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I Am Here and All is Well

By Sandi Duncan

It was New Year’s Eve 1990, going into 1991, and I was on my way to a peace concert at St. John the Divine in New York City. It was freezing that night; the temperature was sub-zero and there was a biting wind. I was tempted not to go out, but Kathleen Battle and Odetta were singing. It was one of those concerts you just didn’t want to miss, so I was braving the elements to be there.

My partner and I grabbed a cab and were hurtling across a darkened and pot-hole ridden street when we hit a large bump in front of an old abandoned church. Being abruptly jarred into the present moment, I looked up and there, perched on the eaves of a decrepit church, was a beautiful white dove. It is unusual to see birds at night but particularly so on a freezing December evening in New York City. And its appearance was all the more startling, because it was the very symbol of peace and I was on my way to a peace concert. As I looked at this magnificent bird, I had the thought, “Maybe this year is about finding inner peace, and this dove is a reminder for me to focus on that in the coming year.”

All through the concert I kept seeing the image of that white dove on the darkened eaves and it continued to haunt me for weeks to come. Its message of finding inner peace also gnawed at me until finally, in February, I made a decision.

I was talking with a friend about being uncomfortable in my life. I’d just come back from a vacation in Florida and was already planning my April and October vacations. I lived for getting away from my life in New York, though I had a great job and salary, many friends and social activities, and I was singing in one of the top concert choirs in the city. But something was missing, and I couldn’t identify what that was.

My friend asked me to quickly tell her, without thinking about it, what I’d like to change or do in my life if work, my relationship and money weren’t a factor. My immediate response was, “I’d move to California,” to which she replied, “Then you must go.”

Two months later on April 8, 1991, I left New York City at 5:00 pm in my new Toyota Corolla wagon with my partner, two cats and all our plants. We arrived in Los Angeles on April 18th, found an apartment in Los Feliz and moved in within a week. We only knew three people in Los Angeles and neither of us was employed but … we were living in California!

In June, I was still unemployed and my money was running dangerously low. One day, while sitting parked in traffic on the 10 freeway, I began talking to God as I tend to do when I’m in my car. I asked, “God, was this move a big mistake because I don’t have a job and the money is almost gone?”

Out of nowhere a white dove appeared, circled my car three times and disappeared. It got my attention! I remembered that this year was about finding inner peace, and I was already where I wanted to be, so it was simply a matter of time before things turned around.

Within an hour, I was home and the phone rang. A woman who’d been a client of mine in New York was calling to find out if I was still looking for a job. She then directed me to call a friend of hers, a producer of an NBC show, who might be able to help me. Two hours later I was in his office and he was offering me a job.

White doves have mysteriously appeared nearly every time I’ve had a life crisis where great faith was called for. I saw one the day I found out I had cancer, and over the six-month treatment process they seemed to be everywhere. They’ve even shown up when I’ve needed to make smaller life decisions. When I couldn’t decide whether to take an apartment, a dove landed on the wire right over the apartment while I was talking to the landlord. A dove even appeared over my head at a Dodger’s Game when I was field producing a segment for a TV show. I couldn’t find the camera crew two minutes before the event started, and was getting worried that I wasn’t going to be able to get the footage I needed to complete the segment. Within seconds of seeing the dove, I heard a man ask if anyone had seen the NBC field producer; the crew I’d been expecting had been replaced by two freelancers I’d never worked with before, so I had been looking for the wrong camera crew. Once we got to work I was able to land and shoot more interviews than the person who normally covered celebrity events.

Over the years I’ve had a few naysayers tell me that white doves are everywhere, that they are used for release at weddings and at Dodger games and often don’t find their way home. That doesn’t matter; they can be everywhere for everyone to see, and still they hold a special meaning for me. Whenever a white dove appears to me it’s a visual reminder that God is ever present. It’s as if God is speaking to me and saying, I am here and all is well.