Читать книгу The Positive Woman - Gael Lindenfield, Gael Lindenfield - Страница 21

Using your picture of your emotional history as a guide, try to summarize and highlight your own legacy of hurt from the past, noting how it may be affecting your feelings and thoughts or behaviour in the present. Try to be as specific as possible.

For example:

1. Mum’s migraines just before holidays and any other exciting event left me with an expectation that there is a price to be paid for every pleasure.

2. Dad’s inability to express any feeling except anger has left me wary and resentful of this emotion.

3. Mum’s moans about having to work and the constant quarrels over who should do what at home left me cynical about the possibility of combining a career and motherhood.

4. My brother’s bullying has left me with a fear of authority – especially if it is male.

5. My sister’s gloating over her gleaming blond hair left me convinced that ugly ducklings like me are nicer people.

6. My family’s general prudishness about sex has left me with a tendency towards frigidity.

7. Missing out on opportunities to make friends at school has meant that I have become too accepting of my loneliness.

8. The double standards of the nuns at school left me suspicious of all matters spiritual.

9. My dislike of the maths teacher has left me afraid to face figures.

10. My best friend’s habit of flirting with the lads I fancied left me feeling that women can’t be trusted if there are men around.

11. The extreme poverty of the neighbourhood in which I lived left me feeling guilty about indulging in any luxury.

12. My sheltered and over-protected childhood didn’t prepare me for the real world.

If you have completed this exercise, you may now be feeling ‘churned up’ and a bit depressed because you have probably reactivated some sad or perplexing memories. You may even have begun to feel a bit sorry for yourself – but believe it or not, that’s good news! Of course, I certainly would not want anyone to remain in that position for very long, but to be there for a while can be very healing. I believe that it is vitally important that at some stage you must reach the point where you truly feel that, for whatever reason, you did have an unfair start or influences in life and that this has handicapped your ability to think and act in a positive way. I am not suggesting that you now become submerged in a sea of self-pity, but rather that, having recognized and acknowledged the injustice, you will be energized into righting the wrongs. You will be better motivated to give yourself a break, to beat destructive habits of self-blame and self-torture. So frequently I see these demonstrated by negative thinkers who depress and immobilize themselves with thoughts and comments such as:

‘I’m a born loser.’

‘That’s just my luck!’

‘Trust me to put my foot in it … I’ve always had a big mouth.’

‘I’m the jealous sort.’

‘“Trouble” is my middle name.’