Читать книгу Clouded Judgement - NICHOLA HARVEY - Страница 12

THE DAY HAD BEEN long and was about to be drawn out even longer. So while the last two members of staff strolled past my cubicle, I remained glued to my chair, mumbling a bye to their exuberant waving and jovial goodbyes. I listened for the clinking of the glass door opening and released a sigh of relief as it closed behind them. Quiet at last.

Or so I thought.

I was about to reconfigure the laundry and add a mudroom off the three-car garage when I was distracted once more by the gentle click of heels along the timber boards. I gulped and bravely called out, “Hello, who’s there?” The mystery person either didn’t hear me, or they simply chose to ignore me. I called out once again. Again, nothing, triggering a terrifying panic within. God, please, don’t let it be Emmett.

The worry and the fear alone ought to have been enough to discourage me from facing whoever was out there. Nonetheless, I forced myself to slide off the chair, my footfalls tentative as I walked into the hallway only to veer off into the common area as the lone figure strolled towards me. They swiftly detoured, bringing my fast-paced footsteps to an abrupt stop.

Entrapped by my unwelcome visitor, I glared. “What in the hell are you doing here?”

“Now that’s a terrible way to greet your mother, Theodora,” she responded tartly, dropping the expensive designer purse she typically carried on the coffee table in the centre of the room. The midi-length skirt of her camel coloured linen dress with contrast stitching swaying as she purposely slipped her slender hands into the forward pockets, all the while regarding me with a cold, emotionless stare. Honestly, she looked more like a gingerbread man than a well-dressed woman.

“I’ll ask again, Mother; what in the hell are you doing here?” I forcefully demanded, rigidly crossing my arms over my chest.

Purposely ignoring my question, my mother’s green eyes astutely surveyed our surroundings. “Are you alone, dear?”

My eyes rolled at the condescending tone. “That’s the only reason you’re here now, isn’t it, Mother? Cause I’m alone?” I grimly questioned, motioning to the empty cubicles. “No witnesses means no need for pretence, doesn’t it?” The contemptuous look she gave all but confirmed my suspicions. With a derisive shake of my head, I snorted earning yet another scornful look. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, no need to fret, Mother Dearest, you’ll be able to swan out of here with your virtue completely unscathed by scandal,” I sneered.

Skimming the pad of a slim finger over the back of a club lounge, she let out a humourless laugh. “Still full of dramatics, I see, and where are your manners? Not to graciously offer a drink in this blistering heat is such bad etiquette, Theodora.”

“We aren’t in the habit of serving witches brew here.”

“Hmph, such a childish remark, but one can't expect anything less from you, I suppose.”

My impatience grew, as had the murderous thoughts. “WHAT do you want?”

One long, manicured finger tapped her chin as a malicious smile spread. “A little birdy told me some rather disturbing news, so I thought I’d come by to see for myself how you were faring? But gathering by your current demeanour, I’d say not very well.”

Paling, I laughed bitterly. “How altruistic of you, Mother.”

She gasped. “Trying to kill yourself, Theodora is no laughing matter. It’s such an offensive thing to do, not to mention a sin in the eyes of God,” she tutted reproachfully, briefly raising her eyes and hands to the heavens. “And what about poor Ari? What his family must think of you dating their beloved son now? They must be urging him to run, surely?” She sighed derisively. “I know I would…” Her disparaging words were sharper than the knife she regularly used to pierce my suffering heart.

My face and shoulders dropped.

She smirked. “I’ve hit a nerve, haven’t I?”

I also felt an instinctive need to protect my unborn child from the presence of Satan herself with both hands flying to my stomach. Which, in the end, turned out to be a terrible mistake as mother’s horrified gasp filled the room.

Approaching me in slow, measured steps, she drove the blade a little deeper. “You’re pregnant too?” I kept my eyes cast downwards, but it was my silence and the heat staining my cheeks that spoke volumes, giving my precious secret away. “How on earth could you ever contemplate something so selfish? Particularly when you’re barely stable enough to take care of yourself?”

My misting eyes darted. My mother was right; what was I thinking? I wasn’t in the right place or mind to be having a child, not now, possibly not ever. Something else I openly refused to acknowledge, she was smug enough.

“I’m not even going to dignify your inquisitive mind with an answer, and presume all you want, you aren’t worthy of my time, nor the energy I waste trying to talk to you.”

“Oh, come now, Theodora, that’s an omission right there. You’re pregnant when clearly, you shouldn’t be. Have you forgotten what happened to your last child? She died because your body was already incapable of taking care of something so precious. Do you want it to happen again?”

By now, my betraying tears streamed down my face. How could a mother be so callous? She knew bringing up painful memories from my past would hurt me. Yet, here she was, doing it anyway.

