Читать книгу Now That’s Funny - Jack Lord - Страница 7

1.

The captain of the airline announced as they were flying across country, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry to announce that one of our engines has just gone out and we are going to be coming into the airport two hours late. But don’t worry, we still have three engines left.”

About thirty minutes later he announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, I must tell you that we have lost a second engine and this is going to delay our schedule further. We will be an extra three hours landing.”

About an hour later he announced, “Ladies and gentlemen. I have another announcement. We have lost our third engine and that is going to delay us another four hours.”

One of the lady passengers turned to another and said, “Isn’t that just like these airlines. I would guess that if we lose another engine we probably won’t get there until tomorrow.”

2.

The airplane was flying over the ocean. On the loudspeaker came the voice of the captain. “Ladies and gentlemen this is a recording. The plane has been set on automatic pilot because of trouble in the cockpit.

“The co-pilot and I have ejected and if you will look out your window you will see us in that little rubber raft down below.

“This is part of the emergency system and the airplane will run perfectly well without us. Everything else is in fine working order.

“So just don’t worry, everything will be all right,—— be all right,—- be all right.”

3.

Two men were crossing the United States by airline. They left New York and landed in Chicago. While they were waiting a red fuel truck came out to gas up the plane.

The plane took off, flew to Denver and landed there. Out came a red fuel truck and gassed up the plane.

They took off and flew to Reno, landed and a red fuel truck gassed up the plane.

They took off and were headed for Los Angeles when one man said to the other, “It’s amazing to me how fast these airplanes can get across the country.”

The other answered, “Yeah, but what’s more amazing is how that red fuel truck can make such good time.”