Читать книгу It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy - Greg Behrendt - Страница 18

It happened slowly and it super sucked. She’d been hanging out with this guy from work—let’s call him DUDE. You know, going out and having a drink, that kind of thing. Just her and the Dude, who is really good-looking. A lot of people are handsome. And funny. A lot of people are handsome and funny. Totally cool. Then I caught them making out on our driveway and I thought, “This is suspicious.” But she was probably just helping him get something out of his mouth with her tongue. She was kind like that. Soon thereafter, she lost interest in sleeping with me and even moved into a hotel for a while. Still, she insisted I was her boyfriend, and I thought, “Great.” Then one day she calls me to say she’s buying a place in New York. “New York? But you live and work in Los Angeles!” “I know, but I hate it here.” “But I’m here.” “You could come to New York.” “And do what?” Silence. I hung up. When your girlfriend moves to a different city, there are really some cracks in the foundation of your relationship. It dawned on me I might be losing her. I had to concoct a plan, some way to get her not to move. Something dramatic. Isn’t that what they do in the movies? Drama? You know, stand on the lawn with a boom box, that kind of thing. Seriously, if I could have crashed through her hotel window on the end of a golden rope dressed like a pirate holding a boom box, I would have. The problem with being the guy with the boom box is that in the movie he’s the hero but in real life he gets carted away by the cops. Scratch the pirate getup. So I decided to break up with her as a way to get her back. How could this go wrong? I’ll break up with her, she’ll realize the huge mistake she’s making, and she’ll call off the move to New York. I mean, what’s in New York? It’s just a bunch of tall buildings and…that DUDE…Oh shit!

But here’s what’s worse: Even when I added it all up—The Driveway, The Hotel, New York, and Dude—I still had HOPE!! And why wouldn’t I? She was making out with Dude, living in a Hotel, and moving to New York. What’s not to be hopeful about? Who thinks that? A sane person looks at what’s going on, makes an assessment, and then moves in the direction that is the least painful. But when you’re hurting, you are not sane, and for whatever reason, often only interested in more pain. So I broke up with her. To which she said, “Great.” So I then asked her to take me back. Oh wow! Now I was giving her another chance to reject me on top of the rest, and guess what…I still wouldn’t let it go. Quite often I think back to this event and wonder why I didn’t just say to her, “Hey, it sucks, but you don’t seem to be into me, and since you won’t break up with me, I’m gonna do it.” And then walk away quietly with dignity instead of indulging in the behavior outlined in the pages to come. If you are where I was then right now, know that you can walk away with your dignity today. Trust me, please. You will wish you had.