Читать книгу The Dogs and the Fleas - Frederic Scrimshaw - Страница 9

Table of Contents

Weariness of the Grinders.—Growing Greed of the Monstrous Fleas.—Conundrums.—The Sanguinometer.—Pharaoh Phrique.—Strike of the Dogs.—Their Defeat.—Groaning for a Savior.

NOW the dogs did grind and sweat eighteen hours a day at the Mill, and the fleas around the Tank at the bottom had high old times, and said that the lines had fallen unto them in pleasant places and they had a goodly heritage. But they were very considerate of the dogs at the Handle, and to reward them for their grinding, did smear a little spoon quite liberally with the Blood in the Tank, and did send up the spoon for them to lick, but with strict injunctions that they were to regard the gift as something to be thankful for, in that Capital had condescended to set up a Mill in their midst and had vouchsafed to give them employment at the Handle thereof; and they added the further injunction that they were not to stop turning the Handle, but to lick the spoon as they turned.

But the dogs did frequently grow weary, and often one would fall down fainting: whereupon the fleas ordered the chuckers-in to chuck him into the hopper and run for another to take his place at the Handle, which caused the other Handle turners to turn with double diligence, in the deadly fear of being thrown in themselves. But the fleas who sat below and drank the Blood grew bigger and bigger and bigger, until they were all paunch; so big and fat and full did they become that their skins glistened with very tightness; and had some one pricked them with a pin, they would have exploded with a loud report. But the fuller and tighter they grew the more savagely and ferociously hungry did they grow; and when the dogs grew weary at the Handle and the Stream of Blood slowed down slightly, they sent up fierce messages to them wanting to know why the Satan they didn’t turn, and what in the Everlasting Profundo they meant by it, and did they not know that they were cheating and robbing their masters; and what were dogs coming to nowadays, anyway?

To all of which deep conundrums the dogs could find no answer but to wake up and grind with hysteric fury; and the more furious grinding gave a temporarily thicker stream of Blood below, which only whetted the appetite of the fleas, so that the thicker Stream had then to be kept up, otherwise the fleas did send up the savage conundrums to the dogs at the Handle.

At last, however, the dogs became so faint with the unrequited turning that the Stream very greatly slowed down, which very greatly quickened up the anger of the Brethren, who not only sent up doubly savage conundrums, but an announcement that they were losing terribly in their income; that instead of being very full and very tight, they were merely full, and were going rapidly down hill to bankruptcy and ruin; and that they really, out of simple justice to themselves, could not afford to smear the little spoon so liberally; but would be compelled in future to smear it according to an instrument called a “Sliding Scale Readjuster,”—a new Sanguinometer, the invention of Saint Andronicus Carnivorous and Pharaoh Phrique, two very eminent Brethren—which, when put under the Stream, showed with the utmost accuracy, when and how much the allowance to the Handle turners must be reduced.

This marvelous and unique instrument had two faces, one of which was towards the Brethren around the Tank and the other towards the grinders at the Handle. On that facing the fleas was registered only the rise of the stream, and on that facing the grinders were registered only the downward fluctuations of the rise. The readings of this impartial instrument, said the fleas, should determine the rise and fall of the allowance to the Handle turners; whenever the reading showed a rise, the wages should go up, but whenever the reading showed a fall the wages should go down. But as the register of the rise was always invisible to the dogs, and the fleas were scrupulously dumb as to what they saw, the Sanguinometer never showed a rise, but always the downward fluctuations; therefore the licks at the spoon were always reduced. So the dogs did groan by reason of the Sanguinometer.

Moreover, the fleas, having given ear unto the wise counsel of Pharaoh Phrique and Saint Andronicus (who said, however, that he was a modest flea and a flea of reputation, and did not want the honor of appearing in the matter), issued an edict that henceforth each and every dog that had the gracious privilege of being allowed to help turn the Handle must, on entering the service, cut off two toes and throw them into the hopper, as an initiation fee and an evidence of good faith towards the company below, said two toes or their equivalent to be returned to the depositor when he left the service at the Handle—if he ever did.

At which the dogs lifted up their voices and wept sore; but weeping did not save them; for the fleas told the chuckers-in to tell the grinders that there were crowds of hungry dogs around the corner, standing ready and anxious to take their places at the Handle and willing to give three toes for the privilege. Which was all true; for in spite of the awful hunger of the dogs at the Handle, and their common fate of dropping down faint and being thrown into the hopper, there were hundreds of pinched and meagre dogs, who sat around on their haunches casting covetous and envious glances at the workers, and hoping to see some fall; yea, so eagerly anxious were they for a chance at the Handle, to earn a little lick at the spoon, that when they saw one growing faint and ready to fall, they would all rush forward and fight amongst themselves to be first to be taken on by the chuckers-in; and it became the common practice of almost everyone to creep up behind any fainting dog and slyly pinch his tail or bite his leg, in order to make him faint quicker and let go of the Handle.

So the grinding dogs, finding themselves helpless, did cut off two toes and fling them into the hopper, and ground and groaned and wept, and got their little lick at the smeared spoon, and fainted by scores, and were mercilessly flung into the hopper. And the Brethren around the Tank grew bigger and fuller and tighter every day; and as the Stream grew thicker and thicker, they grew more querulous and angry at the pesky laziness of good-for-nothing dogs that could not be encouraged to diligence, no, not by “good wages” and a steady position at the Handle; and they sent up more savage conundrums, wanting to know why the two Satans they didn’t turn, and what in the two Everlasting Profundos they meant by robbing and cheating their masters and driving them to bankruptcy?

To all of which the dogs at the Handle replied that they had reached the limit of canine endurance, and would stop the turning of the Handle unless the company of Brethren would raise their allowance of blood to the standard of the old liberal smearing of the little spoon, and abolish the requisition of two toes to the hopper. To which the fleas angrily made reply that the dogs at the Handle might all go to the bottom of the Everlastingist Profundo, for they would put other more docile and appreciative dogs at the Handle.

Whereupon the dogs struck, and the Handle came to rest, and the Blood Stream stopped. But the fleas sat patiently around the Tank and leisurely drank themselves full, and sent for the other hungry dogs that anxiously sat around; and the other dogs did come, and were set upon and worried and wounded by the original grinders. But the chuckers-in and the police dogs did help the new dogs and slew divers of the first Handle turners and finally routed them. Then did the first Handle turners go meekly crawling on their bellies to the company of the fleas, and humbly confess their sins and beg to be reinstated at the Handle. But the company deigned not to speak unto them, but sent out unto them Brother Pharaoh Phrique, who lifted up his nose high in the air, and said unto them: “Well; what will ye?” And the dogs cast down their eyes and hugged the dust with their bellies and answered: “That thy bondservants may find favor in thy sight and be reinstated at the Handle.” But Pharaoh’s heart was hardened like unto armor plate, and he said: “Not so, ye wicked dogs; faithless and perverse generation of dogs, despisers of our goodness and mercy; ye shall in no wise return to your positions at the Handle, save and unless ye shall be content to receive as wages no more Blood than can be carried upon the point of a needle, and shall first contribute five toes to the hopper, and execute a contract to fling into the Mill all the little bow-wows that shall henceforth be born unto you.”

And all the dogs, with sighs and wailing and grievous lamentations, did consent, and went and turned the Handle and groaned for a Savior.