Читать книгу The Yummy Mummy’s Family Handbook - Liz Fraser - Страница 43

Anyone who has ever shopped with children in tow will know what a hideous, exhausting, depressing, frustrating and miserable experience it can be. What makes it even worse is that shopping is supposed to be enjoyable—a treat, even. To have this self-indulgent, therapeutic, and leisurely pastime ruined by a toddler who refuses to sit in a buggy until you buy him a Bob the Builder magazine, asks for a chocolate bar every thirty seconds and manages to clear the bottom shelf of the family planning aisle in Boots with his left shoe, leaving you struggling to put back as many packets of condoms and jars of Vaseline as you can before the whole of your street walks past, is enough to drive the most level-headed mother slightly mad.

Shop while they sleep. This mainly applies to very young children who still have a nap in the day. I know there are a million and one other things you could be doing while you have this period of quiet, but when you watch babies screaming in buggies, toddlers pulling clothes off rails and mothers becoming exasperated at the checkout you realise why shopping with a sleeping beauty in the buggy is a good deal more sensible. Little kids hate shopping and you really can’t be surprised when yours kicks up a huge fuss while you are in the changing room and you are forced to chase him across the accessories department wearing a grey bra and fraying knickers. Take him to the park instead, and keep the shopping for when he crashes out afterwards.

Shop quickly. If a sleep is out of the question and you have to bring your little darling along, then for heaven’s sake do it fast. This is not a time for window-shopping, browsing the sale rails or buying your entire autumn wardrobe. Just go in, get what you need, and get out FAST.

Leave plenty of time. Now then, having said all that about speed, there are occasions where you can turn a quick shopping trip into a half-day expedition, provided you leave yourself lots of extra time for child-orientated delays. These include nappy changes, walking at a snail’s pace to examine every stick, cigarette end and elastic band, going up and down the escalator five times, chasing some pigeons, falling over and crying several times and stopping to chat to lots of friendly old ladies who want to say ‘Ahhh, aren’t you a clever boy!’ If you are in no rush this can all be a lot of fun, because rather than getting in the way of what you are trying to do, all of this slowness is the activity itself.

Promise a treat. Some people would call this bribery but I prefer to see it as necessary motivation and positive reinforcement. You have to stick to your word, though, or you are a dishonest, mean woman and deserve never to be trusted again. If she’s been good, get her that box of raisins or there’ll be hell to pay.

Have a snack to hand. There’s an old Chinese proverb that goes: ‘Child who snacks on something in buggy is happy; child who has nothing is pain in the arse.’ Or something like that. It shouldn’t be a doughnut or a chocolate bar (‘Child who eats lots of fatty food becomes obese’…but that’s for another chapter) and I usually rely on breadsticks, grapes and raisins to keep mine happy while I whiz around the aisles. Always have fresh supplies in your huge bag.

Do something for them. Of course, there are many times when kids just have to come along while you go to the shops because you have chores to do and they have nowhere else to go. If you build enough child-centred activities into your itinerary (e.g. going to the library between Boots and Sainsbury’s, feeding the ducks before going to the bank, etc.) it makes it more bearable for both of you.

Involve your child. It’s amazing how few parents ask their kids to help out while they shop. Even simple tasks like getting a basket or putting some carrots in a bag can make a child really happy and proud of his achievements. Sure it takes ages and he gets all the shitty carrots which you have to put back, but so what? At least you are doing something together, rather than him sitting there, disconnected from your frenzied activities above his head.

Go with a friend. This can go either way: either your kids keep each other amused and happy while you mums have a great time shopping and chatting and showing the world how wonderfully behaved your kids are, or the little blighters see this as an opportunity for some devilish schemes and naughtiness, resulting in both of them getting lost or crashing into a huge display of suncreams in Superdrug. If you shop with a friend it is vital not to get carried away with your idle gossip and moaning about your partners and to remember that you still have your kids to keep an eye on. Hang on—where’s the little tyke gone…?

Make up games. In a moment of sheer Motherhood Madness I made up a ‘Tesco Quiz’ a few years ago when I had to take all three of my kids shopping with me, and it was fantastic. I just spent about ten minutes thinking up all kinds of questions for all age groups: e.g. How much are cucumbers? If I bought three, how much change would I get from £5? What is to the left of Marmite? How heavy is the biggest box of cornflakes? And so on. It was sickeningly worthy of me, but it made the whole trip enjoyable and stress-free. I saved the quiz on the computer and can easily update it any time I like. OK, I never have, but I could if I wanted to!

The key thing to remember when shopping with children is that, in general, they don’t enjoy it as much as you do and it’s not something they should be made to do more than is necessary. Those embarrassing checkout tantrums happen because kids are bored to death, feel ignored and want some attention. Amazingly, lying on the floor kicking and screaming seems to get your attention very quickly. Ooh, they are clever.