Читать книгу The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10 - Louise Rennison - Страница 515

Fab news! Slim told us that some nutcase from Tampax the sanitary towel company is coming to talk to us in a few weeks’ time. About “reproduction”. Lord save us.

Slim also said Mrs Tampax would be answering any questions we might have about “growing up and so on”. Hahahahahahaha. Hell could freeze over before I would ask Mrs Tampax about my girlie parts.

After Slim had bored us to death for half an hour everyone else went off to English and I lolloped off slowly to her office for a spot of mental torture. I wasn’t the only one waiting for a duffing: Jackie and Alison, the Bummer Twins, were sitting around in her anteroom. They looked at me when I sat down.

Jackie said, “Oohhhh! What have you been up to, Bignose?”

She must die, she must die.

Then we heard the sound of a distant elephant (Slim) and Jackie stubbed out her fag and popped in a mint.

Slim said, “Come through, Georgia.” Then she sat down at her desk and started writing. I just stood there. How many times had I been in this room for no good reason? Millions.

To pass the time I pretended in my head that I was Parker, Lady Penelope’s chauffeur in that crap puppet show Thunderbirds. Parker is supposed to be driving a car but the puppeteering is so bad that his hands are about two metres above the wheel. Very, very funny in anybody’s language. I was still pretending and slightly waggling my head like a puppet when Slim looked up and said, “Well,” and I said, “Yes, milady?”

She glared at me. “What did you say?”

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about my English homework assignment, Miss Simpson.”

She trembled in her jelloid way. It was amazing the way each chin could shake at a different rhythm. She said, “Well, it makes a change for you to think of anything serious or useful, Georgia.”

Oh, that is so UNFAIR. What about all the hours I had spent thinking up glove animal?

Slim was raving on: “I hope for a great improvement in your attitude to school and work after your suspension. I hope it has given you pause for thought. But first of all you will go to Mr Attwood and apologise to him for causing his injuries.”

Oh great. Now I had to go and speak to the most bonkers man in the history of bonkerdom.

When I left Slim’s torture chamber Jackie Bummer said, “Did the nasty teacher tell you off and make you scared?” but when Slim shouted, “You two articles in here now!!!” they leaped up like two salmons.

Jas said that the Bummer Twins had arrived this morning, had a fag and then stuck a first year to a bench with superglue.