My anger boiled over spilling a venom as toxic as the person standing before me. “You condescending bitch! How can you come here, to the one place not tainted by your malice and lies, under false pretence? Then you add salt to the wound by self-righteously mocking me. Is this how you get off, Mother, hurting me? Just get the hell out of my life and stay out of it. I don’t need you!! I hate you!”

In the blink of an eye, I felt my head painfully jerk sideways. Then I felt the burn of my mother’s handprint imprinted in my right cheek. Then a wave of adulterated anger I unleashed on the person who was supposed to be my mother. But no longer would she be entitled to that privilege.

Nursing my reddening face, I turned my head, meeting her hardened expression with my glacial stare. “Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

She didn’t budge.

“Are you quite done, Theodora?”

My teeth gritted. “I said – Get the fuck out!”

In another malicious move, she crudely seized my wrists and grasped them tightly as I wrangled against her hold.

“Let me go, or else!”

Unfazed by my veiled threats, her coldhearted stare dropped to the faded scars. “Hmm, you do realise you cut in the wrong direction, don’t you?”

Suddenly I no longer felt brave; I only felt incoherence. Sweat coated my shaking hands, and my breath raggedly exhaled as my throat tightened and my heart savagely pounded, making each inhaling breath a struggle. “You – bitch. Leave me – the hell alone!”

Flippantly dropping my arms, jeering eyes rolled. “Quit with the dramatics, dear daughter – it’s boring the hell out of me.”

Nonchalantly, she bent and picked up her purse. “Oh, and another thing, Theodora…” she enunciated abrasively. “Do Ari and his family a great service by breaking it off; you’re embarrassing them with this neurotic behaviour of yours. He could do so much better, not that you needed reminding.”

A satisfied smirk spread across vibrantly red-stained lips. Then without a backward glance, my mother pivoted on the spikes of her heels and strolled self-assured out the door, leaving me staring at the one reflection I’d always dreaded facing and knew to be true.

“Teddy…wake up.”

My brows furrowed at the sound of a lilted, timbre male voice gently chanting my name. But as their soft knuckles brushed my aching cheek, I let out a visceral groan, violently swatting their hand away. “Don’t touch me!”

“Teddy! Wake up!” they frantically insisted, only harsher and louder, startling me.

I flicked my eyelids open, struggling to focus on the person hovering above me. “What the f…?” I exclaimed, sitting up in a rush. A little too quick and swiftly laid back down as the room began to spin. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I also felt queasy, a rotten combination making me feel worse with each passing second.

As much as I loved Ari, his proximity was suffocating. As was the cologne I usually loved. “You’re as white as a sheet, what’s wrong?”

“I just felt…” I managed to mutter before my nausea suddenly rose past the point of no return. I jolted upright and clapped one hand to my mouth while shoving Ari out of the firing line with the other as I stumbled in the direction of the bathroom, slamming the door against the wall as I shoved it open. The stall door copped the same fate just as my trembling knees gave way, catapulting me towards the bowl. Ari surprisingly rushed in behind me, crouching askew to hold my hair back in a makeshift ponytail while I clung to the porcelain heaving. For the little amount I threw up, it was draining and had to force myself to slump my lathered body against the cubicle barrier when the vomiting eventually stopped. I then decided the floor beneath me was cooler and was about to flop my overheated body against the tiles when an objecting Ari grabbed me by the shoulders.

“You want to lie across the floor? In here, Teddy?” he sputtered haughtily. “It’s a dreadfully unhygienic place for a rest!” I got that he was concerned, but his prim and proper attitude was the last thing I needed.

I glowered. “Either you shut up and help me lie down before I pass out, or you can leave! Your choice!”

He opened his mouth to argue but wisely closed it again as I wagged a finger at him.

“Don’t!”

Exhaling sharply, he begrudgingly guided me downwards. “Careful, watch your head.”

I sighed with relief as my cheek pressed against the cold tiles while an unimpressed Ari dropped to his knees, lovingly brushing the damp strands of hair from my sweaty face with the tips of his fingers. A gentle touch that lulled me into a sense of momentary peace as I gave up the ghost and closed my drooping eyelids.

“What’s brought this on?”

Well, that peace lasted all of five seconds.

Swirling emotions, along with a killer headache had put me in a choleric mood, and at best, managed to reply with a vague wave of the hand, displeasing him immensely.

“Could you be a little more specific? Please?”

My eyes flicked open. “No,” I growled, mollifying Ari with a verbal response. “Help me up…” He elicited a heavy sigh and leaned back, folding taught arms across his puffing chest. With a roll of the eyes, I huffed. “…Please.” Clearly using my manners was all that I needed to have him help me drag my sorry arse off the floor. But just as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, another wave of nausea hit me, driving me to lunge for the toilet bowl once more. Except I was empty and only retched loudly. How embarrassing. Depleted, I fell back against the wall and blew out a wearisome sigh as I peered up at a furrowed Ari. “What’s wrong?”

