Читать книгу Now That’s Funny - Jack Lord - Страница 10

1.

Three kids walked into a grocery store and one of them stepped up to the counter.

The grocer said, “Hello, sonny. what can I do for you?”

“I would like to buy five cents worth of jelly beans,” he said.

“All right,” said the grocer and he went to the back and brought out a ladder, climbed up to the top shelf and brought down the jellybean box and weighed out five cents worth of jellybeans.

He climbed back up the ladder and put the box on the shelf. Then he climbed down, put the ladder in the back and coming back to the counter handed the bag of jellybeans to the little boy.

“Here you are, son,” he said with a smile and, turning to the second boy, he asked, “And what would you like, little man?”

The boy answered, “I would like to have five cents worth of jellybeans.”

The grocer stood there a moment looking at him and then headed for the back to get the ladder. He brought the ladder to the front, climbed up to get the box and came down the ladder, weighed out the jellybeans and climbed back up the ladder again with the box.

He placed the box on the shelf and started to go down but stopped. Looking at the third little boy, he asked, “And would you like to have five cents worth of jellybeans, too?”

“No, sir,” answered the little boy.

He climbed down the ladder, put it in the back, came back and handed the second little boy his sack.

Then he turned to the third little boy and asked, “Now then, son, what would you like?”

The little boy answered, “I would like to have three cents worth of jellybeans.”

2.

A man was trying to teach his son the first lesson in business. He put his son on a chair and backed off a step and said, “Now son, jump to papa.” The little boy jumped and he caught him.

Then he put him back on the chair and backed off four steps and said, “Now son, jump to papa.”

The little boy answered, “But, papa, I’m afraid.”

“Just jump,” his papa said.

The little boy jumped, but the papa backed away and let the little fellow smack the floor.

The little boy got up crying and sobbed, “But papa, you didn’t catch me.”

His papa answered, “And that son is your first lesson in business. ————Don’t trust nobody, —————-not even your own papa.”

3.

A boy said to a man, “Mister, if you’ll gimme a nickel my little brother will imitate a chicken.”

“What will he do,” asked the man, “crow like a rooster?”

“Naw, he wouldn’t do anything cheap like that.————- he’ll eat a worm.”

4.

A little boy went to the grocery store. The grocer said, “Hello, son, what would you like?”

“Mith-ter, do you have any bird theed?”

“Yes,” answered the grocer. “But you’re getting big enough to learn how to say it right. Just practice saying bird seed. When you learn you can come back and buy some.”

A few days later the boy was back. The grocer said, “Hello again. What would you like?”

“Mith-ter, I want to buy thum bird-theed.”

“Not yet, son, not yet. But keep trying.”

In a few days he was back. The grocer said with a smile, “Welcome back, sonny, and what would you like?”

“Mith-ter,” he said, “Do you know anybody who wanths to buy a dead bird?”