Читать книгу The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting your high-need child from birth to five - Martha Sears - Страница 51

Will he ever stop fussing? Will she ever sleep through the night? When will the colic stop? Will I ever get my wife back? The good news is that, yes, babies do grow out of their difficult-to-manage behaviours and grow into more manageable ones. Write the following survival motto on a piece of paper and hang it on your wall: THIS TOO WILL PASS.

There are many milestones in the first two years of a child’s life that bring with them improvements in behaviour and feelings of relief for parents. Within a month, babies can see images a foot away quite clearly, allowing baby to be soothed by eye-to-eye contact with a familiar, caring face. Increasing visual acuity between one to three months allows babies to be happily distracted by moving objects at increasing distances; watching a hand move or their reflection in a mirror will fascinate them. The first truly magical turning point is around three to four months, when many babies enter the promised land of fuss-free living. (High-need babies just don’t get very far across the border!) At this age, they often develop more internal organization of their sleeping and waking patterns. The ability to see clearly across the room can be distracting enough that they forget to fuss. Also, between three and four months some babies find their thumb to soothe themselves, and all of them discover the entertainment value of their hands and fingers. Between four and six months, babies lie on their backs, kicking their legs in delight, enjoying their ability to make purposeful movements. This increasing neurological organization helps babies gain control over their bodies and use their hands and limbs for soothing and entertaining themselves.

Between six and nine months, babies begin to sit up by themselves and progress from sitting to crawling. This may be the first time that you are able to set your baby down and enjoy a few minutes of having both arms free. As babies’ motor skills start to take off, they begin to literally move out of their upsetting behaviour. From nine to twelve months, the ability to pick up objects using the thumb and forefinger together broadens babies’ play and feeding skills. They can do many more things all by themselves.

The next major turning point comes between twelve and eighteen months, when babies begin to walk, and then to run and climb. Babies’ increasing ability to get around on their own means they drain less energy from you because they can do more to entertain and help themselves. This is a good time, weather permitting, to spend as much time outdoors as you can. Park yourself on a blanket under a tree with a good book and let baby explore in a safely enclosed area. In bad weather, spread the blanket indoors. You might manage to do some reading, and the two of you will have a better time when you don’t spend all day trying to “get something done”. Now is the time when you can get things done if you figure out a way to have baby be a part of the action. Whether you are cleaning house, gardening, or paying bills, toddlers are ecstatic if they can imitate you.

One of the highest energy-output stages in child rearing comes between fourteen and eighteen months. This is the time to draft some well-nurtured four-to six-year-olds to play with your toddler. They have tremendous energy for entertaining a baby, and you get to relax and simply supervise.

From eighteen to twenty-four months, language skills emerge, allowing the toddler to begin expressing frustrations in words. Annoying behaviours such as whining, screaming, biting, and temper tantrums subside between two and three years, once the child has enough verbal skills to communicate his needs by words rather than undesirable behaviours. As developmental skills progress, neediness lessens, at least somewhat. Yet remember, for many children, their needs do not really decrease, they only change. As a child develops, management responsibility shifts: in the early years, you help the child manage her challenging behaviour so that eventually she can manage it herself. In those middle years, you’ll spend many hours preparing your child for adult life. And remember, for most high-need children, their brains seem way ahead of their bodies.

Jonathan is now a lovable, cuddly, sensitive, intelligent boy. He always had these qualities; they were just trapped inside the body of a baby. When he learned to walk and talk he became less frustrated with his world, and with our world too. Jim and I now enjoy a life with him that we never thought possible. Our high-need baby has very definitely yielded us a high level of returns.