Читать книгу The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting your high-need child from birth to five - Martha Sears - Страница 46

While most high-need babies are super-cuddly and crave being held, some are slower to warm up and often receive the label “uncuddly”. It could be that this behaviour is caused by extreme sensitivity, which causes them to perceive handling as unsettling or threatening. It is important for the parent to stay calm and relaxed. Babies like this need careful handling that avoids over-stimulation and gradually desensitizes them to touch. Eventually, most will become accustomed to relaxed touching and holding. Some uncuddly babies continue to resist close physical contact, being closely contained in the sling, or spending long periods of time in one person’s arms. They also protest being swaddled. These are the babies who need more space and floor time. The uncuddly babies are the most difficult of high-need babies because they don’t melt and mould rewardingly into the arms of their caregivers. If you have a baby who is initially uncuddly, don’t take it personally. These babies are simply slower to warm up to physical contact. Many of them eventually ease into the high-touch style of parenting that their high-need colleagues have learned to enjoy.

From the beginning Gennie seemed to be extremely sensitive. After nursing, she would pull away from me. At night she did not want to be touched at all. She would not make eye contact with anyone. When she began to smile or “talk”, it was only to inanimate objects (like a doll) at first.

I felt her withdrawal from people was a problem. At night I began by putting one of my fingers against her arm while she slept. Over the weeks I progressed slowly, adding more touch until she no longer withdrew. I held her as much as possible during the day. I arranged my schedule so that I had to be out only two days and spent the rest of the week at home. Some of those days I barely got dressed by noon. We rocked, read, and nursed.

As Gennie learned to accept touch, she seemed to need it even more than the norm. I held her as much as possible. I learned quickly how much she needed me. Gennie liked her dad just fine – as long as mum was there! She really did not relate to outsiders until she was three or four years old.