Читать книгу The Yummy Mummy’s Family Handbook - Liz Fraser - Страница 24

Every relationship brings some skeletons with it. These remains of loves, lives and issues past can cohabit with the meatier members of a household quite happily for years. Others clank and creak about the place, causing unrest, upset and scaring the bejeebies out of us every so often as they threaten to expose themselves.

Most skeletons in relationships between married people represent past loves. Men we once kissed, relationships we had but have never talked about (because he’s your husband’s best mate, for example) or sexual experiences we’d rather not share. Others involve all sorts of dishonesties from those little white lies we all tell (‘The shoes were seventy-five per cent off—what a bargain!’ What a liar more like…) to the occasional whoppers (‘I’ll have to stay at the office really late tonight to prepare for a meeting tomorrow…’ Hmmm. Funny sort of office, that, where they serve half-price cocktails and where all your friends happen to ‘work’ too.)

Whatever your particular bony friends represent, you have two choices. Option one is to reveal their true identity and own up to the Christmas party kiss, the fact that the new chandelier in the hall wasn’t really a birthday present from your mum and you forked out nearly a grand for it, or that you were once caught shoplifting in Selfridges because you were temporarily out of your mind with PMT and a caffeine rush and just had to have those egg cups. Option two is to leave them where they are, as a sentimental reminder of your former life, because you like having secrets or because you want to avoid the biggest row you have ever had, which may result in permanent scarring.

Here’s some advice to help you decide:

Is the rattling disturbing you? If the presence of a particularly large skeleton makes you anxious, guilty or both, then you should speak up. This kind of stressed state of mind can only breed more unrest, and it’s much better to rid yourself of all the worry and angst, and be done with it. If he can’t handle the fact that it’s in your past, and therefore isn’t a threat, then this is a sign of more serious mistrust and insecurity on his part, which needs addressing.

Ask a friend first. Everybody should have a friend whom they can ask very difficult or embarrassing questions. She, or he, might not be able to advise you much, but at least you can see how someone else reacts to your news. If they stare at you openmouthed and then don’t call for two months, it’s best to close the cupboard door and keep your mouth shut. If they laugh or don’t seem very fazed at all (or own up to something much worse), you are probably good to go for it and confess.

Do you like secrets? Some people actively enjoy having secrets from their partners. It makes them feel they still have a life outside coupledom and it adds a small amount of exciting risk. For these types, sharing a home with a few naughty skeletons isn’t a big deal at all, and they can enjoy their new life without the risk of upsetting their partner when they spill the beans about the time they kissed Lucinda in the locker room when they were fifteen. Shame, because he’d probably enjoy that one…