“Your bout of illness had nothing to do with the pregnancy, did it?”

Again, my reply was vague as I shrugged my sagging shoulders.

Infuriated, he rushed to his feet and reprimanded me, “Stop with the nebulous responses, Teddy, they’re damned exasperating!”

In a knee jerk reaction, I swivelled my head rapidly, making me wince as I looked up at him. “Well, help me up off this damned floor, and I’ll tell you!” I angrily quavered, grinding the heel of my palm against my throbbing forehead.

“Christ, you’re frustrating tonight!” He glared, positioning himself behind me and hooking his hands beneath my armpits. With minimal effort, he hauled me off the floor and ambled alongside me towards the common area, keeping one robust arm wrapped securely around my shoulders the entire time.

“How’d you know I was still here?” I queried while gradually lowering onto the sofa with his assistance. I shuffled backwards and sank against the cushions.

“I called Spencer, only after several unsuccessful attempts to call you, of course. Luckily for me, he knew you were still here,” he informed me gruffly before storming into the kitchen where the cabinetry wore the wrath of his foul mood. Cupboard doors crashed, a glass scraped loudly, and the fridge door slammed shut. Twice. With a drink in hand, his heavy footsteps marched towards me soon after.

“Here, drink this,” he grunted thrusting the tall water-filled glass into my hand.

Not wanting to argue, I gratefully took it relishing in the relief the icy cold brought to my parched throat as I washed it down.

“Better?” he asked, thumping onto the sofa beside me and slipping an arm around my back.

I nodded and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Much, thank you.”

“Good,” he said, exhaling a cleansing breath sharply. Taking the empty glass from me, he set it down on the small occasional table beside him before slumping against the cushions and tugging at my waist, prompting me to shuffle closer. I obliged him by drawing my feet up and curling into his side. I let out a content sigh as he kissed the crown of my head before continuing his explanation. “Spencer also happened to mention you were working on a unique project…”

“Our house,” I whispered hoarsely. “I was drawing up our house.” Fresh tears pooled, spilling over my cheeks.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He cupped my cheek and turned my head, alarm etching his frantic gaze and voice as he compelled me to look at him. “Did something happen? Was it Emmett? Did he come here again?”

“No, it wasn’t him.”

“Well, what’s upset you then? You were content this morning, what’s changed?”

My lower lip began trembling uncontrollably. “….My mother.”

A vicious growl flared from deep within Ari’s throat. “What did she do?”

“She came here just too purposely berate me.”

His strong jaw clenched as he spoke tightly, “What did she say to you?”

My cries turned into full-blown sobs as I miserably repeated each horrid word. Inevitably, my distress became Ari’s and winced as a sharp pain lanced through my bicep as his fingers began digging into my upper arm.

“Ari, you’re hurting me.”

His darkened gaze dropped to his hand. “My apologies, I didn’t realise…” His arms fell away from me as he sat forward, flanking his hanging head between his hands.

I instantly felt empty and lonely.

“I’m lost for words, Teddy. Most of all, I’m tired! Tired of this never-ending drama with your fucking mother and Emmett! It’s sucking the life out of us! When will it ever let up?” Scrubbing at his face, Ari turned his head to look at me. His gaze so thunderous, my stomach flopped from the fear alone as I attempted to read between the lines.

“And before you go flying off the handle at me, I’m well aware that you too are tired of it all. I’m also well aware that none of this-,” he dispassionately murmured, waving a hand, “- bullshit is any of your doing. Will there ever be any semblance of normality for us? At all?”

“I’m beyond tired, Ari; I’m exhausted!” I cried. “Their mental games are exhausting. But right now – what can I do? Until there's enough evidence to lock them away, I’m powerless to stop them! I just wished I understood what drove my mother to treat me so abhorrently. And Emmett’s insidious obsession with me, that I’ll never understand either. But I’m over torturing myself trying to find out!” I pulled my knees up, hugging them tightly and cried some more. Something else I was tired of doing. “Can we just go home, please?”

Running a hand over his face, Ari broodingly answered, “Yeah, sure. After today, I need a stiff drink.”

I sensed the indifference the moment he hauled me off the sofa, his body language, in particular. His hold usually made me feel warm and protected from the world, but how could it when it too, like the tone of his voice and the way he looked me felt distinctly wooden. Also noticeable was the significant gap between us – a sign telling me he was there, but only in a mildly physical sense, just not emotionally, breaking my heart.

Shutting me out when the tough got going had become an annoyingly bad habit of his lately, and it was seriously starting to piss me off. Chiefly after his recent apology and an unequivocal promise, there wouldn’t be any more outbursts or selfish brooding.

Everyone let me down in the end, why should Ari be any different?