Читать книгу The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10 - Louise Rennison - Страница 514

Slouch slouch.

I saw Jas outside her gate. She was turning her skirt over at the top to make it short for the walk to school. We unroll as we approach Stalag 14 because of the ferret on guard there (Hawkeye). She lurks around the school gates like a lurking lurker. Hawkeye’s life ambition is to give us bad conduct marks for breaking useless school rules. That’s how fabulous her life is.

Anyway I crept up behind Jas and yelled, “Bonjour, sex bombe!!!” and she nearly had a nervy spaz. Which was very funny.

I wasn’t looking forward to facing le music. This was my first day back since I had been unjustly banned from school because Elvis Attwood had carelessly tripped over his wheelbarrow and injured himself. OK, he was chasing me at the time, but …

When we reached the school gates I didn’t even do anything annoying with my beret. Even Jas noticed. She said, “Gee, you’ve got your beret on properly.”

“That is because for the time being the party is over, Jas. You may also notice that I am not wearing lip gloss.”

“Crikey.”

As I slinked through the gate to Nazi headquarters Hawkeye was there like an eagle on heat. She hates me. I don’t know why. I am victimised by her. That is the sadness of life. As I went by her, she said, “Walk properly.”

What does that mean? Walk properly? As an amusing example of my hilariosity, I did a bit of a limp. Hawkeye shouted after me, “Georgia, don’t earn yourself a reprimand before you even get your coat off! As soon as assembly is over report to Miss Simpson’s office.”

She is such a stiff! I said to Jas, “I bet she irons her knickers.”

Jas started to say, “What is so wrong with that…?” but I had gone into the lavatory.

I sat down on the loos. Same old bat time, same old bat place. Good grief. In my despairosity I said out loud to myself, “What in the name of pantyhose is the point?”

A voice from the next loo said, “Gee, is that you?”

It was Ellen. I grunted. But she was all chatty. Just because she’s been to the cinema with Dave the Laugh. A dumpee of mine.

She said through the wall, “Do you know what Dave says when he is leaving? Instead of saying goodbye?”

I wasn’t remotely interested. I thought if I flushed the loo she might get the hint but she didn’t.

“He says, ‘Well, I’m off then. I’m away laughing on a fast camel.’ ”

And she absolutely pissed herself laughing.

What is the matter with her? Away laughing on a fast camel?