Читать книгу The Yummy Mummy’s Family Handbook - Liz Fraser - Страница 39

I’ve never heard Annie complain that she does too much housework, but come to think of it, she does a lot. But I think it makes her happy to have things the way she wants them. She can always ask if she wants me to do more—I don’t mind helping out.

Interesting. The women all feel they are doing the lion’s share, despite having jobs outside the home as well, but they either say nothing to avoid rows, or feel their words fall on deaf ears. The men know they are doing less, but don’t seem to want to offer their services, and some even seem to think that we like doing all of the work. Perish the thought that they should deprive us of the sweeping, trolley-heaving and underpants-sorting we so adore!

Come on now, ladies: can we please show some respect to all our foremothers who worked so hard to give us more freedom of choice, and be brave enough to ask, pretty, pretty please, that we be treated as equals—not better, or more gently or patronisingly—but as equals with the people who share our home? Would it not be just slightly intelligent if the adult members of a family shared the workload equally between them, and if the kids chipped in a little bit too?

Yes, it would. A whole fucking lot more intelligent than it is at the moment, where by far the majority of working women still do the most housework. (The statistics are there if you don’t believe me—just go and look.)

The ‘Why do I do everything?!’ question is one I ask frequently, usually at a high volume, with a child on one hip, a basket of laundry in my arms and a car insurance document between my teeth. Happily, there are ways of reducing the number of times you have to ask this:

Speak up! Make your dissatisfaction known, not in an aggressive way, but by simply stating the facts and saying you want things to change. He probably hasn’t stopped to think how the clean clothes arrive in his wardrobe, why there are always clean mugs in the cupboard, or beers in the fridge. They just magically appear. Well, make him aware of who the magic housework fairy is and tell him you want to divide these tasks up a bit—or the fairy isn’t going to be very happy any more…

If you work you have a watertight case for sharing the housework. When I had no job (other than looking after my kids and house) I did almost all of the housework and I didn’t mind at all—I was at home, he was at work, so it made sense. It was my job. But as soon as I started working again we had to share the load differently, and it took a little while to adjust to. If you and your partner both work, then it is completely unacceptable that it’s assumed you will do most of the childcare and housework. You have to talk about it and find a way that works for you, or you will become too resentful and angry to be any fun any more.

Leave it to rot. I don’t recommend this strategy at all, as I’ve seen it tried a few times and it was always a disaster. If you adopt a ‘Fine, well I’ll just stop doing it and we’ll see how well that goes, shall we?’ approach, here’s what will happen: your house will resemble a squat within a month, you will spend all the money you could have spent on a much-needed cleaner in the local take-away because there will be no food left in your cupboards, and your partner will think it’s fantastic. He won’t notice all the dirt and mess, and he’ll wonder what all the fuss was about. You, on the other hand, will go mad living in such squalor. Much better to carry on keeping your house as you like it, but working on the ‘It’s completely disrespectful to expect me to do it all’ line. And he’ll get no sex at all until something changes…