news, picking up the paper, or going online to learn about another catastrophe. The world can be a terribly jarring and evil place. We need to protect and nurture ourselves at all times by limiting our exposure to negative and awful things and surrounding ourselves with positive, peaceful, loving, beautiful people, places, and things. I also strive to be one of those positive, peaceful, loving people. Just think what would happen if everyone who reads these words went out and did something kind for someone else today—whether the other person knows it or not. That would result in a lot of good energy and positive feelings in the world. Everything is made up of energy, and the more positive energy we can put out through our attitudes and actions, the better, nicer, and kinder place the world we be. Do something good, pay someone a sincere compliment, and hopefully they will be inspired to do the same for someone else.

It’s important to change our focus from obsessing about food or what we’re doing (things like how much more weight you have to lose, that your weight went up a couple pounds this week after losing the previous few weeks, what you think you can’t eat, and where you think you can’t go) and find positive things to focus on. These include things like hobbies and new activities, such as yoga, exercise classes, painting, a book club, garden club, you name it! Also, put the focus onto self-care. Get adequate rest and exercise your body, not to the brink of exhaustion, but in order to get into better shape and stay there. Address underlying medical, physical, and emotional issues; take time to pray, meditate, and be still. Breathe, write in a journal, enjoy the company of a good friend, play with children or animals, go out and live!

Stop focusing on what you can’t have and how miserable an experience you think it will be to get to where you want to go, and just get going!

I realized that, even after dealing with overeating and lack of exercise (definitely my two biggest issues), there are still lots of hours and minutes in each day when we aren’t eating or exercising. Typically, most people spend about an hour a day eating, which could be extended to include shopping for food, cooking, cleaning up, and even dining out in restaurants. Most people spend far less than an hour a day exercising. While diet and exercise are critical to losing weight and being healthy, there is so much more involved. The Restaurant Diet addressed the need to deal with underlying emotional issues that are often part of a weight problem.

The second edition of The Restaurant Diet takes the personal and spiritual components to a much deeper level, showing that my journey was about so much more than just finding a fun, tasty, creative way to lose weight. I will share concrete examples of how I am dealing with everyday life today and that the journey is so much more important than the destination! This goes against “diets” geared toward just losing weight, where all that matters is the end goal. We will never achieve perfection, so, as long as we live, we can and should strive to be better than we were the day before, to learn, to grow, to help, to teach, and to inspire. Living life by enjoying the richness of the moment is far more rewarding than focusing on simply achieving some result, where typically once you reach that place, it doesn’t seem all that great or worth the effort it took to get there. That is why I always say that I am a work in progress, and that losing a lot of weight isn’t the end game. In fact, losing weight and getting healthier is but one piece of a much larger picture.