Читать книгу i am the love letter - lillian grace - Страница 15

one of the problems with not talking to someone for a long time is that you forget how to talk to them and then once you start again it becomes so time-consuming that you lose a little bit of your sanity every time you send something.

conversations are strained with people i love and people i think i love so i can never quite tell the difference. it’s honestly very confusing.

i’m easily overwhelmed and talking to you for even a few hours overwhelmed me, but i know that tomorrow i’ll wake up and want to do it over.

i want to do it over.

i’m actually quite confused about the way you’re treating me, and I don’t believe walking on broken glass is the way to figure things out. avoiding things isn’t romantic, it just hurts.

I don’t even fucking know if you know me. I know you. Down to the deepest parts and you have no idea who I am. I hate the me I was when I knew you. Let me do it over. Let me meet you again. I’ll give up everything I know about you just for you to know me a little better.

i am afraid of disappointing someone who doesn’t even care, that’s how bad my self control is just so you’re aware.

i have never once written poems to the reader. that’s why i write to people like you. because you’re never going to read it. my poetry can stay hidden in a world that you don’t know. you might as well just keep it unknowing.

please learn to know. it hurts when you don’t.

i’m afraid to publish things because i’m afraid someone will ask me about you. and how i feel. i don’t have a goddamn idea.

the other day my best friend asked me “what are you going to do about feelings”and i said nothing. i said i’d wait. because i will. wait until i either forget or figure this out. you have no responsibility here. i listen to love songs and imagine dancing with you. for i know that is what this is. nothing more than a fantasy. you are a storybook and i am a child. It’s alright. It’s alright. I don’t know you and that’s alright. We’re in a silent war and that’s alright. There’s no peace treaty in sight. That’s alright it’s going to be over soon. this will be over soon. hold on.