Читать книгу Jelleyman’s Thrown a Wobbly: Saturday Afternoons in Front of the Telly - Jeff Stelling - Страница 12

The calm before the storm. This is generally when the team lineups will come into the studio. At times we'll read these out on air, on other occasions we'll cut to our roving match reporters for a rundown on formations, teamsheets and injury updates. It gives the panel a chance to air their opinions on how various teams will shape up for the afternoon and what they'll be hoping to achieve tactically. It also gives us a chance to speculate on why various players have been included or dropped to the bench.

It's at this point that we'll jump to our superstar roving reporter, Kammy, for the latest news on his designated game. Usually this is where any well-constructed plans are laid to rest, because Kammy is prone to fits of laughter and comical clumsiness. I remember on one occasion he was dispatched to Fulham, where a laughing fit even threatened to reduce the show to tatters. We'd sent him to Craven Cottage with the idea of presenting a pitchside report at around two thirty, hoping he could grab a quick word with either a manager or a player as they came off the field following the warm-up. I remember the big news at the time was that Fulham – who were involved in a relegation scrap – had just signed Sylvain Legwinski, a transfer that had taken place at around the same time as the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal.

‘Would you believe it, Jeff,’ giggled Kammy. ‘His new teammates are already referring to him as Monica.’

I couldn't help myself. ‘That may be so, Kammy, but are Fulham going down as well?’

I knew what was coming. Kammy started to giggle. And he giggled and giggled. The panel began laughing and, within seconds, tears were streaming down his face. I could see in the background that the teams were running off the pitch and he hadn't even spoken to anyone. The piece was ruined, but in the nicest possible way.