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Instruments of Love

By Laurie St. Clare

I feel awful; I just want to stop crying but the tears are relentless. I’m finally being swallowed up by my sadness and fears. I am alone and flailing to stay afloat. I cannot stop hearing the words and feeling the frustration of my friend, Rachel. We’d had words and even though I could see her point, I felt terrible for me. I’d been staying with her since I moved out of my home I’d shared with my husband for the last seventeen years. It had been five months now and although she had said I could stay much longer, I didn’t know how I would be able to.

As I lay awash in my own grief at my displacement in life, I knew that Rachel was under extreme pressure at work. It would have been easy to rail against her and take my anxiety out on her. I was the one whose life was in complete upheaval! I asked for help in seeing the best of the situation, to be guided for both of our highest good. I started to relax my breathing and focus on love instead of fear. I tried to stand outside myself and see myself, as well as Rachel, as the Angels see us. We are beings that need love but we are also, very importantly, instruments of love. I knew squarely in my heart that she was having a difficult time, and my being here was an added stress to a place of sanctuary for her.

Rachel worked extremely hard in a stressful environment that provided relief for people in crisis. I realized her blow up had more to do with things she was going through at work. She was an amazing woman and friend going through her own tough time. I drifted off to sleep feeling compassion for her and myself as well.

In the morning I stayed in my room to give her space as she got ready and left for work. I thought about how I would be able to spend my day in this quiet home and tend to my needs, while she had to go back into a highly stressful situation. I felt a strong sense of love well up. I wanted her to have peace. I wanted her to know she was special. I realized we all have difficulties, and me feeling sorry for myself and only seeing my needs made the world a cold, small place. I knew this was not the truth and I wanted her to know this, too. I made the decision to send her flowers at the office. I had an arrangement of gorgeous flowers delivered to her.

Rachel called me later that afternoon gushing with gratitude. She told me how lovely the flowers were and how everyone at the office had been uplifted. Our differences melted easily away. Love filled in every crack pain had opened up. I felt empowered by my ability to be open to love, to give it and receive it. I had been guided to choose love, to feel it, to express it and act upon it. In choosing love I also affected all those people at her work place.

Seeing my friend as me, as another being that is just like me, experiencing hurts and fear but also encompassing the beauty of the Divine gave me the ability to act with compassion. I had asked for help, gone into myself, connected with love, and acknowledged unity instead of separation. That is “Spirit.” That is “Love.” That is you and that is me.